I'm not just fine
I fake a smile everyday because when my mother asks me what's wrong I say nothing she gets mad ofc and says that I can tell her, yet when I do she makes me feel bad for feeling that way, I'm to scared to ask for therapy I don't really know if I need it. She told me that if I don't want to hang out with friends that I could just say no instead of just going to hangout, but yesterday I said no and she said "why didn't you just go play?" It makes no sense to me! Also I got like a 98% on my depression test on here but I don't think I am. I feel lost in my emotions everyday I don't feel like I can share how I feel because whenever I do I feel like I'm in trouble! I was going to make pancakes and she said something can't quite remember I started to go upstairs and she got mad and asked me why I didn't want to make pancakes anymore but I didn't wanna tell her she killed the mood because I don't want to hurt her feelings! SHE SAYS THAT I STAY ON MY PHONE BECUASE IM LAZY AND I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING! BUT I DONT HAVE THE MOTIVATION OR ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING AND I AM TRYING SO DANG HARD TO FIX THAT BUT NO MATTER WHAT ILL ALWAYS FRICKING ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE HER AND OTHER PEOPPE HAPPY AND I KNOW THAT MAKES ME A PEOPLE PLEASER BUT IDC!! I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DONT CARE!!! I just want to stop feeling this pain in my mind telling me I'm not worth anything..