@tealMelon1154
I'm really sorry you lost your best friend, this emptiness can be hard to go through. I can relate to everything you said, like hating yourself for your life choices, finding your own major uninteresting and in my case, feeling like I don't belong. It's really sad your boyfriend doesn't understand your anxiety, this might make you feel lonely and isolated. I understand wanting to go to deep sleep.
It's really great you are going to the gym and doing a creative, relaxing thing like baking. I really encourage you keep doing them, so they may help you get some respite from the anxiety. I hope you do gym safely because from experience, overdoing it trying to forget pain may cause other problems. Baking can be really soothing during this time. If you had other soothing activities that you haven't done in a while, may try to do them too.
Anxiety may not suddenly disappear but the activities will bring some comfort. And over time your mind will grow, you will get more pleasure from those things so you will be able to enjoy more relaxed time. What you are going through isn't easy, but it's not hopeless. Hope you can go easy on yourself and appreciate yourself for even the little things you do. You deserve to love yourself. Those little things aren't little, little things make the big things, don't underestimate yourself. Sending you lots of prayers and soothing energy. <3