@beautifuldisasterx0
Hi there! I am so sorry that you feel this way and I know from personal experience that it can be a horrible way to feel, especially given that it's resulting in having panic attacks and dissociating. It's so frustrating when you just want to be able to do the things that you want to do but anxiety feels like a barrier at every turn. I want you to know that you aren't alone and our community on 7 Cups is here to support you and I'm really glad you're here!
I promise you that even though it feels like it will never get better, these feelings will pass. Healing from something like PTSD is not a linear process and it takes baby steps to start feeling better about things. I'm so proud of you for trying and by making this post, you are showing up for yourself and wanting to get better - I promise that you will. That is something to be proud of and it shows that you are hopeful about what the future holds, despite the fear that comes with anxious feelings.
From my experience with general anxiety (which I have managed to overcome since), I found that distraction techniques are something that helped me to feel better. Even though it's extremely difficult to focus our mind away from anxious feelings, if we try to occupy our mind with something else, such as drawing or a mindfulness exercise, it can gradually allow us to shift our focus, and make those baby steps into feeling better. The more that our attention is focused on the negative, the more we will look for the negative. It's like if we are walking down the street, we don't notice the cars that are on the road. However, if we are thinking about, say, a red car, we begin to notice all of the red cars that are on the road.
A lot of the time, we are so focused on the past or the future that it is difficult to enjoy the present moment and everything that we feel grateful for. However, I know that these feelings must feel really confusing and overwhelming but over time, they become easier to deal with. Please remember that you are enough as you are and you will get through this - I believe in you!!