Crippling Anxiety taking over my life.

@Clayton7

I've been getting increasingly anxious for the past month. I've been on medication for a long time, I've tried so many things and what I'm using used to work like a charm. I talked with my therapist she seems to think it may have to do with trauma anniversary stuff causing my anxiety to worsen again.

I feel like I struggle the most with work, I get like a paralyzing anxiety and I don't know how to cope with it. I often end up on 7cups instead of doing actual work. And then my anxiety gets worse because I feel guilt and shame for struggling so much with my work. I do case management for people who are unhoused in my city and I have social anxiety and every time my phone rings or I have to go out in the community and talk to people I get palpitations. Perhaps this isn't the right fit for me but I don't know what kind of job would be a better fit given my social anxiety.

I don't really have close relationships. When I'm struggling I don't feel like I have anyone I can call and talk to and depend on strangers here and the peer support line in my state. It feels quite lonely and I feel like I don't really get to be myself. I don't really have any hobbies because everything seems like a chore. I used to like to paint but trying to come up with the inspiration has been hard. It used to be a good way to manage my anxiety and now I'm struggling to start anything and if I do start something I quit because it's not as good of quality as I'd like.

I have goals, but they seem so impossible and out of reach and even if they weren't so out of reach my anxiety would probably not allow me to succeed. Sleep has been okay. I have sleep apnea but no machine to help with the breathing so I wake up a ton and feel like I am never rested.

I had a complete breakdown this week and ended up doing a no-call, no show at work on Tuesday because my depression was too bad to get out of bed. It's been pretty miserable lately.

@beautifuldisasterx

Hi, Disaster,

I'm so sorry, honey, that you are having to experience this. I have PTSD. I've been on psychiatric meds for years. I finally found two that help, buspar and lexapro (generic). I take the max dose of both. They help me more than any other meds I've tried.

I recently got the best advice from my latest psychiatric nurse practitioner. I told her my meds help more than any other meds I've tried, but they don't take away all the anxiety and depression and crying. She said that means that the meds will only do so much to help me and the rest is up to me using the skills I've been taught by my therapists. I have to keep using my skills over and over until they become second nature.

That is what I've been doing. It is a constant battle. Some days are better than others. You can only do so much, and then your body and mind will tell you that you have to stop, and you won't have any more strength in you to fight. Rest. drink water. sleep. forgive yourself for anything causing you guilt.

I'm with you. If you want to talk, you can just reply to this post and we can keep replying to each others posts. I'll be here for you. Please don't despair if I don't respond right away. I'm preparing to move, but I'm usually on every day.

Love and blessings to you.

--tree

@purpleTree4652

Hi Tree--

I've been on many medications for my mental health. It took them years to realize my PTSD is as bad as it is and tried to diagnose me with bipolar and so when they tried mood stabilizers I didn't respond. My meds right now seem to have been the best. I don't know if I need an increase or what is going on. April has been a month that has historically had some significant trauma and so my therapist thinks maybe the increase in anxiety and other trauma symptoms has to do with my PTSD-anniversaries that happened this month. It just is absolutely miserable. If eel like i Have no energy.

I've done a lot of DBT, ACT, CBT, and a little CPT. I did a couple of sessions of EMDR and they seemed helpful and so maybe I need to try more of that. I have a lot of coping skills, but it feels like I'm using skills to survive the moment more than I'm doing anything else. A lot of my skills, especially the DBT ones have become second nature. I work really hard on my skills.

I'm also neurodivergent. I have ADHD and potentially ASD (but they can't determine because of my trauma--there's too much with too severe of symptoms to differentiate with the testing I've done). And so I'm working on adding more sensory self-care to help when I get overwhelmed and overstimulated. I bought a weighted blanket that I'm going to try. I have some fidgets and I like the way my comforter on my bed feels and so working on finding the things that have sensory enjoyment. I've been told it might help.

I feel so much guilt and shame right now because I did a no-call, no show the other day. I meant to text my supervisor (we're allowed to call out that way and I just panicked and the message never got sent.) My depression and anxiety were just so bad I couldn't get out of bed.

I could use any companionship. I don't feel like I have a lot of it.

@beautifuldisasterx0

It sounds like you have it rough. I'm sorry to hear all that you have to deal with. Maybe you do need to increase your meds. And the anniversary of traumas could also be a factor, like you said. That wouldn't surprise me.

I don't have much in the way of companionship either. It's hard for me to make friends.

I understand not being able to get out of bed. I have felt that way a lot, recently. Are you thinking of calling your boss to explain the no call/no show, or would you rather just wait until you see them?

People don't understand PTSD. They think it's something we can just let out and get over. Does your boss know about you having PTSD?

I had a job where I told my bosses that I am disabled with mental health problems. But I never told them what kind of mental health problems. But I didn't tell them until after I was hired. I've encountered a lot of discrimination when I told potential bosses before I was hired that I am disabled with mental health problems.

What kind of work do you do, if you don't mind me asking.

I've been packing, and I am at the end of my rope with how much packing I can stand. Luckily I am ahead of schedule and am down to taking apart my bedframe and a small section of my bedroom. Logically, I'm not worried, but my brain runs on the anxiety from PTSD, so there is always fear that something will go wrong. And I am alone so I have no one to help me.

I hope you can get some relief from the anxiety.

--tree

@purpleTree4652@beautifuldisasterx0

I'm working on nervous system regulation stuff with my therapist. Today I brought my weighted blanket to work to rest on my legs while I do my work and then I also brought a couple of sensory things and have my journal and journaling pen set close by so that if I need to write to regulate my nervous system I can.

Making friends is hard. I don't understand why I struggle so much with it. I've had so much interpersonal trauma that it's hard to trust people and feel safe with people, but I long for companionship and connection none-the-less.

I talked to my supervisor about Tuesday, well kinda, I just said I texted her (even though the text never sent).

My boss knows I have mental health concerns and PTSD. I was doing testing for ASD and she was accommodating my need for days off to do that.

I had a previous job use my mental health against me and so I'm a bit nervous of my boss knowing.

I do case management for homeless individuals.

Packing is one of my least favorites and often sends my entire body into a freeze mode and I feel paralyzed and struggle to get everything done, so good on you for being able to make progress quicker than expected!

@beautifuldisasterx0

Hi there! I am so sorry that you feel this way and I know from personal experience that it can be a horrible way to feel, especially given that it's resulting in having panic attacks and dissociating. It's so frustrating when you just want to be able to do the things that you want to do but anxiety feels like a barrier at every turn. I want you to know that you aren't alone and our community on 7 Cups is here to support you and I'm really glad you're here!

I promise you that even though it feels like it will never get better, these feelings will pass. Healing from something like PTSD is not a linear process and it takes baby steps to start feeling better about things. I'm so proud of you for trying and by making this post, you are showing up for yourself and wanting to get better - I promise that you will. That is something to be proud of and it shows that you are hopeful about what the future holds, despite the fear that comes with anxious feelings.

From my experience with general anxiety (which I have managed to overcome since), I found that distraction techniques are something that helped me to feel better. Even though it's extremely difficult to focus our mind away from anxious feelings, if we try to occupy our mind with something else, such as drawing or a mindfulness exercise, it can gradually allow us to shift our focus, and make those baby steps into feeling better. The more that our attention is focused on the negative, the more we will look for the negative. It's like if we are walking down the street, we don't notice the cars that are on the road. However, if we are thinking about, say, a red car, we begin to notice all of the red cars that are on the road.

A lot of the time, we are so focused on the past or the future that it is difficult to enjoy the present moment and everything that we feel grateful for. However, I know that these feelings must feel really confusing and overwhelming but over time, they become easier to deal with. Please remember that you are enough as you are and you will get through this - I believe in you!!