Anxious cuz self pity n need of company is hard:(
U know how u get anxiety from self pity since ur not okay n however that is, I know I can finally say putting myself first n do something for me or during meditation the compassion I was finally thought of - MYSELF
whenever I reach out to ppl to this day only one thing in life shows- they don’t care the same I do or in deeper level
i couldn’t hold onto any rope since it’s all temporary …
it’s either bad luck in life, my own personality or sometjing in between since no, I’m not strong n I deserve same treatment for my stuff but ppl never give me, it’s easier for them to even assume oh well I’m strong I know my stuff doesn’t mean I don’t feel it anymore!!
it’s so hard to befriend somebody cuz the comfort n interaction like being seen is my need but when ppl don’t give me back what I need or in such pattern or amount it’s like, I’m going such lengths when they don’t even care n can fade on me (ghosting)….
ofc, u end up bottling it again n again no matter what hobby, what meditation I do I still end up being in the same pain.
never open door to anyone or help unless u know they would show something from their side but also, once I stop, they stop too… don’t even try there I’m telling you, it only shows their characters n how plain they all are… I would never done it but guess that’s just me… this is not just one time or one community, it’s multiple situations, circles, people that brought me to this stage!!
tell me ppl, whats worth in this world anymore than yourself?
@livbinny what's worth in this world anymore than yourself??
Kindness of a stranger. Without a kind word, a kind smile, a kind deed, then many people would not make it as far as they do in life ❤we can all change the world just one kind deed at a time 🙂❤
But ppl exploited it from me..
nor did I receive anything back but even now when I tried to reach out to person w similar struggles all they did was telling me how comfort only comes after I leave this situation as if it was that easy making me feel like I’m not enough now which it’s not true💔
some ppl give out suggestions, not listening to u properly ending up in unsolicited advice without comfort or empathy
leaves me broken yk.
i just don’t believe that ppl rly care either🙏🏻
Tbh it must be good stranger. Not all of them care or want to help n it’s easier to give up on a person without offering compassion.
@livbinny yeah I know🙁 it's sometimes hard to believe that there are still people who are kind out there. I didn't think so till I was 18 but since then all I've seen is the kindness in people, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones to have so much kindness shown to me.I'm sorry if what I said upset you, that was not my intention ❤ I just wish there was a way I could help you, the best I can do is offer a hug🙂 hugs you tightly ❤❤
Yeah likely a luck since to me whenever I trust or open up even shows that not all good ppl are good fit for me, I’m exhausted n tired as I wish somebody once fought for me, offered me the same amount of giving I so wholeheartedly was pouring to so many ppl just ending up used n being their spare time or for granted like they gave up sooner or later, some even gave up day one!
i see goodness in ppl hence why I always gave them chances (trust, vulnerability) n kept being hurt…. Until I’m having like enough like now from recent case w one member (not here)
somewhat similar like u in that kindness but I stopped believing they are truly good…
mind sharing what the good say or share w u?
I think it’s incredible luck to have that in life, hope u cherish it every day
@livbinny trigger warning, abuse... my life started out really bad, I was born into a Christian cult and like many other kids kept as a slave. When I was 18 me and a handful of other slaves were rescued by law enforcement that's the first people who showed me kindness ❤ I was taken straight to the hospital where I spent months having operations and things. There was this one nurse who would just sit beside me for hours talking to me and keeping me calm ❤ all the doctors and nurses were so kind to me ❤ since then I have been living in a carehome, so I have 24 hour care here, cause I'm disabled now. I'm incredibly lucky to be here all the carers and staff are just unbelievably kind to me ❤ and I thank God everyday for the life I have now ❤ I wish someone could rescue you to, I maybe to much sometimes when it comes to advice, I tend to give positive advice. But with you I will try to dial that back and just listen to you ❤ sometimes all we need to know is that someone hears us ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
I know… not having freedom from childhood n then it continues to adulthood, I mean for me it feels very limiting but I can relate to u of not having it earlier years as well. Honestly like I said
incredible luck, I’m rly sad today cuz just lonely like yeaterday ..
ppl keep disappointing so I just w myself all days long …
I wish I was in home like my grandma or u basically ..
I could give everything to have such nurse or someone beside me, I wish the same n I’m trying to find friends but it’s another impossible, usually they ghost away but I’m trying to keep at least hope here…(online search) no matter what we have if we don’t have those ppl, my soul is empty every day. It’s rly honestly just good that ur thriving environment now w such company.
sometimes I go to my relatives when they text me (occasionally visiting) n there is this good atmosphere most of time so if u live in that daily it must be liberating n just peaceful I guess?
also happy early holidays in case I forget later!
I got tired of reaching out so thx for listening
@livbinny yeah it is really nice here, I am very lucky ❤ were you and your grandma close? Loneliness is probably one of the worst things anyone can go through🙁 I'm sorry sweetie. Hugs you tightly ❤ merry Christmas to you too ❤
I can still write her letters but when I’m empty n feeling bad it’s just so weird today… I think I might have had suppress my self pity cuz it was doing terrible things to me but I miss comfort, day by day just me not seeing other ppl than my fam but when I stopped imagining things n stopped living in my head à lot everything around seems dull🙏🏻🥺🌟
I wish these challenges could end these Christmas
hole in the chest.
got carried away before I sent this
what are ur current challenges there?
🐰📲🎄
@livbinny yeah it's hard only seeing certain people all the time bless you🙁 that's one problem I have here to, it's actually a old folks nursing home where I live, so there's noone around my age here. I don't leave the carehome, so I don't have friends or family. But my biggest challenges are mental and physical health issues. Mental health is definitely always the hardest 🙁
@livbinny here for you
slow down it helps
take care