exhausted and desperate for help
I would like to report on recent developments, and perhaps still seek help from others.
At the suggestion of my aunt and uncle, I went to visit my girlfriend in the capital last weekend. Her family was very welcoming, her parents gave me a ride, took me to dinner, gave me gifts for my family, and invited me to visit their home. But I don't think this is an endorsement, it is just a polite way for her family to say that they welcome me as a friend visiting her.
Her mother told her that she didn't think the two of us would work out. She also said that it was important for one of us to have a household registration in the capital, because when she was young, she suffered a lot in terms of education, work and other things because of her household registration. It's hard for me to reconcile this, because it's not an easy thing to do, and it means that I need to be very good and have long-term prospects there, while the temporary opposition of my family, the difficulties of finding work and the cost of living are all things that I need to consider.
The internship at the planning institute seems to be turning into a full-time job, and my aunt wants me to have dinner with someone from the institute this week. However, I don't plan to work there long-term, at least not yet. Although my family thinks the job is stable and well-paid, I'm not sure if it's the right choice for me. I've heard that the institute's pay is falling because the industry is shrinking, and it's very tiring. I see my colleagues working overtime all the time.
I thought meeting would allow us to bond more deeply, and it did. But after her mother's pressure and a brief separation, she became anxious, which I did not want. Her application is still encountering a lot of obstacles, and she doesn't have that many friends to turn to for advice. I worry about her.
I feel unmotivated about life. I have reflected on this and realised that I don't seem to have any goals of my own. I'm just being pushed along by my relationship problems and my family's expectations. I have no idea what I would do if I didn't have anyone else's expectations. I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I'm suited to do, and I don't want to turn my hobbies into a job. I feel numb.
Sometimes I feel so desperate that I don't know how to go on with my life. It's as if I'm caught in a spider's web, pulled in all directions by all kinds of realities, and it seems like no matter what I do, it's useless. But then there are times when I feel like I can solve these problems one step at a time, and I feel hopeful again. This cycle forms the fabric of my life. I feel exhausted.
@Megalodon123
Hello,
Merry Christmas!~
Anxiety is a rotten
thief that tries to steal our happiness away, and anxiety can only
occur when you're not focused on something that advances your life from
the smallest thing like making your bed and then look at the progress
and it feels good. (I had to learn the hard way
and I suffered SEVERELY! My anxiety got so terrible that I had to be
admitted to the hospital. I found that
keeping busy doing anything at all helps. ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE
When I feel the
anxiety starting, I consider it a challenge and a fight that I must win,
(This takes a real creative effort) I try to quickly focus on
anything (one of my hobbies like drawing, logging onto 7Cups, Playing a
few games of chess online, etc. Nothing
hard but maybe looking at your cellphone's photo
gallery, or looking / reading through old text messages and maybe
sending
a
text with a creatively edited photo. I use 7Cups as a distraction often
(which is what
brought me here tonight). When our thoughts are blank, the anxiety
sneaks in, but when we are focused on something (Productive, Practical,
Positive and/or creative),
it diverts our attention and hence we no longer are paying attention to
anxiety. Learn to hate anxiety and start finding creative distractions
and look for ways like singing out-loud, or listening to the radio while
sketching a silly doodle, or doing a crossword puzzle. I write poems
about my anxiety also. I make little to do lists so I can keep my
thoughts directed at progress in my life. Keep it simple and give
yourself a lot of self care!
@juliak1968 Thank you very much for your reply.
In fact, some psychological counselling, AI help, or some self-help booklets have taught me a lot of ways to deal with anxiety – focus on the present.
But these suggestions can only help me alleviate my psychological problems, they cannot completely solve them – obviously, if the root cause of anxiety is not solved, it will still exist. I'm just tired of it, the waves of anxiety coming and going.
@Megalodon123
Hi, I just want you to know one thing that I learned and that is, When I thought things were hopeless and my perception turned to negative dark grey colors of the bad sides of things. I wrote this poem about it:
Perceiving what we believe in
is deceiving and has no meaning
as life's mistreating
dishes out this beating
........Leaving us bleeding
�
But we cant see it if we close our minds
....and we cant think about this when we're blind
so walk away and you will find,
a freind here waiting for a sign!
So take your time
.....and organise
whats on your mind
and you'll wisely find
you're not really behind
so relax your eyes and you'll realize
you're fine just the way you are!
And you can reach for the stars
put cream on the scars
and then healing transpires
The delusional parts only confuse our goals
...and they corrupt our souls
Leaving us with a heart full of holes.
Set goals now and your mind will see
what closed eyes have failed to believe
Don't let sight deceive & keep us on our knees
....throwing logic into the breeze.
�
Winds at your back excited
Winds of hope reignited me.
Step by step confide
so we can share secrets of life
........Thinking
"what could be?"
.......But only if we let it,
if you hold back you'll regret it!
"There, Now I've gone and said it!"
We hold ourselves down......
Dirty on the ground.....
I've found myself tormented and bound
by invisibility. ......
I've ignored all possibility.....
so I must set myself free
of a self-inflicted confined mystery
....That causes so much mind-bending misery
I just want you to know I don't feel this way any more and it because my insightful therapist assured me I was going to get fully better and that gleam of hope, combined with my willingness to get out of my own way, and agreeing to take quite a few mental health medications. This combination and the new outlook I learned from my therapists to ride the wave as one of them puts it, and after carefully addressing many of my problems, I got stronger and overcame the grim perceptions!
You Can Too! :-)
I promise!
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 That's very sweet of you!
The poem is very beautiful and also tells me that I may be stronger than I think.
I wish you the best in life and really appreciate your reply.
@Megalodon123
Thank you so much, It makes me happy when I see these connections through using poetry to help get it all out and then share the lesson I was taught by it. I wish you a blessed happy and meaningful 2025
Tag me back anytime. Happy New Year!
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 Hello, I am very scared and anxious right now, as it seems that my internship is about to turn into a job. I don't know how to tell my girlfriend, as I think she will be hurt and feel aggrieved. It is clear that the pressure of reality is making her feel difficult.
