Speaking Impulsively
Hi ADHDers~
So I've been noticing more just how often I talk without thinking. I know it's most likely due to my adhd processing and acting before thinking, and I feel like I have no control over it, which sucks big time.
I recently had a rather embarrassing experience during a conversation with my boyfriend where I blurted out wrong information and he got very confused. He is aware of my adhd and didn't seem bothered by my sheer audacity, but still it made me incredibly upset afterwards because I absolutely HATE the fact that I cannot seem to think things through properly without speaking. I mean this is the type of stuff that could potentially get me fired from work if it was under a different context.
So, how does an adhd-er deal? I mean it's not like I can just stop talking altogether. Is there an actual way to slow down our fast brains just a little? Anyone have any tips?
Writing things down before hand you want to say won't work if it's during a spontaneous conversation.
Spry of unrelated but I'm also done with this whole "showing myself self compassion" business during these blunders. What's the point of it if it's just going to continue happening to me again?
Anyway I was just wanting to k ow others experience with this impulsive speaking, and if they've been able to handle it in a way that's constructive and doesn't make them feel like they should just...not talk much at all?
Also, what i mean from the firing from work point is, I've been lucky so far from not speaking too impulsively at work so far...but is there really no hope for us when it comes to impulse control? If we can't "try harder", then what do we do?
@cafedaydreams
Hi cafedaydreams, I wanted to invite you to watch this video from 49:45 to 53:53. This was from the recent online ADHD conference, and in it you will hear from Joseph Pack, who is an ADHD coach who explains how meditation helps people deal with their impulsivity and why. If you pull the video back a bit further around to the 43:10 mark it will give you even more context. I found his entire hour long presentation very informative. Hope this helps give you some ideas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgl5GtDhVTA&t=2976s
Thiss!!! I know how you feel! I badly need help with this. I just downloaded this app. And my vocabulary is filled with explatives to better show emphasis when I am speaking. And also I am very prone to using very harsh sarcasm. Thats just how I grew up because I was bullied a lot when I was younger and had to use that language as a defense mechanism. Now I am married and this is a large burden to all of my relationships because I am just super acustomed to speaking this way, and of course as you point out, speaking before even talking. Its so hard to change this, as I am hurting everyone who I love. But I dont mean to ever hurt anyones feelings. Ive been told its the tone of your voice. But I dont see it till its far too late. And my “sorry” doesnt mean much when I cant seem to stop making this happen. If you get any good tips please let me know!!
Hi, I understand completely on how you feel, and I also struggle with it till present day. However, one thing I heard that it would help to make it slightly better is whenever I’m about to say smth I would take one deep breath and then recall in my mind what I’m abt to say like I’m saying it out loud but I don’t.
for instance if I want to say “ I love cat” I would take a deep breath rerun the exact sentence “ I love cat “ in my head before I say it then say it. This allow me to stop saying things I actually don’t want to say.
hope it helps and don’t feel alone, I completely understand and even though I know the trick I still struggle to actually incorporate it irl.
best wishes <3
@helloOrange8075
Great advice here. It works on the idea of creating a space between a thought and an action. The presenter explained this in my previous response, where I linked a video clip. With ADHD, there is no space; there is only a stimulus and an immediate response. This is why active meditations are so beneficial for people with ADHD: It slowly creates a gradual gap, a space, between a stimulus and action, helping us to be less impulsive.