Seeking Support

Hi, so I never really allow myself to talk about even the simple things in life . Like I feel challenged to write and mainly speak about it in real life, but yeah I feel aroused // difficult to understand .., but I know it’ll be good once I put it out there. I feel ashamed for loving an older guy in here. They’ll never know it’s me , they’ll never know how abusive I am towards myself and thus , the people I’ll surround myself with , having had or having, I should say schizophrenia. The two go together because 

Well, I had a lot of thoughts about them while at a High Vibe event in SF. I know I was there for them , and as a memento for that . yes , I feel alone, and isolated. I just want sex, if that makes sense . I don’t want to ID with my illnesses like they do . I want to craft my own response without having then listen to me and my story , if that makes sense for once . sorry if anyone had inappropriate thoughts. I totally felt gaslighted .