Internet Gore Videos

I know this may be the oddest thing you’ve read on this page

TW: mention of death

when I was about 9 or 10 I was introduced to Reddit and was given unrestricted access to the internet. As a child I would explore Reddit top to bottom finding cool stuff and bad stuff, which was a the Mexican cartels gore videos. A child would not be able to comprehend what death may be at least me at my young age did not know what was happening. I watched them over and over, not understanding the pain of the people behind the screen. Over time it became an addiction, even after figuring out what horrible things were happening in the videos I watched nonetheless. The videos would make me sick, and almost always cry, I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD after having an episode after seeing my mother with a toy gun thinking it was real and that she would have shot me/an animal/ or herself with it and imagining the mortifying and horrific scene of what our bodies would have looked like afterwards. Watching those videos had given me a disorder, though that didn’t stop me from watching more videos. God I couldn’t stand myself anymore knowing what I was watching and how much it affected my life and how I will now see life. A few months back from present day I vowed to no longer visit a gore site or watch gore and I have abide by that vow ever since I am now 3 months clean of gore at Thirteen, I am happier than I have ever been yet I still have episodes in certain situations I am still healthier than I had ever been in the last 4 years.

I am sorry if this isn’t valid nor acceptable as an addiction. I apologize for how cruel this may be.