Giving up years of sobriety (alcohol)
I am currently yearning for the numbness of alcohol. Sober over 4 years. My mental and physical struggles have taken their toll and tomorrow morning I am planning on picking up a variety of alcohol after I go to the doctors. I know I am done on all fronts if I do but I don’t care. I’ve been beaten down this year nonstop.
I was hoping that my desire to do this would diminish at least somewhat. It hasn’t. I am only a few hours away from going to the doctors and stopping at the store. I know this is not a smart decision, but it is a temporary solution to numb everything.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😥😥😥😥😥 I'm not gonna try and change your mind here, sometimes anything that helps us get through the day is just needed, wether it's a bad decision or not. Just remember I love and care about you ❤❤
You'll change your mind if you give in. Alcohol no longer has that numbing, relaxing, care-free, worry about it later-dance now—effect. It’ll weigh you down, taste bad, and make your mind do the opposite of what you want—there’ll be no peace in that brain. Just stress and guilt. I promise.
I agree with you completely. Where I am at mentally and physically, I just yearn for that feeling to wash over me and at the very least the extreme physical pain I am in will temporarily disappear. I have managed to not go to the store and ruin sobriety for now.
The roughest point may be soon if they find a true source of my physical pain. Depending on what it is and what can be done, which in turn determines how much my life is affected.
That will be the day that really tests my sobriety.
I have no desire for it other than what I stated. I even tested myself during my second year of sobriety. I intentionally purchased alcohol and kept it in my fridge. I had it there for quite awhile. I did open one up and I tested myself to see if I could even stand the taste. I couldn’t even swallow that sip , I proceeded to open up all of it and pour it out. In your eyes I may have given up sobriety that day because I took a sip. But in my eyes, I didn’t take that sip because I needed a drink or even wanted a drink. I wanted to know if sobriety helped poison the taste. I have done that in regards to my nicotine habits also. Doing so helps reinforce my resolve.
I do 150% agree with you.
Thank you for reaching out.
