Thoughtful Thursday: Perfectionism
Thoughtful Thursday: Perfectionism
What are some signs of Perfectionism?
A person who is a perfectionist always strives for perfection. They believe everything has to be done right or it’s not enough. They deal with lots of fear and are constantly on-edge of not wanting to make mistakes. They are high achievers, but they may never reach their unrealistic goals. Michael Phelps is known to have won eight gold medals at the Olympics only to then crash and receive a diagnosis of depression because he was too hard on himself.
Making mistakes is a part of learning and growing. There is no such thing as perfect. There is a saying "practice makes perfect" but this isn't true. Practice makes things more routine and permanent, which leads to growing and becoming better at things, but perfection is not possible. It’s not about how tidy, clean or well-arranged something is. What is important is achieving a goal that is realistic.
10 Signs You May Be a Perfectionist
- All or Nothing Thinking: Perfectionists make high goals and if perfection is not met it’s not good enough.
- Being Highly Critical: Perfectionists are more expectant of themselves and others than high achievers. They pinpoint imperfections and have trouble seeing other valuable issues.
- Feeling Pushed by Fear: Perfectionists seem to be pushed toward their goals by fear of not achieving them, whereas high achievers are pulled more by a desire.
- Having Unrealistic Standards: Perfectionists set their goals out of reach, while high achievers may set high goals out of fun.
- Focusing Only on Results: High achievers enjoy chasing goals, but perfectionists see the goal and nothing else.
- Feeling Depressed by Unmet Goals: Perfectionists wallow in negativity when their goals are not met, but high achievers move on quickly.
- Fear of Failure: Perfectionists are much more afraid to fail than high achievers. It makes it hard to begin new things when wallowing in failure.
- Procrastination: Fear of failure keeps perfectionists immobile to do anything.
- Defensive: They can’t take constructive criticism because being anything less than perfect is scary.
- Low Self-Esteem: Perfectionists seem to have low self-esteem because they are overly critical of themselves. They may also be overly critical of others which can push others away.
Questions
- What can be done when perfection escalates?
- Do you believe there are ways to accept your natural tendencies as a perfectionist and still achieve your goals?
Sources
Scott, E. (2022). 10 Signs You May Be a Perfectionist. https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233.
Smith, A. (2013). Overcoming Perfectionism. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.
McGrath, P. B. (2011). Practice Does Not Make Perfect. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-try-harder-try-different/201104/practice-does-not-make-perfect.
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@WhiteRoses25
You are so right. I am one of those people who was raised to be a perfectionist and it is exhausting trying to achieve a goal that is in reality unachievable❤️.
@WhiteRoses25 totally not me /s
@WhiteRoses25
1. What can be done when perfection escalates?
I think the best thing to do is to be more aware and try to understand why we are like this? What happened to us in life that made us to think we have to be a perfectionist? I think when we understand why then we will be able to work on changing.
2. Do you believe there are ways to accept your natural tendencies as a perfectionist and still achieve your goals?
Most definitely! There is nothing with with wanting to achieve greatness in life. There is nothing wrong with playing the game of life in order to achieve that A. It's only natural to want to do well. I mean, our whole lives we are programmed to do well in school... to get good grades... to go to college... to get a "good job". But it was just because that is what we were brainwashed to think. I used to be a perfectionist. I say used to be but deep down there is a part of me that still is. Academically, I have always been bright and I expected the best from me. If it was up to be I would have been a professional student.
I got certification after certification in the healthcare yet I never did anything with the success I had on paper. When I did attend university, I made all A's and 1 B and made the dean's list but life happened and I withdrew. To this day I don't have a that piece of paper people go to school to get. I don't have a degree. I realize my whole life doing what I was brainwashed and programmed to do literally messed me up. Sometimes the fear of failure and being a perfectionist just stops you from growing as a person. You no longer get started to take a risk to try because you may fail... and so in stead of failure, you opt to do nothing. It is a daily struggle but I think it is very possible to overcome it in a sense. We honestly need to know that perfection does not exist here on Earth. We are not perfect and cannot achieve perfect. GOD doesn't even require perfection from us.
@YourCaringConfidant
You are right we do not have to be perfect. We only have to strive for the things that we want in life. Right now I am studying hard for an exam and I am not doing well on the final exam but I will not quit. I only have to get the bare minimum and learn from my mistakes. When the real exam comes I hopefully will know what this topic is more about and achieve my own perfection which may not be an A. But hopefully a pass.
I am a perfectionist. I have found that self-compassion really helps me cope with perfectionistic urges.
@WhiteRoses25 I can relate to this a lot!