Thoughtful Thursday: Dependency

Understanding Dependency

• We tend to depend on a lot of forces apart from ourselves in times of distress. This can range from substance to habits to people. This article pertains to dependence on people.
• While we depend on others to some extent normally, as social animals, excessive dependence can limit our ability to perform in the outside world and cause psychological issues. As we grow older, the extent to which we depend on caregivers diminishes as we start gaining independence. What can be called unhealthy dependence will vary across cultures as some value individuality more than others while some value collectivity.
• People can have dependent personalities. When an intense need to be taken care of is present across most domains and matches the appropriate criteria in DSM, it is referred to as dependent personality disorder (DPD).

Few things to keep in mind when you’re dealing with Dependency

• Resorting to dependent behaviour is a tendency that can be manipulated over time by engaging in more autonomous behaviour. Self-confidence is a major component here. A person who tends to be overly dependent on others might not have the confidence of doing the same activities by themselves. Sometimes, this may not be very apparent. The person may simply refuse to engage in a behaviour (for example: eating food by themselves) claiming that they cannot while not even considering the potential of doing it themselves. This is understandable, after all, it's a habit that's existed for a long time and seemingly worked for them. So believing in the potential of doing things themselves and having a mindset that's prepared to try again even if there is failure can help kickstart the process.
• Establishing skills that are conducive to relying on self can be helpful. This can simply mean learning how to grocery shop or making an important decision by looking up relevant information.
• Forming relationships with others who encourage the individual to rely on themselves rather than doing stuff for them can be beneficial. While this may be distressing to the individual at first and they may even end up disliking the person for not doing their stuff for them, it helps establish healthier patterns in the long term.

Questions

1. What do you depend on other people for? What does the experience of depending on others for these things make you feel?
2. Any other thoughts about the topic?

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