a letter you'll never send...

@EmmaE

Awesome idea Emma!!!

Darling, So we are back again in that dark place we once promised never to go back. A place we took months to pull out off, and lot of effort. I know you feared it may happen again. And that's why you refused to step out into the outside world for a very long time. Creating excuses and stories to delay your departure, until one day you had to leave your comfort nest and into the real world and face the reality. But you said something remember before you left?!... You scribbled some words down on a crumpled rough paper.....it said...."don't fear to fall again.....for once you have learnt to rise....falling won't be a problem." A little bit of time, a tiny amount of patience....see your emotion, respect it and love it....and you are going to be just fine. Hang in there. Hugs and kisses, Your true self.

So i know you cheated and left me for the guy who got you pregnant... and that you stole all of my life savings. and because of the person you are you'll never tell me in person or even through txt why. You don't know how badly that hurts. Even after i told you that same exact thing happened to me on the past. Starting to think maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not ment for anyone.

@EmmaE

thank you for this. i will write one letter to my past/present self and one to my future.

dear past me,

i am so sorry. i've put you through so much. so many emotions, so much hell that you didn't deserve.

dear future me,

i promise to be kind. i promise to treat us right.

<3

Dear Me, you should’ve milled yourself like your dad. The end

I looooove this! 💜

Lets do two!

Dear past me,

I'm so proud of you for fighting through everything and coming out the other side a better person. I know you wanted to give up sooooo many times, but you stayed strong and beleived that everything will work out.

Dear future me

we gotta start believing in ourself more, we always believe we are destined to fail and most of the time we dont. Sl lets stop stressing ourself out and have a little faith that we can do things. We also need to stop being such a door mat and letting certain peeps walk over us when all they have is bad intentions. We got this! our futures gonna be great!

Love 🍌

Tagging some other member peeps -

@KimmKimm @Savannamb05

I walked away, because no matter how much I thought over it all, the timing, how much I cared, anything I tried made it worse. You are so focused on your own suffering that you can't see anything else. You made everything about you. Either you'd threaten me, belittle me, or play the victim. You enjoyed intimidating me, because in reality you can't actually do anything. You'd say things about me that you refused to say to my face. You'd put yourself down appealing to my heart, hoping I'd tell you it was ok and relieve you of your guilt. You'd claim I was doing to you the things that you were actually doing to me, because I finally gave up thinking I'd play by your rules so you wouldn't have to complain anymore. You would say mean things to yourself to distract from taking responsibility for your mistakes. It was manipulation. You were happy to take "responsibility" for "something" semi-related, because you got a reward for that. What you weren't willing to do was own up to the real reasons AND make positive changes from them. I never told you even half of the ways you hurt me, half of what I really think you were doing, consciously or not. I was trying not to hurt you. I was trying to handle things maturely, kindly, delicately, and respectfully. Healthy communication doesn't get me anywhere if the other person is committed and addicted to toxicity. So I walked away. But still somehow I'm the bad guy. I would have liked to had a peaceful goodbye. But you would have never granted me that. You like the drama too much. You feed on your own negativity, because it's all you're willing to have. You reject positivity in any form, unless it gets you attention. You like to pick out anything you can on me to make yourself feel better. From my view, it doesn't seem to have helped your conscience any, because this far later you're still saying the same things and wondering why you're in pain. Do you know why you can't get over it? Because you're not admitting the full truth of everything. You're telling the story with half truths still trying to paint yourself in the best light to everyone else. You can talk about how you feel I hurt you. I don't care. I'm not perfect, but I'm able to move on because I know I gave it the best I could. But you also need to admit your own wrongdoing without playing the pity game, being sarcastic, half-hearted, or blaming your actions on someone/thing else. Do that, and you'll be able to see things truly for what they were, with peace and without anger. If your goal continues to be to talk further about me to everyone and make excuses for your own actions, that's your choice and doesn't affect me. I don't need them to know the truth, though I suspect they can see through some of it anyway. You'll feel temporary relief and justified, then wonder why still nothing feels better the next day.

Hey young me, You'd be disappointed in who I am, but I'm doing my best. I couldn't live up to what you wanted me to be, but maybe I can still make you proud. I'm learning to accept that I'm quite weak and may never do some of the things we want to. Trying my hardest, even when that isn't very hard, is all I can do and maybe one day I'll get some things done. I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm sorry. I really am. -Its me.

… I don’t know what to call you. I’m not sure you have a name that isn’t mine. I see you trying to get out, to end things, to change. It’s okay. All of it. The mess, the sadness, the rage. You are loved, even in the dark places. And you are worth more than you’ll know. It is okay to not be okay. But know that I’m here, on either side of that valley, reaching out a hand. And I will be here. Waiting patiently, with love. Unconditionally.