How to Help a Partner Living With Depression

“Whether they are coping with seasonal symptoms or chronic depression, here’s how to offer love and understanding while still caring for yourself.

Cultivate curiosity about your partner’s experience.

When your partner is in pain, you may feel an urge to dive right in and tell them what you think is happening. But try to lead by asking questions. Ask your partner how they are feeling. Tell them you’d like to understand more about what they’re going through.

If your partner is defensive, try a strategy known as “reflective listening.” For instance, if you ask your loved one how they are feeling and they tell you they are fine and there is nothing wrong, you respond with something along the lines of: “What you’re telling me is that there’s nothing wrong, is that correct? Can I tell you what I’ve noticed?”

If you make an effort to lead with questions rather than rushing to share your opinion, your partner is more likely to feel heard and valued, not judged.

Acknowledge your own limitations.

To help a loved one get diagnosis and treatment, you can call potential providers and set up appointments, or compile a list of clinicians for them to contact. But experts say it is also important to remember that you cannot force anyone to get help, and that pushing too hard can backfire.

Partners who put too much care-taking responsibility on themselves are also often overcome with feelings of guilt and shame when they are unable to fix the problem.

Prioritize your own mental health.

Romantic partners can affect each other’s health and health-related behaviors in ways good and bad. If you’re living with somebody who is depressed and feeling helpless — and oftentimes doesn’t want to get help — then you can start to feel depressed and helpless. It is imperative that you support your own mental health.

Make time for things you enjoy.

Simply getting out of the house for a bit and making time for the activities you enjoy can help protect your own emotional well being when your partner is struggling. Spend time outside in nature, get involved in some form of advocacy or move your body. Research has shown, for instance, that jogging for 15 minutes a day, or doing less strenuous exercise like walking or gardening for an hour, may have a protective effect against depression.”

Read the full article on The New York Times

✨Takeaway: There are methods to support your partner while still taking care of yourself when they are battling depression. As much as you want to help, know that there are limitations. Partners who take on too much of the caregiving are frequently overtaken with feelings of guilt and shame when they are unable to solve the issue. So, remember to look after yourself as well.

✨Reflection: Do you or have you ever had difficulties helping a partner or anyone with depression?

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