Forum Guidelines Expanded: 8. Listener Boundaries
This post is a part of our series on expanded forum guidelines to help all users better understand the purpose of each guideline and for forum moderators to understand appropriate behavior and review examples of this rule in action.
My post was edited/deleted for Listener Boundaries. What does that mean?
7. Users are expected to maintain a listener role if on a listener account. This includes not seeking emotional or personal support and following the expectations of a listener outlined in active listening. Please switch to a member account if necessary.
Purpose of rule: to maintain boundaries and professionalism. The purpose of this rule is to promote self-care and prevent role reversal of listeners and members.
Examples: im going through a really hard time right now, can anyone walk me through it? (on a listener account), cursing on a listener account
Explanation: At 7 Cups we take the listener role very seriously and ask that listeners are focused on giving support and switching to a member account to seek support, in order to maintain appropriate expectations and quality support
Appropriate Action: If at all possible, the forum moderator should remove the offending content while retaining the post. All edits should include the forum moderators name and the reason for editing (e.g. listener boundaries). In the event that the post cannot be retained, the forum moderator will delete the whole post. If you believe a forum moderator has edited or deleted your post in error, you can email forum@7cups.com and we will investigate.
Clarifications:
--- I can relate to a lot of what youve said. When I was struggling with my eating disorder, I often felt like I wasnt sick enough to get help, but recognizing that I wouldnt ever tell someone else they werent sick enough was a big breakthrough for me
- Sharing your story for the purpose of supporting others is absolutely allowed and can be a good way to relate to others or to share what was helpful for you. The line is crossed when it turns from you sharing to help someone else to you sharing to seek help for yourself.
--- I can relate to a lot of what youve said. I also dont feel like Im sick enough to get help and I dont know what to do.
- In this case, the listener is relating to the member, but is not doing so in a way that is giving support, but instead is seeking support. This places the member in a potentially uncomfortable situation and crosses the boundary of the listener role. This listener should switch to a member account to post seeking support.
--- That sounds like a really ****ty situation!
- As discussed in guideline 5, cursing from a listener account is considered unprofessional and outside the listener role.
Do you have questions about what is or isnt okay or need further clarification on examples? Post below and we will problem solve together!
Hi forum moderators! The forum ambassadors have started this series to provide clarification on the forum guidelines. We will be posting one of these (and tagging you) over the next 4 weeks (one a week) until we've gotten through all 10! Please feel free to ask questions and get clarification ^^
Global Forum Leaders: @AffyAvo @AiluraBlaze @Alex @Amphios @Anomalia @ASilentObserver @BeyondTheInvisible @bunnypants @CountryGirl1231 @Emily619 @emsworld @EvelyneRose @fluffyUnicorns84 @Hope @HopefulSprings @Ila @InspiringLee @InvaderStitch @ItsPreeti @JaydenIsHere @Jenna @Keanan @LadyLazarus1971 @LunaHecate @MelAllyouneedislove @MistyMagic @MonBon @PhoenixAsh @PoliteOcean @Power @RaCat @Rain45 @RideaRainbow @Rose @River @RumpleSteeleSkin @Sailorelix @SilentSerenityy @SouthernFlame @summertimeSamness @tazzie @TortueDesBois @windflowers @Zammn
Community Centered Moderation (CCM) Forum Leaders: @AffyAvo @Alex @AnnaKateMillerLCSW @Anomalia @ArwaS @ASilentObserver @BeyondTheInvisible @bunnypants @countrygirl1231 @DaveMcGrath @Emily619 @emsworld @Erato @fluffyUnicorns84 @Hope @HopefulSprings @InvaderStitch @InspiringLee @ItsPreeti @JaydenIsHere @Jenna @Kate @Keanan @KimsonTheSteveFundYPOC @ladylazarus1971 @Laura @Lilium17 @lovelyWhisper66 @LunaHecate @Mango3 @MelAllyouneedislove @MistyMagic @MonBon @PalmTreesNRainbows @PhoenixAsh @piercetheaiden @PoliteOcean @Power @RaCat @Rain45 @redmark @RideaRainbow @River @Rose @RumpleSteeleSkin @soulsings @SouthernFlame @summertimeSamness @tazzie @windflowers @YourFriendforever @Zammn
Guideline number 6 is yet to come due to still needing some editing! Sorry for the issue!
@MelAllyouneedislove hi does anyone know where 6 went? I have 1-5 and 7 but no 6?
@soulsings
6 is in the process of being changed by the CMs - we didn't want to post it up just to change it later, so we are making sure it is all ready to go for everyone!
@MonBon thanks just want to make sure it slipped away from me. 
@soulsings did you read the full post? it says "Guideline number 6 is yet to come due to still needing some editing! Sorry for the issue!"
@MelAllyouneedislove 7. Users are expected to maintain a listener role if on a listener account. This includes not seeking emotional or personal support and following the expectations of a listener outlined in active listening.
not seeking emotional or personal support is not found anywhere in the expectations of an listener this was not outlined in listener training if this is some new rule dont lie about any justification for it just say this is a rule we want for no good reason its vague and will be interpreted as each person determines what the crime of seeking emotional and personal support is and the consequences of that crime but dont create reality this was never addressed in listener training , just be truthful at least
@jennysunrise8
This is not a new rule! We are not making up rules. All of the rules in this series are community manager approved and are established.
@MonBon yes maybe it is supported by someone but just because this rule is community manager approved and established doesnt make it right any guideline and rule that is left up to interpretation without limits is wrong and most of these guidelines so far are limitless and left up to personal interpretation this included and just leads to random censorship without any rhyme or reason to it it's not necessary if this is how some people want to spend their free time doing making unnecessary rules and making things more complicated for people this is also something some people me included want to make simple and get rid of the nonsense i guess this might be a constant struggle as some things are i dont know but thats where i stand on this.
@jennysunrise8
Which part can i help clarify for you?
@MonBon besides just griping that this is a stupid rule that shouldnt even exist nothing lol i dont think you can clarify mon i understand this rule i know you didnt create the rule im saying this is too complicated too unnecessary but some lessons are learned best through trial and error thats ok but you should do what you can or anyone to give more examples and put limits to all of these guidelines because all of these guidelines need defined better so just more examples what is included and whats exluded if you dont do that its left to subjective interpretation and thats not a good thing so just more examples and most important limits on everything
@jennysunrise8 @Monbon
The reason this rule exists is because each human is allowed one member account and one listener account. If a listener needs emotional support and wants to chat or post for their own personal situation they can log off and participate on 7cups as a member. This rule is about maintaining clear boundaries between listener and member accounts. Without this rule 7cups would be chaos. Members couldn't reliably reach out to listeners because it would be impossible to tell which listeners are offering support vs trying to get support. Then no one would get supported. This rule doesn't hurt listeners or say they don't deserve support. In my opinion it does the opposite. It says everyone deserves support but please follow the boundaries and switch to a member account. This way members can always count on listeners to be ready to give support instead of being in a place where they need support. No one makes people stay on their listener account. It's a choice and it requires peope to evaluate themselves to see if they are in a listner mode each day. If they aren't in a listener mode then they should follow this guideline and switch to a member account. By being on a listener account, a listener is making a commiment to provide support
@summertimeSamness i understand that being on a listener account is providing support but in forums listeners are discussing issues not providing active listening to someone in a chat but yes all things should have clear boundaries and limits rules/guidelines especially unfortunately right now these expanded guidelines dont more is needed to not explain what they do mean what is does include but explain what it doesnt include what things are excluded setting clear limits on the mod so they cant just interpret for themselves . every role should have limits no individual should be free to define the limits . me giving my opinion here regarding these guidelines this isnt something a listener would do in a chat so a mod could censor it if its left up to each mod and it shouldnt be mods need to be limited just as much if not more than everyone else not given rules they can freely define for themselves ... so more limits on all these is what is needed doing that will put limits on the mods which is good not doing that is definately chaos and that chaos currently exists as long as these rules remain vague
@jennysunrise8
Listeners have more roles than just doing chats though but still every listener role has a purpose to build the whole 7cups community better for members & other listeners. if that changes from me asking for personal support then I switch to my member account. so for me the boundary is clear and doesn't need further explaination. Talking about rules is part of a listener role or a member role because it's about saying your opinion about a certain topic. that is something everyone is allowed to do as long as their posts don't break any other guidelines like engaging in conflict, being unprofessionial, or being unsupportive. I'm a forum teen star so I always view my role in the forums as still member focused or community improvement focused. If i ever feel i need to get more specific personal support I always switch to my member account. A forum moderator really wouldn't mod a post by a listener and censor it for seeking personal support. Most likely they would reply to the listener's post and remind them to please be mindful of the boundary between listener and member accounts and say something like "I would love you to get the support you deserve and are welcome to reach out to other listeners from your member account" And the listener wouldn't get in trouble but just reminded of the rules. A listener would only start to get in trouble if they keep violating that boundary and ignore feedback to follow the rule. I'm a forum moderator and I don't really ever see this being a issue. Most listeners understand and follow the rule it's just that they were new and needed it to be explained politely. But in my opinion it's a super important rule to follow because then no one knows where to get proper support from if listeners are allowed to get personal support on their L account because the boundaries are violated
Some examples of listener roles:
- moderating, making forum posts, replying to member posts, community event planning, chat support, feed teams, training writing, training grading, taking active chats, writing discussions, leading discussions, peer supporting, mentoring, subcom planning, outreach planning
^even though those roles aren't all chat focused they are still for things other than personal support and that's why member accounts are for getting support and listeners are for giving it. So this guideline isn't just a forum guideline it applies to all listener interactions on the whole site
@summertimeSamness yes then the rule should be specifically limited to listeners asking for personal support and then define what that means and doesnt mean exactlyso its not left up to the mod to decide if they think they are acting as a listeners should or shouldnt act
@jennysunrise8
Personal support varies from person to person but forum moderators and chat moderaters get lots of training on how to handle each situation. We have weekly group mod training meetings where we discuss different scenarios and the best ways to handle them. Moderators are human and will make mistakes but nobody is getting removed from the site for small violations. Even a warning is a chance to grow and learn. Like i get how they might have seen how I was seeking personal support from my listener account, in the future i will work on "x" and try my best to maintain appropriate M & L account boundaries. But like I said no one is getting instantly in trouble for violating this rule. A forum moderator or if done in a group chat, a chat moderator would politely reach out to you and discuss the rule as a training chat. If a listener refuses and continues to seek personal support on their L account whether it's in forums, group chats, listener rooms, or in PM's ... then most likely they are already being reported by many members / listeners they interact with. So it's their own actions that get them in trouble. A listener needs to step back and think, "what about my actions are causing this and how can I always improve as a listener?" I ask myself that all the time and it's why i switch to my member account when i need personal support
@jennysunrise8
Yes, these rules have been around forever, this is just a series to go over the rules for any new people, make sure we all understand, break everything down into sections. There are specific rules for a listener role to not blur into a member role in order to keep boundaries.
Hmmm interesting...
I didn't remember that guideline tbh, but personally I think that's a real good idea. It reminds me a lot of how I'm trying to separate my job life from my private life and not let them mix too much... cause I figured that's how life works best for me. 
So basically, even if that wasn't a guideline already, I probably wouldn't seek for support with my personal issues while I'm on here as my "listener self" if you will. Because when I come here as a listener I know my activities on here aren't about myself, but to give support to others. That's my job on here.
So if I feel like I need to come here for other reasons than my job... but because I'm on the other end and need a listener myself... I totally wouldn't want to do that using my listener account. Cause it would feel really off to me. Instead I'd probably come here as a guest and either go to the general requests or browse a listener.
So yup, me personally, I appreciate that guideline plus it's very much in line with my own mindset about that topic. 
I'm not sure how clear its purpose is to others though. Like, if it's clear you're free to come here as a guest or a member in case you have a listener account but need support yourself.
But basically I think the guideline itself makes sense.
This post written by @Heather in 2014 discusses the boundary role for listeners HERE
This post about Listener & member roles by @Glen in 2014 HERE
Also in the teen listener chatroom rules please see rule #5 in the screenshot below
Also in the teen member chat rules please see rule #12 in the screenshot below
Listeners who take additional trainings such as forum supporter, group moderator, room supporter, peer supporter, chat support, and teen star are also taught about these guidelines & rules
^they have always been the rules and guidelines since I joined 7cups over 2 years ago
@summertimeSamness
Okay, fair enough, I guess that means it's communicated pretty clearly then. 
@summertimeSamness
Thanks Summer!
Woohoo! I've enjoyed each of the posts so far