Project ReFrame - Let's Change our Thinking Together!
There is a form of therapy called cognitive-behavior therapy or CBT. The basic idea is that how we think impacts how we feel, which then impacts how we behave. How we think – or interpret or frame our experience – influences how we feel. Here is a classic example:
I smile and say hi to my boss, but he doesn
My negative thinking patterns are so ingrained, I dont notice specific examples of when it happens.
@mercurygirl225 I've found the first step is just noticing when my thoughts are negative. If something comes up, I just try to say to myself "is this negative, positive or neutral?".
@mercurygirl225 and @LittleLotte for me it is more effective if i think "is this thought helping me towards my goals or hindering?" that way i avoid placing a negative valuation on my thoughts, because, after all, they are MY thoughts, and i'm trying to embrace unconditional acceptance of myself.
@falconer42 That's a good response but negative thinking is such a habit for me that sometimes even just noticing them is a step in the right direction.
@LittleLotte
Noticing negative patterns is absolutely a step in the right direction! We cannot begin to change our thoughts and behaviors if we are not aware of them.
@mercurygirl225 You know I had so much of these too.. But CBT sometimes doesnt help either. What helps is RECOGNIZING THAT YOU HAVE YOUR OWN INNER LIGHT NUrturing you from the inside. It's always pure. So no matter what happens outside - even if Boss does actually hate you - You remain calm and stress-free - because you are positive and never hurt anyone - so the rest of the circumstances are just decorations - changing like wavy water...nothing else....
@bubbleLake078 I like that concept. I would very much like to accomplish something like that. I am so overburdened with negative feelings and thoughts.
@mercurygirl225 Mercury girl, you could watch this video about how to find such Inner space within each of us by a wise Tibetan healer. It helped me so much once. and I hope it will help you too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZgsNW9mP1w
In fact after finding such space, of course it takes time to cleanse all your negative patterns...but after finding that space, you just feel empty calmness within...like a mirror like lake - embracing all surroundings...It is like all negativity was just some bad weather, DISTORTION, and this inner calmness is an eternal thing.
It helps in any situation you might deal with. And most often when you have noone to back you up, when you feel alone. WE are all alone as humans in our bodies with our egos (self-images) that were built over long time - but it doesn't mean we cannot access this place of Truth within us. And this Truth shall make us free, shall make us peaceful and ONE with all souls...You really would feel a part of a larger reality...I mean since all of us share this energetic particle called soul which connects us with the universe..
But this might sound rather complex...Reality is that we are all can feel calm and pure, it is a matter of finding our light within...and staying put with it.
@bubbleLake078
Also, once you begin establishing a new pattern and way of thinking and responding to things, it soons speeds up the shifts in thinking so that it doesn't take anywhere near as long to fix as it did to get there. Once you have a consciousness shift, some behaviors simply vanish. You never even have to address them because in the new mindset they don't occur. The stuff that does come up you take one step at a time, practice mindful breathing and being mindful of what is going on around you so that you can put those probems in their proper perspective which allows you to stand above the individual situations and see the bigger picture.
@mercurygirl225 Do you have any thoughts about your negative thinking pattern being so ingrained? For example - They are so ingrained I'll never be able to identify them .
@mercurygirl225 Instead of engraining those negative thoughts, perhaps you have practiced them often --up to now. When I am in a similar place I allow myself to feel and then contemplate what I think while I'm feeling what I am feeling. I usually do this exercise while I am journaling. It's like allowing myself to feel and think and I accept whatever arises as OK.
That way I capture glimpses of my own patters and then take it from there. This is what I call #MindfulJournaling.
@mercurygirl225 I know how hard it is to change your thought patterns. Although I feel encouraged because I've been doing it for along time (CBT, I mean), it's still unnatural to catch myself making these thought distortions. Keep up the hard work. You'll get there!
Wow this is a really great idea :) maybe we can merge it with the 7 day positivity challenge? They seem interconnected.
@GlenM @laura
Nice! Excellent analyzing of automatic thoughts and what CBT does, @GlenM !
I've already started and tried to do such exercises with my regular members when I noticed they are a bit too stuck in a negative kind of thinking. I cannot say that I've managed to change their thinking, because only ourselves can do it by practicing this as much as we can daily and by being more mindful with our own thoughts, feelings and actions. However, I can say that I managed to make them feel better and helped them brainstorm their own way of seeing things.
This is brilliant, I think a lot of people could benefit from this, myself included. I'm happy to see another great project launched!
We're supposed to post in this forum right? If so, then I will start of with something I experienced today.
My mother asked me to go christmas shopping with her. I initially said yes even though I was already anxious. Whilst waiting for her to be ready to go, my anxiety got so bad that I felt like garbage. So when we were about to leave, I changed my mind and decided to stay home because I wasn't feeling good. Now I feel even worse because I let my anxiety get the better of me, also I feel somewhat guilty because now my mom is going on her own. She said she doesn't mind going by herself but I still feel like I should've just went with her. There's no winning option here, if I had gone with her I would have felt bad because of my anxiety, but if I stay home I feel guilty and worthless. Anyone have suggestions on how to re-frame this?
@Cheeney If your mum really didn't want to go alone then she wouldn't have gone at all. Anxiety is a battle, and some days the battle is too much, I understand that but you don't need to feel worthless because you tried. And there will be other opportunities to try again so don't give up.
@Cheeney the first place i would start is by breaking this down into smaller chunks of thoughts. first off, what were you feeling and thinking when you were "already anxious?"
then, go to what you were thinking and feeling when your mom asked you.
then, go to what you were thinking and feeling after you backed out.
if this is overwhelming, i'd be tempted to go with what you are thinking and feeling right now. you are feeling guilty about backing out. how about this (as an example only)?
-- "my mom knows i get anxious in social situations, she may understand why i didn't want to go"
@Cheeney maybe could you tell her that you felt some kind of panic attack even though you really wanted to go with her? I am sure she will understand. If you suggest to go with her next time even for window shopping?
@bubbleLake078 Yes, I told her that I was feeling really anxious. She understood. The guilt I felt was probably created by my own mind.
I've been doing CBT and have been focusing on noticing when my thinking is negative. I'm not quite at the stage of being able to completely re-frame it myself but I'm working on it. I'm definitely going to keep trying hard though.
Here's a thought I'm having trouble re-framing:
I will never get a job working with young people again because employers discriminate against those with severe mental health problems.
Can anyone help?
@LittleLotte how's this:
"i'm strong for having survived and gotten through school with mental health problems. it's this kind of strength that people want their kids to learn from."
or maybe
"i'm working through my mental health problems, and learning how to better cope with my emotions in the process. those coping mechanisms will make me a stronger teacher, and help my students, too."
@falconer42 Thanks!
@falconer42 those are really good statements, but how does one really believe them when it is happening to them. I can come up with such statements, or hear them from others, but my inner-self just rejects the possibility of a positive conclusion.
@mercurygirl225 Very true. I don't know how to get around the barriers I face to employment because it's the way society reacts to my issues that's the problem, not my issues. But I guess having some positive statements helps to counteract the negative one.
@mercurygirl225 @LittleLotte I understand what you're saying. It's easier to come up with positive statements than it is to believe them and practice them. I feel the same way, there's always a voice in the back of my head that's like ''yeah yeah, we both know it's not true, just stop pretending''. In this instance, I think practice makes perfect. Make the positive thoughts a habit, even if you don't believe them in the beginning, just keep repeating them. Make those thoughts so loud that you can't hear the voice in the back of your head anymore.
@Cheeney Thank you.
@falconer42 wow...i just did it again. My response to you was all negative.
@mercurygirl225 and all the other respondents (lol, i can't scroll up and catch you all...) i have that problem too. the little voice that keeps demeaning all my hard work to get to at least a sense of realism (not necessarily optimism, but pessimism is just as much a distorted few of reality as optimism when i think about it). so when i started doing this exercise three years ago, i went for the "fake it until you make it" approach. i did it anyway, despite that voice that said, "we're wasting our time, life really is a sucky as we think it is, who are you kidding? you sound like some kind of cheery eyed button nosed life coach (my personal voice is kinda harsh, huh...)."
And you know what? after doing it as much as possible (sometimes when i'm really, really, really deep in the depression i can't even try to do this) i'm finding that my view of the world is more realistic. sometimes it helps to add the following when considering which thoughts are helpful to me: what is the worst that could happen? what is the best that could happen? what is most realistic, most likely to happen based on objective past experiences. it also helps to think of myself as my best friend. would i stand for someone saying the things i say to myself to my best friend? heck no!
i'd like to say it becomes automatic, and i've heard from others that it does for them. for me, i'm still working on it, but i find that i'm re-framing things faster, and it's easier than it was.
@LittleLotte What thoughts do you have about possibly never getting the kind of job you want to have most? Those thoughts are the ones you need to look at more closely .
@LittleLotte You know some things like the reality you are facing - you cannot reframe - it is just how the things are. BUT you maybe work on accepting them as they are without feeling negative about it. Maybe your new job can indirectly involve young people or work for their benefit. Sometimes our reality is a collection of many other realities - crossing each other - in which case you can understand the concerns of employers too. Because all employers look for stability. and I hate to say it - our world system is quite harsh. But maybe you could be an example if you share what you are struggling with - or support someone on forums like this one. There is so much you can do if your end goal is to benefit someone.
WOW.. Can so relate.. Was good to hear the reason's why we react the way we do in those situations.. :-)
What an amazing idea! I think I'll start posting some #projectreframe posts on my feed if I ever need a pick - me - up. I love that this will be added to the growth path.
@GlenM this is absolutely wonderful! i learned this technique several years ago working with a CBT/ACT oriented therapist. it still takes conscious effort to do, but when i'm able to catch the automatic thoughts and re-frame them, i feel much better. i credit this technique with not only helping my social anxiety and depression, but it also works with urges to do a destructive or maladaptive behavior such as using drugs as well as helping me deal with my chronic pain better.
i worked much of the way through the book "get out of your mind; get into your life" by steven hayes which i love (and i think i'm going to work the exercises again -- i used a notebook the first time so i wouldn't mark up the book, and yes, it is a cheasy title, but it's based on good, grounded clinical research not pseudo-science or psychobabble). one of the two best exercises for me in the book use this technique: the first guides you to re-frame your life story, and the second to re-frame the pain you feel from depression, or even physical pain. i'd be happy to share these exercises in posts here if anyone is interested (especially the pain creature one, which is my hands-down favorite because it exercises my creativity in the process).
i'm very excited to participate in this! (actually more positively excited then i've felt about anything in a while since this technique has helped me so much).
Excellent initiative ! Ive come across this a lot… people seem to have models of what the world is like , and often those models are quite inaccurate. In my own chats on here, I tend to go for 2 ways to overcome it… the first are mindfulness techniques, where you engage your brain in describing , for 60 seconds, everything you can see around you , in as much detail as possible, then sounds, touch etc. , just to practise getting the model right , and not basing it on automatic thoughts. The second is a more logical thing…. like a know/dont know approach. In Glenns example, it would be to say that you know that you smiled and said good morning, but you dont know what was going on in your bosses head. So whatever conclusion you come to is a hypothesis. Rationally, if she/he were grumpy with everyone, its unlikely to be you thats upset her/him. Equally, if something bad happened to you, leaving you in a bad mood, and someone smiles and says good morning and your reply is just a grunt, then thats 100% understandable for you. But not for them.
I guess that CBT is really the only technique I know to be able to help people , apart from simply listening and understanding. But without doubt it has been hugely helpful to some people. Great post, and thanks again for bringing this up :)