Opposite attract may not be the best thing
Hello, I'm new here. Learning to navigate this app. I joined for a few reasons. Mostly because I feel lonely and sometimes a bit teary eyed. I feel disconnected from my partner, we are almost opposites. I'm social and talkative, he is more quiet and reserve. He shows his love by "doing things" and I crave words. I've come to realize the interactions I crave don't cross his mind. When we discuss it, he'll make the attempt for a day or two and then it's gone. He's sliding into "old man" syndrome before my eyes and I have no clue how to accept this 60s life.
@Sweetdragonfly
Hello,
I can totally relate as i feel i waited my whole life waiting for kids to leave etc and now he is perfectly happy watching TV often over and over and doing nothing ... seems content to do all the same old person things dinner before 5 to miss crowds ..... not going anywhere that is crowded or whatever....
he acts like he is much older then he is and does nothing to make me feel important or connected. I will leave him and he will die on the couch watching a rerun of some crazy sitcom.
@toughTiger6481
Whether you meant to or not, you made me giggle. :) Mine would be found in front of his computer with some fantasy war game running.
I continue to keep trying, because life is too short to not try. Last weekend I invited him to go with me on an adventure and it went okish. The hour drive there was so quiet as well as the return drive, we just don't engage in conversation well. I try to take into consideration he does have some hearing loss that he claims is from scarring when he was younger and not treatable. But that's usually only when we are somewhere with background noise.
Anyway, thanks for the giggle.
@Sweetdragonfly
Ran across your thread here and just thought I would say hello. I'm dealing with a similar thing with my spouse, as she has always been passive aggressive introvert and in recent years, it seems to be getting worse. @toughTiger6481 has been one of my biggest fans in my threads... LOL! We're familiar with each other's stories of home life. Maybe some of us could get together and form a support group... LOL!
I've gotten a lot of help and support coming here to 7 Cups back in November. It's helped me to connect with others and it gives me a chance to unload my brain and vent some. I'm in a frustrating situation myself too. That's what this is all about... supporting one another. 😊
@Sweetdragonfly It takes effort and patience to navigate a relationship, and it sounds like you're making a brave step by reaching out for help and trying to find a solution to your feelings of loneliness. Communication is key in any relationship and it's important to have open and honest conversations about what you both need from each other.
@Sweetdragonfly
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with issues like this.
It seems many of us here have some similar experiences, so it can help to know you're not alone. My partner and I seem very compatible in many ways, but in some other ways we are quite the opposite. If you boil it down to one issue we have that's the exact opposite, I am an optimist and he is a pessimist. We just look at the world and every situation we encounter through a completely different perspective/lens. Sometimes it can feel insightful to get a different perspective, sometimes it just feels immensely frustrating. The good thing is that we are able to talk openly about our issues and that is really helpful.
Do you feel like you can approach him and just have a non-confrontational conversation? Like "I want to understand your viewpoint, and I want you to understand where I'm coming from." Is he open to that sort of discussion? And it sounds like you've maybe had a conversation about the different love languages. I think that can be really hard to try to connect when people have different love languages, but again, simply talking openly, listening openly, and trying to understand each other can go a long way.
...but only if both partners really want to make a difference.
I wish my ex-husband and I had really had a deep and meaningful conversation about love languages before we got married. We were not well matched there.
I commend you for trying to stay connected. I just hope he manages to put in a similar effort.
