Abandonment, medical issues, divorce and depressed.

That is a lot for anyone to go through and i can say medical issues especially big one often cause a rift in relationships.

The vows may say in sickness and in health but It is very hard to picture how bad sickness can be. Were there other issues or problems prior to your diagnosis?

how has your mental state been many i have known became angry and bitter and almost impossible to live with when facing a life changing illness...... that is not an excuse for anyone to leave but I think both parties need to adjust to the new items and when you cannot talk it through and share how you are feeling openly people may not understand how depression over your prognosis can seem like anger and bitterness.

@toughTiger6481
I did get angry, then depressed. I went to counseling 1 on 1. Tried to get her to go to marriage counseling, but she shot that down.

The medical issues have been on going for years and when I was finally diagnosed with what it was...spending close to 12k just in other doctors and tests to eliminate any other possible root causes of the vertigo and pain...we had financial issues. I was not getting paid. I had been out of work for over 2 years and fighting with employer to get medical retirement. I did get approved 2 months before her departure.

As far as marriage counseling....she left it every time we tried to do it.

@lsvt

I understand....... as i have a spouse that is that way too ..... i feel people shoot down counseling because they fear they will find out how much is their issue not their partners.

Sad to say there are more then people realize that do not want to stay when things get tough and their partner needs them the most......with a dire diagnosis some panic at the possibility of being a full time caregiver and as you noted often these situations often cause serious financial stress as well.

I’m just going through a break up we were not married but we lived together for 12 years. She was the same she wouldn’t go to therapy she believed all of our problems were mine and I agree she was afraid she would find out how wrong she was and all this while I find out my kidneys are shutting down

it's really hard

You should stick to your marital vows in sickness and health til death do you part. It’s her loss she was not good enough for you. Would you have done that to her? I’m guessing not. And now she’s teaching that to your kids.

We just had a local Veterinarian go through that with his back - doe to crushed vertebrae - he couldn’t even sit up on a chair - but they did something and now he’s able to function at least some.

Enjoy the holidays. I’m sorry but F your “family” they are not worth getting depressed over…

@lsvt

So sorry to hear about what you're going through. Do you have a senior center in your town? I'm thinking about having someone come and just visit with you so you're not a lone. I wouldn't give up totally on your kids. Once they get out from under your wife's control, I hope they will choose to see you. How horrible to come home to an empty house. Do you have any friends... don't isolate yourself.

sending (((hugs)))

I know that I am a month late, but I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now :c No one deserves to experience this and neither do you, I completely understand how painful this entire situation must be. It sounds like it is an extremely difficult time for you, which is so so valid considering what you have been through. Those thoughts and feelings are very reasonable! Your wife leaving you and taking your kids with her, sounds incredibly upsetting and it is only natural that you are experiencing such intense negative emotions afterwards. I totally get it- many other people have experienced the same thing as you are going through right now, and you are not alone whatsoever. It must be so hurtful that even after you reached out, you recieved no response and no one replied to your message. I truly apologise for this, and i know how painful it feels. You are not in control of their actions, and you are not to blame whatsoever for their reactions in such a way- it is not your fault at all. The fear of falling you have is perfectly normal considering what has happened previously, and no body is blaming you for feeling afraid of that. I know how scary it surely is, even typing it all out sounds stressful! Are there any therapists who you could see to discuss these issues with? If not in person, perhaps an online therapist? That is only if you are comfortable with doing such a thing, and of course you should only contact someone if that if what you would like to do. Wherever you would do that or not, you are always welcome here on 7 cups to share how you are feeling and what you are going through. We are here to listen and support you :) You are very important, worthy and deserving of it all !

I hope that you are feeling okay right now, even though it is very much okay if you are not! I am sending all of my best wishes and care towards you, and my thoughts that things will improve eventually. Time heals everything. Sending hugs 💗