help me with the why
My husband had an internet long distance affair many years ago. While I have tried to move past it, I just can't wrap my head around the why. He had always said I was the best person in his life, the only one who loved and supported him. But yet, when I was grieving the loss of my mother, he decided to start a relationship on line. The hard part is that he told someone intimate words like I love you to someone other than me. I take my marriage vows seriously and this felt like total betrayal. We are good now. My husband does acknowledge this is his biggest regret of his life, but I still don't understand why. Why did it happen in the first place? Can anyone shed light on this? Any ideas, comments, or opinions?
AG
@AgentGray003 Marriage is hard and it's especially hard when someone breaks that trust. I am so sorry to hear that your husband is guilty of emotionally infidelity and I can see why it would hurt you to the degree it does. I am happy though that you two are in a better place and have or are working through it. No one here will know why he did it what he did as people cheat for many reasons. To know why would be something you would have to ask him. I'm sorry it still pops up in the back of your mind having to relive something he did in the past. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out to an available listener. I empathize with you and I wish you healing and I hope that you both are able to truly forgive and let go of this and rebuild the trust. ♡
@AgentGray003
as the other poster said could be many many reasons and no one but him can pin point it.......articles and websites on the subject will say something like that connection was missing .......
I know we would all like to think we are everything to our person...................... but in reality we all have lives and sometimes when 1 is going through things they are focused on THAT ... and they really do not see that perhaps their partner needs something .....
People often think of things not involved because it can be simple...
example a friend had a long distance thing because he did not feel wanted or appreciated in his marriage .......... this person assured him of his attractiveness without nit picking everything.....
Marriage is hard. Betrayal can be heartbreaking. It can also be a tool for growth. I have been there too. I was cheated on and I was one that did the cheating in a different relationship. I'm in my fifties so I'm kinda old. I can't tell you why any of it happened. I was younger and not as caring of other's feelings. I can say I regret my behavior as far as hurting someone by cheating. I often have deep regrets that the situation ever happened because I now have no relationship at all with a totally great person.
@AgentGray003
So sorry for your difficulty and a breech of trust during a most vulnerable time. Grateful you both are doing well now.❤️ Keep the communication open.
I saw a Ted Talksby Ester Perel about infidelity & desire in long term relationships it was interesting ...I will link it here for you.
https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship/c
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
I'm a big fan on Esther Perel too. She has an entire book on that: The State of Affairs. It's complicated, but to sum it up, the needs of the other person's are often not satisfied and there is a breakdown in communication.
@LostTurtle2
Altruism in marriage is needed … fulfilling each others needs anticipating it and knowing those needs keeps both happier I do think. Communication is key we often get stuck in our routines. She has great books and interviews love her.
