Just A Thought…

@VintageLatika, that's a very good question.

As a teenager, I often felt a mix of guilt and frustration when my parents talked about their sacrifices. I understood their efforts but sometimes wished they wouldn’t remind me so often. Now, I do want my kids to appreciate what I’ve done, but I try to avoid putting too much pressure on them. I hope they see it through their own experiences and understanding rather than through constant reminders.

@VintageLatika, nice question. My mom still tells about it,sometimes I get fed up , and then

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@VintageLatika We have our expectations from kids for sure. But, I realise the appreciation from our kids will come when we give them a balanced upbringing, spending time with them, teaching them about life and preparing them for it. Having said this, I feel we should not burden them with our financial and other woes. It should be on a need to know basis (depending on their age and level of understanding of course).

I knew my dad worked hard and I knew it wasn't easy. The realisation comes perhaps when we start earning ourself. It's like you won't know how it is to drive a car from the passenger seat. You will know it only when you drive yourself! I hope this helps you.

@VintageLatika I think for the most part I feel guilty because they have done so much for me and yet I barely have enough survival skills. I would say I was sheltered to some extent though not pampered. My parents are strict but they try their best to give me comforts. I am 19 so I cannot say what I would want my kids to think of me. But before the appreciation of my kids in the future, I want to work to create better conditions for myself and my parents. I think I owe them this much. 

@VintageLatika

I didn’t have that experience as my dad died when I was seven (suicide) and my mom passed away from cancer when I was sixteen. She also wasn’t that type of mom to try to make me feel guilty about anything.

i don’t know if I expect my kids to be appreciative. Maybe a little. But I also realize that they are kids and teens and will understand the work and sacrifice that goes into having children when they have their own.

I think making sacrifices depends on the situation - they decided to have kids so they must have made that decision but then illness, death, unemployment, cost of living etc can get in the way of being the good parent you want to be. The problem I had with mine is that then, and even now, my mother had a sort of contract with us. If we wanted to be loved and cared for by her, we had to be certain types of children to fit into her perfect idea of a middle class family. We had our choices and decisions made for us and were restricted in as many ways people don't understand. We've spent a lot of time playing catch up when we came out from that 'perfect' world and had to learn to live in the real world.

It made me feel responsible in my career. It helped me in my achievements. My father never reminded me about his sacrifices or hard works but my mom often reminded and still reminds me of her struggles, sacrifices and hardships. Sometimes, at the moment she was explaining all these, I lose interest in listening to it anymore. But again, I give my self a moment and change my perspective towards that. After all, we the children are her dearest and closest people with whom she can open up her heart to.

But, not every child can take it the same way. I would instead try to teach my children to be empathic so that they understand by themselves, the hardships of their parents and use it in their lives for a good cause without getting inferiorities or feeling the life as burden.

@VintageLatika

would have been nice if my parents did any of that. Let’s just say it wasn’t a great upbringing.

that said, when I became I parent the toll it can take on you was realised and I understand the sacrifices in that respect. 

Also witnessed so many sacrifices my mum made without preaching about it, like spending her birthday money given to her for her on food for us. Getting loans she couldn’t pay back to buy presents for us and a dog we shouldn’t have where we lived at the time. She made £5 go further than anyone and she was so selfless. 

She never once had to say about her sacrifices, I see them. It’s why I love her despite the bad.

dad a different story, he sacrificed nothing and left more than mental scars.

a child being born is not their choice. You sacrifice, that sacrifice is yours, the kids don’t need that information as what’s the objective of informing them of your sacrifices?