I’m still stuck No where to go no one to be with
Sorry if too negative. What is the meaning of a life with no one in it? My kids are definitely not interested in chatting with me. One does it out of duty only. She’s introverted and prefers alone time, doing nothing l The other is suicidal herself. Neither of them want to participate in life. My ex husband is no role model and cares only of himself.
There is also a new rift between me and my siblings. My empty life clashes with theirs. Sister cut me out entirely. Brother has no real issues and plugging away into retirement without a care or worry….his wife is non stop planning and spending. It’s hard for me to participate and see them living full lives.
After 10 years divorced and still alone I see that I will not have anyone in my daily life. As an introvert and socially awkward, I rarely go out. I can’t get into my old hobbies like I did. I am realizing I was motivated by doing for others, and now there is no it’s like I have no purpose. I have tried reframing my expectations, to go on in life for myself. It’s not clicking. I don’t do anything. I’m not motivated to do anything. Ive lost spirit after working through life and lost everything I worked for.
I don’t see how it’s possible to start an entire new outlook at this point. So much history affecting me in depressing ways.
I am tired of saying I don’t know what to do to make myself better, or to live alone. What the *** kind of set up am I dealing with that i cannot get out of a rut after a decade?
@SparklySeas49
It happens to more people then we realize ...
I feel moms especially have lived for others did not seek hobbies or Passions for themselves... then when kids get older or our marriage does not last we are alone.... not knowing what to do.. when we get comfortable in our rut... we make do ...we do not climb out instead just make it our home.
how to get out differs but my feeling is it takes a bold action and being a bit selfish and that is OK ...it feel weird for us to do as we have always put others first.
@toughTiger6481 I agree, as women we often take on the care giver role. I actually had hobbies and passions i kept up too, played piano, crocheting, crafts, gardening. After my divorce the kids were teens and not interested in visiting me. My heart broke some. After multiple losses the grief took away joy i think. Dunno why I can’t pick up and carry on.
@SparklySeas49
It sounds like a sad picture of our entire existence:
We start our adult lives with plans and ambitions. Then we think...
That our education and professional career are everything.
That our own business and bank account are everything.
That our first marriage (presumed to be the only one and last forever) is everything.
That being a caring parent is everything.
That being a devoted grandparent is everything (though this option seems to be still less and less likely nowadays).
And then... End of story? Was it all?
I think it is not.
How do you think, what do you need: Meeting some new people, taking on new activities, or just to love someone and feel loved?
I believe life is not only about the targets, but as well about the landscapes, tastes or smells. About the birds chirping in the park. About the morning coffee with some good reading. About watching how the sun rises on an autumn day or being enchanted seeing the sky full of stars for the millionth time...
For me quite an important thing has been coming to a question "who am I?", or actually "who I was?" before all this began: my jobs, my relationships, becoming a parent, being responsible for other persons. What is the place I belong? What are the people there like?
Also, the lonely time has been an opportunity to me to see the movies I heard of for years, but never had a chance to watch, or to read books I had no idea they would ever exist.
I think one of the nicest ideas to meet some people and have a nice activity is volunteering. That does not require either any perfect look or any great income level, giving speeches, being someone important or buying any expensive things to be accepted as "member of the tribe". That's enough to be fairly human...
My dear, I think this must be very sad. I hope you can find the joy in life. I mean, the fulcrum of life – when was the last time you felt a sense of accomplishment? When was the last time you felt ‘doing this really makes me happy’? I think it's important to find the joy in life, and it's okay to just listen to music and watch TV. After that, you can try to make friends through your hobbies – even if they're just online friends. Try to make your life fulfilling, that's the meaning of your life.@SparklySeas49
@SparklySeas49 I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I think the holidays also make this feeling even more pronounced. I too am in a similar situation....recovering from brain surgery, divorced (ex hubby is living his best life now and not have to bother with my surgery recover), my son is grown (teen who is hardly seen)...I was in a, 18month long distance relationship with a guy I met online but he broke it off the day after my birthday earlier this month (after forgetting my birthday by the way, he decided he wants someone closer to home). Now I too am wondering, where does one fit in and find this connection that seemingly comes so natural to others. We don't set out to be alone, we give what we think is our best to people...people who then decide that they're happier without us around...and we have done nothing to provoke.
@SparklySeas49 With all do respect. You and I are from different paths and Im sorry if my advice doesnt help but the ony way anyone else can make you happy is if you do it frst. Do/ find what you love: painting, hiking, playing and instrument, wtv. Get in touch with religion/ spirituality. Meditation, and finding your inner peace. Approach all situations positively and try methods to deal with negative thoughts
To challenge with negative thought you must first ask the following:
Is this thought based on fact or feeling/assumption?
What evidence do you have to support this thought?
How is this thought affecting me emotions and behavior?
What are th long-term consequences of holding onto this thought?
How might someone else view this situation?
What would I say to a friend who had these thoughts?
Also practice th R.A.I.N method:
Recognize what is happening: The first step to healing is realizing something is wrong.
Allow experiences to be there, just as is: Nothing heals the past like time.
Investigate with interest and care: Ask "Why do I feel this way?" "I feel ___ but I know I am ___" "What can i do to feel better?"
Nurture with self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and focus on your self healing. Take a break from things that may distract you from getting better.
I hope these are helpful, and if they aren't, I'm so sorry! T^T
Thank you to everyone for sharing their views on this post , which I hold dearly as I can relate too, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone feeling this way. Ss a woman all I’ve ever done or I should say my aim in life was only and always to make my family looked after, my kids, my mum, my husband, in laws and brother even to an extent… then after putting everyone first there’s no energy left to look after myself. And sometimes I’m left feeling what the point in life is. When all you do, often is misunderstood as you keep quiet to keep the peace. Or you’re still criticised when all you have done is look after others. That there’s nothing left for myself… Then again there’s the saying, you keep quiet to keep the leave but start a war inside of you. And that’s so true.
Yet, I. A foresee my future being in a similar story ending. Once the kids have grown up, I’ll get a divorce, and have lost an entire career by being a housewife to support my family and will likely be lost in life. But that’s my choice. I’d rather get a divorce than have to oblige to living the rest of my life when I’m fighting a war inside of me.
Also, despite my sacrifices, nobody understands, not even my brother or mum… sometimes I feel so lonely in life.
Also, does anyone else feel like life is a test and knows our weak spots and so deliberately thows a curve ball in our direction at that specific situation we would struggle with? … I really sometimes feel that way 😣😣
@SparklySeas49
Your comment expresses deep feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and a struggle to find meaning and motivation in life.
