I am getting older, and so are my parents
I wonder if we could start a conversation about aging parents. I am an aging parent (lol) but my parents are quite a bit older, both alive, in their early 80s. They each have a partner and live independently with their respective partners. Sometimes I'm not really sure what role I play in their lives. Or what role I *should* play in their lives.
I am an only child, so no siblings to help deal with issues involving aging.
I have talked with them both about estate planning, getting documents in order, etc. Like, please don't wait until you really need this stuff to make sure it's all correct and updated. They both say 'Yeah, okay, I'll do it, thanks for the reminder..." and then they don't do anything.
My dad was almost whisked away to the emergency room with life-threatening high blood pressure yesterday, and the whole while he's saying "I'm fine! Leave me alone!" (I wasn't there, he was at a routine Dr. appointment). I think he's in serious denial about his health and he doesn't want to do anything to improve it. He has pills he's supposed to take for the high BP but it turns out he hasn't been taking them for months!
In some ways, I just want to let them peacefully live their own lives and make their own decisions. But sometimes I am pretty concerned about the decisions they make for themselves. Is that my business to butt in and say something? Or just let them live their own lives? I dread the day that I think someone shouldn't be living on their own anymore.
Does anyone have any personal stories you're willing to share about dealing with aging parents? Anything goes, just looking for stories of what other people have done, successes, regrets, anything.
Thanks!
@GoingInCircles365
It's a tough time navigating parents and health issues. My mother and I were very close, but she still did not give me full disclosure during her cancer treatments and did not make any final plans. She literally wanted to make a will while in hospice, she never got the chance, it was too late.
Fortunately I was also close with my stepfather and I was able to get him to get to an attorney to get his will set up. I'm not proud to say I literally had to tell him, if he did not get it set up then the government is going to get a chunk of their hard earned retirement funds. As for the health end I would visit him when I knew he had a doctor's appointment and go with him (I asked the staff to provide him with the form to sign to be able to talk to me when I was there) I had to get creative. I lived 5 hours away and my sister 3 hours away. We kept alternating visits. In the end we were able to process the estate rather smoothly due to all the preparations we guided him through in the 8 years after mom passed.
My father and his wife fortunately did not need the hand holding and have their wills in order. They're both doing well, he's in his mid 80s and she's in her early 70s.
I'm not sure if any of this helps. I had to think outside the box. And alot of patience and many conversations.
This is increasingly on my mind as well. My parents are still alive and married, both age 77, and living in their own home, but each time I see them, I see more signs of what is to come. Now both are using a cane to walk, especially in winter as we have had a lot of snow and therefore ice. The walk slower, more precariously, and struggle to stand up due to joint pain. Fortunately, I have been successful in getting us all to sit down with a lawyer family friend to make sure all the documents are in order for when the inevitable happens.
I had had thoughts of selling my own home and moving to be closer to them (an hour by car) but then the pandemic hit, and trying to make ends meet throughout that time took all my attention. And then about 18 months ago I met someone I am interested in and am not as interested in moving, since it would mean leaving that person. So I am even more stuck than I was. 😒
So, for whatever it's worth, I understand where you are coming from.
@InquireWithin
Thanks for your reply and for sharing your story. Agreed, there really are no "easy" decisions. We have to live our own lives and do what makes sense to us, each as individuals. I hope your parents are able to live independently for many years to come, and that you get to enjoy your relationship :)