Being alone, but have times im unable to cope with

I’ve been working through a flu or something… you know when your body gives out… with cough so bad my muscles hurt in back. Been dealing for a week with meds, and tons of tissues, and making up meals.  

I already deal with chronic health limitations, so every cold wreaks such havoc… until I can’t cope.  This has been a pattern, and it’s beyond tiresome… I break down from confusion how to proceed.  

It’s a years long history now, and family has been a double edged sword, has broken my heart so I avoid them.  I have even tried hiring elder support care…but issues there. 

Tonight I can’t sleep, again.  Weeks have been going poorly since cr@ppy holidays.  Then I get the flu. 

I can’t always cope. Were told we should be able to be alone.  Well over and over I get into these trying times, that I just cannot cope.  I have sought help all around, … humans are flawed, misunderstandings, … so I am still dealing on my own… and yet I still can’t cope.  So another crisis.  On my own.  It’s unbearable.  I don’t understand how to do this, I don’t understand the plan, or approach.  I’ve heard a lot of uplifting sayings, alternative thoughts to life, expectations… yet I still cannot find a good place.  On my own is not a good plan.