Need Advice from Seasoned Parents
Is there a second round of "I'm not telling you what I'm doing in my life" that happens in their 20s/college years? I've survived the teenage years but recently I feel like I'm going through a second round if it where I only get fragments of information. I don't need to know his whole life - he's an adult, but when he comes home for the holidays and he's headed out and I say "where are you headed?" and I get vague "out all day with friends" sentences.... it's just a little irritating and I'm trying to navigate my own feelings about it because I know it's none of my business. I'm just looking for general data, and I feel like he thinks I'm inquiring into his every move.
@thoughtfulmomma hugs you tightly ❤ your a great mum, kids are unpredictable. But in the end your the one he will come too, the one he loves most ❤ just hang on in there till the day he becomes your very close friend ❤❤🙂 your doing great ❤
@thoughtfulmomma
It never ends ... I find having adult kids is sometimes harder then when they were little. We will always want to know what they are doing .......where they are going....... and offer advice even when not asked sometimes.
The fragmented details is often the way one of my grown kids does when he really thinks I may not agree with some decisions. I have learned to stop myself short of saying the things because as you have said it is not my business.
We have to trust we gave them guidance and lessons when young they can avoid pitfalls or recover from mistakes. I think back to when my mom often butted in when I was a young adult and understand that better now.
I keep hoping it gets easier. 🙂. I think the difficult thing for me is when I’m “confronted “ with an issue and get no info. For example, if I see my son is upset and ask what’s wrong, I get “nothing.” Okay, you’re an adult and you need to handle it yourself, but why are you bringing it to my doorstep, making me worry and then not saying anything.
If you want to talk to me, talk to me.
it’s hard being a mom!
@thoughtfulmomma Hello. I'm not a parent, but I'm an adult child of my parents and attend university. I want to tell you that it is your business. Just because your child is an adult now, it does not mean that your responsibilities as a parent and the bond you share, of trust, of deep care, doesn't exist anymore, right? You will always be his mom no matter how grown up he is. Your worries, your need for transparency are valid! I grew up with rather strict and protective parents that needed to keep a close eye on everything that I did, and they still do. And I deeply appreciate how much they care about me. Perhaps it is a cultural difference, and I understand that you don't want to make him feel like you are being controlling or prying into every detail of his life and restricting him from his freedom as an adult, and that is a trait of a great mother who respects her son's independence. I suggest that you have a gentle talk with him, let him know how you are feeling. Communicate that the feeling of distance weighs down on you and that you care about him. Or, next time he gives you fragmented information, you can ask him for more details and then reassure him that you just want to know because you care about him and instill your rights as a mother, and that this isn't about you being controlling but rather, showing genuine, rightful concern as a parent. And there should be a bond of friendship between you! If he seems upset about something, and he doesn't tell you what the matter is at first, you can ask him again gently, and tell him that you are there for him and encourage him to confide in you and say that you won't judge. You want to make him trust you and warm up to you, so it's worth staying a little longer, but if he is adamant about not sharing whatever it is then it is better to stop asking and allow him his space, and let him know you'll be there if he changes his mind.
You've got this.
