Loneliness: how do we cope with it?
Hello everyone!
I am here to talk with you about something we all may have experienced: Loneliness.
How do we cope with it? How can we approach it? Let's see it together and feel free to share your story and your vision about it.
The sense of loneliness scares us. The age in which we live, moreover, automatically associates solitude with isolation: being alone has become synonymous with defeat and depression. Often even psychology treats loneliness as a problem, yet we are all perfectly aware that love, children, work, certainties, the things we possess are not stable, everything is in flux. Here then you end up experiencing the events always with a background fear.
But being alone does not mean that we miss something, on the contrary it means being complete. About what? Of the fullness that is in us, which, if perceived, will give us a state of calm and tranquility that makes us live well. But this well-being is not achieved through solitude understood as "being alone with one's own thoughts", rather it is precisely their excessive presence that prevents us from reaching that contemplative state that our brain needs.
How to overcome loneliness? By accepting it
To accept means to stop fighting against the sensations you feel
It is necessary to observe, wait and, above all, be present. We are often too little present to the emotions and that is why everything becomes difficult. Instead we need to be present in the sense of solitude when it arrives, in melancholy when it appears. Why? To turn our gaze on the inside, without thinking or judging it.
How much impacting is the sense of loneliness in your life?
As we approach the holidays, what are you considering that could help you cope with the loneliness?
What has been your approach to loneliness till now and are you considering to change or improve your way to cope with it?
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Loneliness to me is depressing. I am lonely now and depressed. I don
@Sumar2 I agree that loneliness can be difficult to overcome. Feeling low is also hard at times. I am glad you have 7 Cups and hope that it helps
It is depressing for sure. Especially around holidays and Valentines Day around the corner. If I go outside to take a walk or something I always see people together and that makes it harder. Do you have family or close friends nearby you can take a walk with , see a movie. Etc?@Sumar2
@straightforwardScarf9575
Hello to you!
I understand that it may be uncomfortable to feel lonely.
Talking to others who may share your feelings (either via the internet or in real life) can help you to feel less alone in your situation, why do you feel like you'd be a burden for them?
@BeyondTheInvisible
i always felt like a burden because everyone else has their own lives and their own problems
everyone seems so busy so why put more problems in their own lap
plus I always hated feeling like the 3 rd wheel going out
I go through stages of loneliness. To me it feels like when there is nothing important for me to do. On the other hand, I would prefer not to have the stress of things that are too important. Balance is where I strive for, but it is very difficult to stay there.
I wish I had people in my life that were nearby. Everyone that I care about is scattered all over the country. I talk to them often, but it isn't the same as having people in your presence. I guess I should feel good that I do have these individuals, but because of the proximity, I am alone often.
@rockym
I completely get what you're saying. It is like so blessed but.....lonely. I hope you are feeling better. Know that you are not alone. 
@95969
Thanks for the reply. I am still trying to navigate this website. I tried the chat, but it felt strange. I'm a 55 year old women who has been through so much in my life and there I was chatting with an 18 year old. I was kind, but how can there be much of a connection in that instance?
I am going through a period of feeling lost. This seems to happen after something extreme has happened in my life. I try to just tell myself each day will be new and something interesting can happen at any moment. The problem is that although I know this is the ups and downs of life, I am somewhat frustrated with these feelings.
I am also trying to not take it out on my family. When I feel this way, I want control of my situation and that becomes me falling back on my wanting everything in order. I have always been this way, but I repress those feelings as I don't want to force my kids (17 and 21) to do everything my way. I also am trying to not disrupt my marriage with this either. So, I am holding in things I would like to say. I am trying not to push people to do things just because it's what I would like. For example, my son lives at college nearby. I helped him bring up some groceries to his apartment. Instead of focusing on the clothes on the floor or the disorder, I told him that the place looked pretty good. I also mentioned that he was keeping it up better then years past. Small fibs, but it made for a happier moment.
@rockym @95969 @straightforwardScarf9575
Hello you all!
I've discussed with @soulsings about how loneliness may impact on our 50+ buddies, because a thread is never something done randomly but always because we think about people and their struggles, so here I am to share with you what Soul shared about it! They allowed me to quote them so I hope that their words may make you feel that you are heard and not alone!
" Holidays/celebrations are difficult because they remind us of holidays we experienced in the past. Changes can happen that make holidays/celebrations feel painful with all the losses we endure during our lives. Sometimes we just need to ignore holidays or celebrate them in new ways."
I am not doing much about that right now. I don't know if I'm doing anything but trying to have feelings. I have been in healthcare ( emergency mostly ) and miss the commarodity. Miss my sense of community ( lost that too ). I know that I need to volunteer in my new real time community. I would feel better and give my new community a chance to become my community. Just so numb and do not want to leave the house. So odd to me that for the last 6 months I have been going 18 hours a day trying to make my new house a home. After Christmas I got the flu and a dose of reality. Now I can barely shower. One day all I do is cry. The next, I just block all the emotions from the fire and am left with with dark , foreboding emptiness.
@95969 sorry you are so traumatized by this situation. I cannot imagine going through all this. You must really be suffering.
I find these self help guides have helped me through some of my own challenges. https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php
@soulsings
Thank you!!
@soulsings Wow. These are really helpful. Wish I knew about them sooner! Thanks. ( sorry to butt in).
I understand the loneliness, but I try to do at least one thing for myself each day. I will walk in my neighborhood, go window shopping, get a message or a pedicure. Each of these things gets me out of the house and enables me to talk to others. If I am lucky, I will run across someone who I can chat with and that seems to lift my spirits.
Sometimes I feel like if I listen closely, there is a message for me and the other day someone told me I had said just what they needed to hear that day. I have no idea what that may have been exactly, but the fact they shared had my spirits lifted.
@rockym oh yes doing something every day gives a sense of purpose and direction
Wow that must have been a great moment to hear something you said helped someone else.
I have no idea. I wonder when I will ever be able to sleep. When will I start to breathe. When will I begin to grieve my brother. When will I not use the word " after " in every solitary sentence. When.......
Loneliness has such a hold.
As much mindfulness as I try....will it ever set me free......When
@95969 grief is a deep seated event that everyone deals with in different ways. We cannot know where we will be years from now but whenever we find ourselves lost in the past or the imagined future we can bring ourselves back to our breath or what we hear, smell, sense or taste. These can be our anchors or grounding.
Mindfulness is a way to live our lives. Why? For me it is because it feels more centered on what actuallyi is rather than trying to change the past or anticipate the future.
@soulsings
I am so grateful for all the links you have shared on mindfulness. I need to practice it much more!!! Thank you 
Loneliness can be a big impact on one's life. Because for me it can add to my depression and anxiety. I try to surround myself with positive people. People I know that I cant trust. Learning to accept that sometimes you need to stand on your own. But that doesn't mean I am alone. There are times when you just have to face your fears to be strong enough. :)
I have googled it to the cows come home. Sorry off topic but anyone have tips for communicating with their significant other? Tried the , never use I etc..
Thank you .
@95969 have you tried talking about common ground like a child you have or a pet or an activity that you both share like nature trips?
@95969
Hi. Rather than go off topic here, at 7Cups you can always search for answers to any question you have at this webpage to see if others already asked similar questions and see if any answers were alredy given: https://www.7cups.com/qa/
Then if no search results match what you are looking for, you can "Ask Your New Question". It will be reviewed first before published on the forum. Then others might give answers over time.
I will private msg you some answers/resources I already happen to have.
I have no one so it's not like I cope with it by being around people or something like that. For me It's so hard, It's been years I don't have a friend. Been years I don't have someone I can bee confident, have deep talks, laugh, pass the time. I do have one friend, wich I still appreciate her but It's not enough. I feel like I can't make any friends anymore. It's been such a long time, since I don't feel welcomed in that way with someone, I just can't even be confident with someone, I'm painfully shy and awkard and my behaviour is like a first starter with anyone. It pains me to see people together outside. I don't think I can be lovable and no one would like my way of being.
Please share this with everyone 
who needs it. Start ending loneliness. 
A good first step to break out of feeling lonely is . . .
Take back your power to make things happen!. . .
Reach out and find new friends in real life, as explained in 3 podcasts below.
It starts out silly about using a spreadsheet,
but gets very interesting and covers "How to have find and have keep friendships".
Lots of great ideas, suggestions, and insights are provided that are proven to work.
Click on the [Minute Listen] blue bar on the web pages.
Podcast - Accept The Awkwardness: How To Make Friends and keep them
https://www.npr.org/2019/08/15/751479810/make-new-friends-and-keep-the-old
Podcast - When Friendships Change, How To Cope 
https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412010/when-friendship-changes-how-to-cope
Podcast - Men Can Have Better Friendships. Here's How
https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412752/men-can-have-better-friendships-heres-how
