Coddled teen seeking independence advice

@somebodynew721. Hi if you don’t have a car there are ways to visit your friends or go places on your own such as bus, train, and ride share companies. Uber didn’t exist when I was young but I used to get around by bicycle in addition to train and bus. It helped me with feelings of independence. Best of luck to you.

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"I want to learn both. I want to learn how to be independent and deal with my own problems instead of needing my hand held through life. I need to learn how to accept my failures and make decisions.

i found your post amusing and think you are showing you can seek out ideas on your own which shows independence.

The stereotype of childhood ..while it happened was not everyone's experience ..... yes we had a group of kids withing walking distance spent long days outside but never with as much freedom as you would think .......always someone in neighborhood watching out ..... the retired couple down the street the stay at home mom etc....parents all talked and the few who did not those kids often ended up making poor choices.

Kids made good or really bad choices based on values from home not street smarts....I grew up in that time but i could have ended up like many kids these days .....my MOM wanted control

As some parents under the mistaken belief want to control or "help" all the time and kids do not know how to do things for themselves...... correcting it happened by my hanging around fiercely independent teens and young adults ( i was 17 -18)......... who had no one to smooth things over.

In many ways this generation has tons of information at your fingertips..... we did not, had to call people or go to library, yet kids when faced with obstacles call MOM or DAD to bail them out or whatever. Kids that needed to deal with their own situations and not have a parent swoop in are ready for things to happen excel, They are aware how life works and while parents can give advice when it becomes" do exactly as i say or i will do it for you" this is crippling for child to NOT learn to deal with failures and roadblocks...... IMO.

i actually work with a Grown man who at 35 had his first car accident, and before calling his Wife called his mommy to know what to do with insurance / towing the car etc.....

WHY because the coddling NEVER ended............I was floored as he told us all at work like it was a normal thing ......his mom was making all the calls to insurance and will pay for towing etc.........

These folks will have a huge problem as their parents age or pass and can not pay for things or smooth things over. This happens in every generation unfortunately.......

It is IMO ...... a mind frame not how you grew up .....

I encouraged my kids to make take care of issues while i watched from a distance ....not jumping in to fix. or pay for this or that ..... to learn what to do in any situation and items connected they may not see coming............ be aware of things that seem to good to be true etc.

I raised 2 fiercely independent people.

@somebodynew721

Hi <3

I read your post and your comments and found them to be sweet and intriguing because I felt the same way when I was in my mid-twenties. I struggled with depression for a long time (still do sometimes) because I felt that I was not independent enough.

Honestly, I can't speak to your experience but I can share some of my stories and practical tips.

Practical tips when you leave home:
-Laundry
-Cooking (feeding yourself with what you like and can afford)
-Having the financial ability to pay for things like rent, utilities (heat and water), food, transportation.

These are all adult things that people worry about. Also, I know it seems very far away but even thinking about things like retirement haha. I know, it sounds ridiculous when we're still so young but "retirement" is another way to say, money saved. Money that comes in handy when you have unexpected medical bills, a flat tire, or you want to buy that luxury type of cheese. (Dairy is expensive in Canada).

Honestly for me, I was emotionally independent by the time I was 12 but I wasn't financially independent until I was 25. It sounds weird but I was physically and emotionally abused and it stunted my growth. If I were to tell my younger self something, it would be that finances are a big part of gaining your independence. To move far away (like I wanted to), requires money and a job.

You said you're approaching adulthood and I think the best advice I would have given myself at that time is to focus on getting into a good college and getting scholarships that will help you gain independence. If you're not considering school, I would highly recommend thinking about what kind of job you want and how much it pays. Whether it will be enough to live off to where you think you want to live... Luckily for you, as a baby in the 2000s, there are SO many online resources to help you research rent prices, food prices, etc for the places you want to live.

Back when I was a kid, we had limited internet and google wasn't as good as it is today. I mean, I grew up with a flip phone and discmans. LOL.

So honestly, I think you're taking steps in the right direction. If you feel that you're parents are coddling you, it's probably because they want to protect you for the harsh world out there. Especially now a days, it can seem like the world is big and scary. It probably seems that way because the news and social media are way more prevalent than they were before. However, just remember that street smarts will take you a long way.

Coming from a person who had to develop smart smarts the hard way, practical things include: being aware of your surroundings, walk around in places where there are street lights (after dark), and try and find an apartment/place to live in a less sketchy neighborhood. Life shouldn't be scary but make sure you are always a little bit skeptical when you meet someone who offers you something for free.

Best of luck you!