Why does my parent get mad at me when I want to sit down and rest
Why does my mom get upset at me when I don’t feel like going anywhere and then she tries saying “she’s gonna regret not going anywhere with me when she’s older”. When I go with her to places and stuff. But when I want to be on my phone and stuff like that or just stay in my room, she gets upset with me and wants to tell my grandma that something is wrong with me and then tells my grandma that she’s “worried” about me but yells at me about it.
I always put them first over myself and do things for myself later and always do stuff for others first. But when I want to use my phone or play my game etc she will get mad and say “that’s all you do” etc and stuff like that. When I hep around the house and everything because I know if I didn’t, I would get yelled at.
Not so long ago I said that I didn’t want to go to the store with her to look for a Christmas tree etc. Christmas doesn’t feel the same anymore, I haven’t been in the Christmas mood or whatever. It’s just different this year. I’m not excited for it either. But I haven’t told anybody I’m not excited for it because keep it to myself yk. She got upset with me just now not so long ago and was gonna force me to go with her to the store to look for Christmas trees because I’m not “grown” to stay in the house?
I can never say that I’m tired or else she’ll say that I haven’t did anything to be tired so I just keep it to myself. I don’t even voice my opinion because I feel like I have zero control so I just help others even if I feel like I’m about to pass out.
And I can’t say that I’m sad or feeling depressed because she will say that “I have no reason to be depressed”
I'm sorry that's happening, it sounds like she doesn't understand what's going on even when it seems you've explained it very clearly. I think I understand though, sometimes doing nothing is exhausting. Hopefully you can rest, and get the support you want <3
@strwberryhearts hello.Sorry you are going through all these. But please remember you should always put yourself before others. I know that might sound like a bit selfish, but in the end who is going to be happy if you aren't? Maybe your mum is more of an extrovert person and feels accomplished only by going out, so she feels like you are like this too. Or maybe she feels like you have no reason to be sad if you appear to be happy all the time.
Sorry for the rumbling, its just I always did this with my friends. Putting what they feel before me, I mean. After a while it gets pretty exhausting and emotionally draining.
Please keep in mind I am not an expertise, so always judge by yourself first!
Best luck and hope you can get better!
@AuroraMiliel Hi, thank you for replying it means a lot :”) And yeah but that’s very hard to do because if I do, she’ll say I’m selfish etc or say that I don’t help her around the house stuff like that when I do help.
And yes I appear to be happy all the time because if I don’t, she’ll get mad at me that I’m staying in my room all the time or not talking etc or if I say I’m sad. So the only way is to hide how I actually feel lol.
And it’s okay no worries! 🤧 Yeah that’s true :( it gets really draining.
Thank you so much.
@strwberryhearts I am very sorry to hear that.
I really am.
I hope things get better for you.
@strwberryhearts It's important for you to have control over your own life and to be able to express your own feelings and opinions. It's not healthy for you to always put others' needs before your own, and it's not fair for your mom to force you to do things you don't want to do. It's okay to be tired or not in the mood for certain activities, and it's important for you to communicate your feelings to your mom in a calm and respectful way. It's also important for you to take care of your own mental health, which may include seeking help if you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed.
Hey, sorry this is happening to you. Remember to always put yourself first and voice things that you don’t like. Hopefully your situation gets better.
@strwberryhearts
Not to be weird but um. Are you asking here because you want the wisdom of older folks but are young yourself? Or are you 35+ and struggling with this?
Like, the answer is the same either way. Your mom doesn't respect you. She likes power tripping and pushing you around and making you feel inferior because that's just the kind of person she is. If you are 35+, you should know her tune by now, I doubt this is new behavior. Not to be a broken record on this site, but the only way to deal with parents who are jerks is to get money and resources as a buffer between you and their bad behavior. If you're over 18, r/beermoney and r/workonline on Reddit have some good resources for how to earn money remotely.
More fundamentally, if it's safe to do so, you can try standing up to her and enforcing boundaries with her. She pushes you around because of some combination of "she's the kind of person who enjoys that," "you let her do it with no consequences or accountability," and "you don't have the power to stop her." Since you can't change her nature, the only change possible is either getting power to stop her, or using the power you do have and putting your foot down with her. She will respect you when she has no choice but to respect you. People like that don't give you respect out of the goodness of their hearts.
You also need to stop worrying about what she says and letting it get to you. You have no reason to be that tired, or you're not really depressed, whatever. More unhelpful words from someone who's been spewing unhelpful words at you for how long, now? Tune it out. What she thinks doesn't matter. If all she needs to do to win is have a hurtful opinion, she will win every single time. Don't make it so easy for her.
I'm sorry. It sounds like your mom is on a different wavelength than you. Reminds me of and my mom. I think for some parents they forget what it's like to be a kid. Just because kids don't have responsibilities like grown-ups, doesn't mean that they don't have stressors or get depressed too.
My mom used to use me for her entertainment instead of finding friends of her own. She complained that I didn't wanna hang out with her. She was just so needy. Yet...I miss her. She's in a nursing home and thinks I'm dead. At least that was the last meetings delusion.
I don't even try to get her to understand my point of view because it's been a waste of time. Only hers matter. Just live your best life and try to get along. That's all you can do 🙂
