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strwberryhearts
1,111 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 38 Compassion hearts259 Forum posts124 Forum upvotes222 Current upvotes222 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 22, 2022
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Germaphobia - Am I overreacting?
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 September 9th
...See more Hello, it’s been so long since I’ve used this app, alot has happened since then. Just wanted to come back here to talk and feel a little less alone. I don’t even know whether to call myself a germaphobe or not because nobody understands me. My mom will look at me weird if I refuse to do something that requires touching someone else’s stuff. I don’t touch doorknobs, don’t touch light switches, don’t hug or get close to anyone anymore/ including my family, I don’t eat anyone’s cooking or get food from restaurants/fast food places anymore, I always want distance between me and the other person I’m talking to if we are in the same room. I don’t let people touch me. My germaphobia has gotten worse than it was years back and since covid. I am obsessed with keeping things neat and clean. I don’t like it when people help me do stuff especially if it involves them touching my stuff because my mind will scream at me until I eliminate their germs with hand sanitizer. If I don’t eliminate the germs, I just know the germs will spread to everything in my room. A few days back, my mom’s boyfriend put back up my fire alarm for me and I thought about that alarm for 2 days straight… I was thinking about how someone else touched it and how there are germs on it and they are probably spreading around my entire room. I thought about it for 2 days straight. The only reason I didn’t eliminate the germs in time was because I can’t reach the fire alarm/don’t want to trigger it to going off if I try to wipe it with hand sanitizer. I don’t like it when people touch my doorknob to my room, I don’t share stuff anymore (combs, lotion etc) if I do, I’ll just end up letting them keep it because they touched it. Germaphobia has ruined my life for the better and for the worst. I will never be able to be in a relationship, have friends again and be able to do stuff with them or be able to have a quiet mind. Also when someone is sick/mentions they’re sick, I always end up panicking and thinking that I’m gonna get sick just by standing by them for 3 seconds and then I end up taking Tylenol and Benadryl just in case. I also get my humidifier too. I wear my mask always and take my hand sanitizer with me wherever I go. I sometimes wear long sleeves if I have to open a door out in public. I never shop with a shopping cart (I always carry my groceries around the store). I avoid aisles that people are on and always walk the long way (I go down aisles where nobody is) even if I was getting something from the other one. I immediately shower when I get home and scrub my body very aggressively. My mom gets mad at me sometimes and calls me weird/says it drives her crazy. Then when I tell her about health she always says that I’ll be the main one to get sick because I wear a mask and worry about staying safe too much? :( I don’t go out anywhere. I also don’t sit on the toilet seat to use the bathroom/I always put alot of tissue down before I sit and I sit on the edge. I also never walk barefoot on the floor at home no matter what. I also change my clothes from when I go to the kitchen and from when I get back into my room. For example, I have a pair of clothes to wear for when I go to the kitchen and after I make it back to my room, I will immediately change into the other clean clothes but that are only for my room and then I’m allowed to lay in my bed.
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Feeling down. Need some support.
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 July 30th, 2023
...See more Hello, these past few days I have been crying and just feeling sad. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am a 18 year old currently getting ready for college but I’ve been feeling anxious. I didn’t go to high school in public school. I went online. I’ve been in online school for basically my whole life because I don’t like being in public. Also, the school I am going to was recommended by my mom and I didn’t wanna actually go to that school but she told me to start out there first so I just agreed because I’m a people pleaser. The school I actually want to go to has a track team what I’ve always wanted to do ever since I was little but she never found a track team for me. I feel like my whole life I’ve haven’t been living for myself but for my mom and just to please her. I feel so miserable and sad everyday. The only time I am happy is when I watch movies/ shows, and just be in the fictional world and by myself. It’s my only source of happiness. Other than that, I just feel empty inside. Then yesterday, said that I need to start doing things that make me happy and not for others, but if I do stop being a people pleaser, she will call me selfish. ??? Then I told her that I was sad and she wanted to start comparing like who was sadder more etc when she know that she wasn’t even crying. then when I told her that I had been crying, she said “I was crying too, I was sad too” like I know people can feel the same way but nobody gets it. She is one of those parents who thinks they are the only one who can be sad. She literally said it herself. She said: “I don’t know why you are sad, you don’t have nothing to be sad about, you don’t have car bill, light bills, and bills to pay, the only person who should be sad is me”.
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I haven’t slept for a week.
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 January 16th, 2023
...See more Goodmorning, I haven’t slept for a whole week now at the time I’m supposed to be sleeping. I am convinced that I have insomnia. My mind has been going from one thing to another like it’s not calm. Is it stress? I tried going to sleep earlier around 2 am going on 3 o clock but I couldn’t so I stayed up again. I don’t know what to do and how to stop this. It’s currently 6 am right now. Yesterday I stayed up until 3 PM and kept going back to sleep between the times. I am exhausted but I can’t seem to fall asleep, my mind thinks about other stuff and not focused on resting. This affects my head really bad which makes it feel tight if I even think about something stressful it will get tensed up. This has been going on for about 2 years now. I’ve told my mom about it but she doesn’t think anything of it. I have to calm myself down or else it will get tensed up again. I’ve been sleeping in the day time but not at night. Meaning I sleep when I’m not supposed to be sleeping because I have schoolwork to do but I catch up on it at night. It’s a repeated cycle. I’m so exhausted.
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Feeling disconnected lately
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 December 25th, 2022
...See more These past few days I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately and it’s starting to bother me deep down. I don’t know if it’s because of the holiday’s or what. It just feels like something isn’t right but I don’t know what it is…. Has anyone ever felt this way before? I’ve been distracting myself from even feeling emotions too as well by playing games on my phone all day, deleted social media apps and stuff like that. But not so long ago the feeling of realization hit me and I just feel weird. It’s like a sad and disconnected from everything feeling but I don’t know why. Hopefully this feeling goes away after Christmas is over with because the holidays are the worst now.
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Why does my parent get mad at me when I want to sit down and rest
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 December 15th, 2022
...See more Why does my mom get upset at me when I don’t feel like going anywhere and then she tries saying “she’s gonna regret not going anywhere with me when she’s older”. When I go with her to places and stuff. But when I want to be on my phone and stuff like that or just stay in my room, she gets upset with me and wants to tell my grandma that something is wrong with me and then tells my grandma that she’s “worried” about me but yells at me about it. I always put them first over myself and do things for myself later and always do stuff for others first. But when I want to use my phone or play my game etc she will get mad and say “that’s all you do” etc and stuff like that. When I hep around the house and everything because I know if I didn’t, I would get yelled at. Not so long ago I said that I didn’t want to go to the store with her to look for a Christmas tree etc. Christmas doesn’t feel the same anymore, I haven’t been in the Christmas mood or whatever. It’s just different this year. I’m not excited for it either. But I haven’t told anybody I’m not excited for it because keep it to myself yk. She got upset with me just now not so long ago and was gonna force me to go with her to the store to look for Christmas trees because I’m not “grown” to stay in the house? I can never say that I’m tired or else she’ll say that I haven’t did anything to be tired so I just keep it to myself. I don’t even voice my opinion because I feel like I have zero control so I just help others even if I feel like I’m about to pass out. And I can’t say that I’m sad or feeling depressed because she will say that “I have no reason to be depressed”
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I need to vent
35 & Over Community / by strwberryhearts
Last post
 December 15th, 2022
...See more Hello, I am making this post because I am confused about a few things these past years. One of the questions is why does my Mother get upset with me when I am not talking, sleeping all day, and not coming out of my room or having no motivation to do anything or if I don’t literally work like a maniac around the house helping out and not having any time for myself but she calls it lazy when in reality I don’t feel like trying anymore. Years ago, I wrote on a piece of paper telling her that I was depressed because I didn’t wanna say it out loud, she said that I’m not depressed and don’t have no reasons to be depressed but long time ago I told her that I was depressed but she just brushed it off/ didn’t even talk to me about it, my grandma did. I’ve become so confused that I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I’ve felt like this for years now. Lately I’ve been staying up all night and sleeping all day and distracting myself with no breaks. Today she got upset about that and called my grandma as always to tell her that I was sleep. Then what triggers me the most is how she tells my grandma that it “bothers her” that I sleep all day and barely come out of my room etc. If it bothers her, wouldn’t she try talking to me, asking me what’s wrong or something instead of getting angry with me just because I’m feeling this way? Why is she even getting mad? It’s not like it’s her problems. Tbh my family doesn’t care for their kids mental health. They always will be in denial or blame it on the “Devil” when it’s nothing like that. So I don’t understand why she is so upset with me when I feel sad and stuff then she turns around and starts crying to my grandma trying to make me feel even worse like it’s her problems when it’s not. Does she ever wonder why I fake how I’m actually feeling? Because she’ll get mad at me if I say I’m sad. So I just pretend. Then my grandma calls me and tells me to go comfort her but nobody is there to comfort me. Like huh? So she starts crying about me sleeping all day and stuff like that/ not talking/ feeling sad and she needs comfort from everyone but when it comes to me needing comfort from her, she treats me like I’m a problem when I’m feeling sad. I don’t get it. Trying to make me the bad guy. Then I remember, she had got mad at me for being sad some months ago and she was banging on my door and then told me that she was gonna make me sleep in the garage. Instead of asking me what’s wrong, she just gets mad and acts like I’m a problem. But then when I start feeling better, she isn’t mad towards me. Then parents wonder why their children don’t talk to them. Idk wtf they thought but having kids isn’t just all sunshine and f*cking rainbows, they have emotions too. Not just adults can be sad smh. Also, another thing. When she had asked me what’s wrong and I sent her pictures of my writings in my diary that I’ve had for some years now, she didn’t even say something comforting, she just started sending a whole bunch of praying hands and god this, god that gifs thingys. She’s made me cry more than anybody else tbh. Even your own parents can make you feel depressed.
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