Respect & inform me, please!
Hi there,
Am not sure of how to put this question...
How can one avoid to meet one's old friends when half of the family still are friends with them?
I don't feel good when around several of my previous childhood friends and swore to myself about 3-4 years ago to always choose social situations carefully from then on.
It's been more convenient now, since I more easily become exhausted (on my way of becoming burned out).
Every exhaustion-period I become very debilitated and can not neither work, study nore socialize because my brain simply needs rest for several weeks up to 2 months to function normally.
So, choosing people and activities wisely has become more convenient for me.
One family member has made me explain again and again why I don't want to see my previous friends anymore.
I don't think I need to explain myself no more.
Also, it feels like another family member tries to bring me to meet my previous friends through "accidental" social gatherings and sometimes through invitations to family gatherings and accidentally forget to tell me that some of my previous friends are coming.
Many times I also don't feel good when meeting my family members all at once, because of tentions in between them and also in between me and them. But they are still my family. And family means the most to me. I'm also kind of co-dependent on my family, but have tried to break loose from old patterns for several years now.
It's kind of rude and inappropriate to be picky and choose who one wants to meet and not.
So how can I make my family members understand that I never "accidentally" want to meet my previous friends ever again?
This is tricky. I am having the same situation with a few members of my family. I have found that it works best to be honest and assertive. Try using "Me" statements. For example: "When I see those people it causes me incredible distress. I don't want to be around those people." Another thing that I have tried is reaching out to the family members that treat people with respect and kindness and planning social gatherings with them separately from the big family events. Family is important to me too but honestly at this point in my life I feel that how people behave and how they treat each other is more important than blood. It is okay to set up boundaries between yourself and your old friends. You only get one life. There is nothing wrong with choosing to spend your free time only with people who make you feel happy, supported and safe. Good luck to you! 🙂