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egret35
1,086 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts97 Forum upvotes71 Current upvotes71 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceJuly 1, 2021
Bio
Hi my name is Joe. I am a 40 year old full time single dad. I have Schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I have a lot experience coping with mental disorders and I am willing to share what I have learned from my experiences.
Recent forum posts
Inner Demons
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by egret35
Last post
 November 14th, 2023
...See more I have been hearing voices in my head. Some of them are kind and helpful. Others tell me to do things that have gotten me into trouble with law enforcement. Sometimes I can't tell the good voices from the bad voices. I don't want to lose the good voices, but the bad ones are So tricky. Does anyone have any advice that could be helpful?
Bipolar Siblings
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by egret35
Last post
 August 1st, 2023
...See more My sister and I are both bipolar. We have never gotten along well. We get into arguments a lot. They usually get nasty. We are both single parents and we have both been in abusive relationships. We had been getting along much better lately. And then yesterday happened. My sister got free tickets to a waterpark/amusement park, and two other attractions in a town about 2 hours away from where we live. She offered to take me and my son with her. I drove, she provided the tickets. The trip there went fine and we had a nice conversation while my son listened to his headphones. Once we got into town the driving became stressful. It was really busy and I didn't know where we were going. My sister wanted to go shopping at a store, but she didn't know the name of it. She started giving me directions, but they were wrong. I told her I wanted to use GPS, but she said no, she knew the way. She would tell me where to turn at the last second. I was frustrated and anxious. When I almost hit a car trying to merge quickly in response to her directions I got angry. She told me not to get angry as it was upsetting her. I told her that I had a right to emotions and that she was being self-centered. She called me ungrateful. We tried to make up and control our emotions, but we just kept amping each other up all day long. By the end of the day it had gotten really ugly. We both admitted it was both of our faults and both felt really bad for my son. But by that point I was so angry and anxious that I felt like I was going to explode. My sister was crying and afraid. We were both incredibly sad. We were both really mean to each other. At one point I told her she had to take a bus home. That was going to far and I know. I was going to do it though. In my mind I thought, "I am not going to take this abuse anymore!" Fortunately, my conscious spoke up and I changed my mind. But I had terrified my sister. The strange thing is I don't feel guilty about it. I always feel guilty when I hurt someone. I just feel angry and hurt. I sure our behavior had a lot to do with our relationships with the opposite sex in the past. My ex-wife was physically and emotionally abusive. I have always loved my sister, even though we don't get along. Now I just hate her. I know none of this is healthy and yes I will be talking about this with my therapist. I told my sister that I would talk to my therapist on Tuesday and then call and apologize. I don't know what's wrong with me. Anger issues for sure. But I will say that every time I got angry yesterday it was provoked. That doesn't excuse my behavior though. I don't know. My dad says that we shouldn't spend a lot of time together Maybe that is for the best...
Online Dating
Depression Support / by egret35
Last post
 July 5th, 2023
...See more I have recently tried dating again. I told myself I wouldn't do it online again, but here I am. It was going well at first. This morning I sent someone a message with a friendly introduction and a joke. The person blocked me immediately. It has made me sad and hurt my self-esteem. I guess if someone does that, it is not the kind of person I want to date anyway. It still hurts though. I am bi-polar and sensitive. I am afraid this might bring me down for a while. Thank you for letting me share.
Life expectancy
Depression Support / by egret35
Last post
 July 19th, 2021
...See more I found a life expectancy calculator online today. The average life expectancy for a Male in the United States is about 80 years old. I am 40 and 40 more years seems like an eternity. But using this calculator which includes weight, activity level, and such I have found out that my life expectancy is only 66. That is really good news. That means that I probably only have to wait another 26 years. My daughter is ten now and by the time she is 36 she should definitely be able to care for herself. If I started smoking again I could lower it a few more years I think but my daughter gets really upset when I smoke and I might not be there if she needs me. I really hate being alive but fortunately life doesn't last forever...
Invisible weights
Depression Support / by egret35
Last post
 July 22nd, 2021
...See more Today I was very sad. I don't know if I am alone here but sadness effects me noticeably physically. It makes it hard to move. I feel like something is dragging me down. It makes me feel tired and weak. I know this won't last forever but it usually only lasts a few days. I have been like this for 2 weeks now. Aside from that I think I may have frightened someone here by trying to offer support. Maybe I am over thinking that but I am so afraid of people myself that I am always afraid I am going to frighten someone by being too friendly. That is one of the reasons that I tend to avoid people. I am going to talk to my therapist tomorrow so hopefully that helps with these issues...
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