My mom forgot me
my mom has dementia. I didnt know until a couple weeks ago. I noticed different behavior for years but she was still engaged with her kids, living life, with all of her interests and quirks.
about a month ago her texts starting getting less and less frequent. She wasnt calling or reaching out. Now when I see her there is fear and dread in her eyes. She doesnt look at me like a mother. Im almost a stranger to her. She never texts me or responds to my texts. My mom doesnt know me. She doesnt know her. Everything she was and loved is just a memory she has lost. I see her daily but shes already gone. My family is falling apart trying to manage her care. I dont know how to let her go when she is still in the room.
@forcefulComputer4144 I read your post and was filled with sadness. Dementia is such a cruel disease. Your comment about ' dont know how to let her go when she is still in the room." rings true for many of us. It can be so exceptionally hard and painful to cope with. I hope that coming and posting here may help a little so that you can share your feelings in a safe space. Sending you lots of hugs!
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@forcefulComputer4144 Thank you for sharing your struggles. You must be really upset about these changes in your mother. I have seen others struggle with dementia, and it is such a cruel disease. With one person close to me, I have to keep reminding myself that they can't help it. Their brain is not operating properly. They love me, even if they don't remember me.
It is a very sad, difficult thing to go through. I hope that you and your family can find healthy ways to grieve and mourn this loss, even when it feels overwhelming sometimes.
If you ever want to talk 1-1 about what you are going through, please reach out to a listener. https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
I understand how you feel and I'm sorry. My mom went into a nursing home in 2020 and was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Sometimes she thinks I'm a fake and that her real daughter is dead. We used to talk everyday, but they had to take her phone away because she calls the cops during delusions. It took me a long time to accept that she'll never be the same again. Most of the time she'll ask me to leave after 20 minutes of visiting because the voices argue too much and she gets overwhelmed with me there. Every now and then I play music for her. Songs that she likes and she closes her eyes and sways along. It reminds me of how she used to be before the mental illness got bad. I look for moments that remind me of her. That makes me feel good. Maybe you could try that with your Mom, play her favorite songs or talk about old times. Little moments with glimpses of the woman you used to know can be precious for both of you. Good luck.
Hey I read your post, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through but I can say I completely understand. Your mother is still your mother dementia or not. All those memories may seem gone to you but isn't gone to her nor you, y'all both still remember. My mom had dementia and the first time I notice it was when she couldn't even remember my little brother and my brother was too young at the time to understand but I understood and it was sad to see but I didn't think much of it. I move out my parents house and moved away shortly after and my father was struggling to take care of her alone he ask us for help but we we're all too young and wanted to live our own life instead, years past and my mom passed away and my biggest regret was not being there and cherishing and still loving her even at her lowest point in life. So I say to you just still cherish every single moment ❤️ God bless
@forcefulComputer4144
I had a friends mother who had that her long term memory was fine but her short term was not. She was like a mom to me and came up with ways to remind her of a question she just asked 5 minutes ago. I still have a link to handling parent's with dementia this might help you deal with her comdition.
https://tinyurl.com/4mw98a2u
I can only imagine what your family’s going through. She may not remember much anymore, may not have the look you knew from your mom, but you know her in your heart. I hope still holding on to now will make your heart warmer knowing you don’t need any affection in return to continue to love her. Sending you comforting thoughts.
I’m so sorry to hear that that happened. Dementia is so awful and it can hurt so many people and their loved ones. I hope that you and your mother both stay safe and power through. I hope that she gets a bit better.
@forcefulComputer4144 Hey I read your post, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through but I can say I completely understand. Your mother is still your mother dementia or not. All those memories may seem gone to you but isn't gone to her nor you, y'all both still remember.
