Losing beauty, aging
I don’t mean to be depressing But this aging business is really getting to me I don’t know got to come to terms with it. I’m 41. No kids. Single. Divorced. Used to be considered attractive. Now I literally wake up daily with the dust thought in my head being how old I’ve gotten, how I’ve lost my beauty and youth, how My skin (and other things) are sagging. How hard it is to get out of bed because my body has become so inflexible. My joints crack and creak. Losing muscle mass. Get so tired so quickly. I question the point of living past this age daily. And then simultaneously I resent the fact that our culture makes us such youth worshippers that we can’t even live our own aging process. How in the world do ppl get through this age without commuting suicide?
God! I have the same thoughts about getting older, I am 26 though. But yeah for us, girls, this is haaard to accept.
Dear @Nemo I sincerely hope that you appreciate everything in you that you believe is an imperfection, that needs improvement, or that is not good enough in you. I can’t tell you enough how I wish someone told me at 26 that when I look back later... like at age 40... I’m going to think how silly I was to ever be self conscious of my weight, my big thighs, my oversized curves... all those times I thought my skin was had too much and, when I didn’t wear a skirt or dress because “my legs are ugly”... sigh. Appreciate everything you have now because one thing us for sure. You will always look back to yourself, whether next year or ten years from now, and think how beautiful you were when you were youthful. Trust me.
Hi again navyWillow, I love this post! Yes, I feel the exact same way! I definitely notice that it’s hard to find the balance between putting effort into my appearance and focusing on aspects of life that have nothing at all to do with the type youth/beauty that causes us anxiety. I think it’s accomplishable. I notice if I get absorbed in art, reading, nature, a project, or a social experience filled with these elements that I don’t have negative thoughts about my diminishing looks. I also don’t plan on living out some depressing super old age. Life till 68 is my focus. Good luck and it’s always lovely to read your voice!
@navyWillow2590
*high fives* on your amazing post! 
I think how you phrased it is perfect.....how to come to terms with it. For me, it's something I feel like I have come to terms with (with acceptance comes peace). But I don't know if we really and truly actually come to terms with it? If that makes any sense?
As for me, on the one hand I understand and accept the changes that the face and body go through. I try to see a little line or wrinkle as a badge of honor (but I still put that moisturizer on my face every day...kind of like, eek, gotta' do something here, lol). I can feel the changes in my body, the tiredness, the aches and pains and just as you said, the joints creaking and popping all of the time. I try to read, educate myself on the changes that I have gone through and more that are likely to come.
I guess I've done a couple of things. I've tried to accept it as best I can. I have tried to see the humor in it....with the joints cracking and popping I have refered to myself as "snap, crackle, pop" the tag line for the Rice Krispy cereal.
I've been incredibly forthcoming with those around me and verbalized to them I don't have the same energy that I used to. I try to maximize my time and do the things that are truly my forte', things that others simply can't because they don't have the particular knowledge in an area but I ask for extra help on lifting heavy items, things that might overly exhaust me and kind of take me "out of the game for the day". I try to logicize with them, as in.....well if I do this over here and it would so much easier for you to do that task, I have more energy to do this over here that might not be as easy for you. With all relationships a good amount of negotiation is required from time to time, lol.
That kind of fits right in with me learning how to delegate. I have to delegate some tasks to others but I spent a lot of time with them on teaching them how to do these things. These are important life skills for them anyway. I even let them see how I have devoted my entire life to them and I'm still here and still willing to give of my time, treasures and talents but now is the adjustment phase.
I also let myself off the "hook". I tell myself it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to go through changes. I try to pace myself, take a break when needed and really think about what could possibly wait till tomorrow if I'm just that tired. Even doing things that way has taken adjustment mentally as I am not one to procrastinate, I've always been a do it now kind of gal.
I think about my life and my purpose. I think about the fact that I wasn't put on this earth to be a Barbie Doll and that my life has much more meaning than that. I think about the people that I love and that love me. They really don't even care what I look like, it's the love I have to offer to them. So......these are the people that truly matter to me anyway.
I try to accentuate the positives, think of the positives and therefor somehow end up feeling pretty comfortable in my own skin. I think I'm holding strong, I'll give myself some credit, I still got it! I may not look like I did when I was 20 but I think I give myself credit, do the best I can to take care of what I have (eat well, stay hydrated) and tell myself I look great "for my age".
Also in an effort to "let myself of the hook" I know that this thing called life is not a competition. I have always known that there are so many out there that are smarter, prettier, bigger, faster, stronger than me. But allow myself to stand in my own light. Might be shocking that in my acceptance of myself (before covid and being able to go out to eat) I usually would go out to an early dinner with my family, many times with no make up, hair pulled up in whad, and wearing sweat pants and a hoodie. I told myself I wasn't there to impress my waiter or waitress. Kindness matters. As long as I'm nice I figure I will be liked just fine. (but of course, have to put that moisturizer on and a nice perfume, some things I won't budge on, haha)
I hope my sharing of my feelings was okay. I think it is okay and worthy as long as I am able to share my feelings with you while also sharing what is called a "hero" story.
That there is acceptance, there is peace you can make with yourself, and it's okay to adjust and still be happy.
I send you big *hugs* 
Beautifully said...thank you 🤗
@hamilton130
You are most welcome my friend! Thank you so very much for your positive affirmations of me and making me feel great about my contributions to this post! And see, maybe for me today it really is coming full circle. I am more than a face and a body. I have value, I have ways to contribute to this world that have nothing at all to do with what it is that I look like as do us all! Sometimes one's mindset can really influence just exactly where their self esteem comes from. Where do I draw my strength from? My self esteem? My self worth? Many times it is through helping others and helping to propell others to their next greatest phase in life.
My life can't always be involved with my beauty because the "rose soon doth fade". I guess we all on this post are seeing how these things happen.
I loved your other comment below about how looking back you remember how you felt back then when you looked a certain way (younger). And still back then, you found fault with yourself. I see that I did that as well. I have done the same thing, looking back and thinking "wow, why did you find fault with yourself? How great would it be for me to get all of that back right now, just plastered all over me?" For me, it sends a message to me. I need to be happy with what it is that I have in the here and now. Sometimes it's just never good enough for us as people.
I like me, I like how I look. I'm good enough! I'm over picking myself apart. Even what I thought about myself, back then I can see now wasn't an accurate way to feel about myself. So, I have learned from myself and faulty thought patterns.
In an effort to add levity, because you sound amazing and fun also, I remember looking behind me when I turned 21 and thought, "oh my gosh, how did this happen right on my birthday? My butt fell?" For me now I'm just happy that it's not flapping against the back of my knees.
hahahaha If I wake up and I don't feel something hurting, I get a little concerned and think "oh no, if it doesn't hurt it must have broken off and now I have to go find it". It's simply a process.
I'm growing old gracefully in my humble opinion. I still put on that moisturizer though. Some days I tell myself that I am soooooooooo cute! If someone irl life doesn't tell me that which does not happen- no one is sitting around to try and tell me that I'm cute that's for sure......guess what, I'll let Robin Thick "Blurred Lines" or Usher "So Caught Up" tell me so. I put in my ear buds, blast the music, sing and dance to the music while getting more labor intensive chores done. What ever get's us through my friend! These are some of my theme songs, yes, I'm cute! Good things in equals good things out. I focus less on commercials and the what the world and the media expects for me to look like.
I send big *hugs* to anyone and everyone that are dealing with the changes that they are facing in life!
I'm 46 and I remember thinking I was so old at 30, then 35, then 40. Now I think to myself that when I'm 55, I'll wish I was 46 again, so that helps me put things into perspective. Hope this helps. My mom who is 66 looks at me and says omg you're so young...😅
I am 45. After going through breast cancer treatment 7 years ago and gaining massive amounts of weight I had given up on trying to look good. The stress of family members about my weight was of no help and trying to lose it by getting low frequency Vanquish treatments, diet injections, personal training sessions, spa treatments racked up unmanageable credit card bills which mom had to pay off for. I wondered whether this was biology's way of saying my time was up. Peak in your 20s and die by 40s.
It's a sad process aging and accepting it . I am a few more years ahead of you. It's hard to adjust to . When I was younger I wasted a lot of my time worrying . Chasing after guys who were not worth it . Taking my youth for granted completely . My mother always said ' youth is wasted on the young ' . I get this now.... Clothes I wear tend to be chosen for being comfy . Even shoes i get are sensible and comfortable to walk in . I cant even believe I'm saying these things . Dont get me started with everything else that aging does to you as a person.
Hi to all! I’m right there with ya, peering into the great unknown, scared (and yet knowing I “shouldn’t be”) of what’s lurking there..... hugs to all 🤗. Know that you are not alone (and kindness really does outlast physical beauty)
