In dilemma, Need suggestions
Despite my attempts to reconcile with my husband after a month of separation, he's still holding onto the hurt from when I hurt him during the first eight months of our marriage. when he became abusive to me during our second year, he blamed me for his actions. While I've asked to start anew, he feels I didn't live up to his expectations and wasn't the partner he desired but he could try to forget the wounds we caused to each other. He's committed to our marriage, which is why he can't make a decision to end it. If you were engaged he would end it without giving it a second thought. He feels I didn't love him enough and gave him no peace of mind throughout our two years of marriage. However, he's also suffering from our separation, and the only positive thing he sees in me is my ability to take care of him. I'm unsure whether to walk away or try to reconcile again. I suggested couples therapy, but he thinks there's nothing wrong with him, and I should seek help alone if necessary.
@persistentFarm8730
This sounds like a scenario where the best thing you can do for each other is divorce. There are many things going on here, but the standout factor is this: he was abusive, blames you for his actions, and does not admit there is anything wrong with him or anything HE needs to do about it. This is what you will continue to get out of the relationship if you choose to continue. You having to carry the burden and guilt of any relationship flaws while he hangs his portion of the responsibility on you and continues to see himself solely as the victim. It's not a healthy way to proceed and it's not going to get better unless he has a major reconstruction of his view of himself. He doesn't respect you and because he can't see himself as anything but the victim, and you as the reason the relationship began to crack, that won't change.
Your actions may have started it, but his retaliation further broke the relationship and if he can't shoulder the responsibility of his half, it's not going to work.
