Heartbroken & Depressed
Hi everyone. Sorry in advance if I sound like I’m complaining and ranting. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. This seems to be the only space where I csn just let everything out and not pretend evrythjng is ok.
My bf of 12 years told me, right before the holidays, that he “met someone” on a work trip and thinks she might be the “the love of his life.” He’s gone home for the holidays to “think about things.” I’m almost sure he’ll want to breakup when he’s back since he basically hasn’t message me since he left.
I can’t decide if I’m devastated or enraged, probably both. We just bought a house together and I went through 2 years of IVF. I can’t begin to express how upset I am. I can’t sleep at night and dream about this constantly.
I’ve been stable for the last 2-3 years, but this has triggered some major depression for me (I’m bipolar 2, depression being my main issue — and I know I shouldn’t but I always feel ashamed to tell people this),
I’m trying to figure out how to cope with a slew of sad and negative feelings :(
Whoever if reading this, thanks for listening. I really appreciate it.
@Bluestar3 I'm sorry. This sounds so heartbreaking. 12 yrs is a long time and after you've been together through so many things, to hear this must be shocking. Well, maybe he'd change his mind or you could discuss what's missing in your relationship... Take it a day a time. No point worrying right now although it is understandably a sensitive time for you.
Hi Creamyyy — Thank you :) I’m trying my best. I think being alone has been the hardest. I really appreciate and look forward to being part of this community.
@Bluestar3
I am so sorry to hear that this has happened
I’m not going to lie- when I read this I was upset for you. It’s like he threw 12 years worth of a beautiful relationship down the drain for someone he ran into. That is my emotional side anyway haha
In all seriousness, it makes sense why your depression showed up. It can be daunting and questions of insecurity can form. Why did he do that? Am I not enough? What about all those years? Did we waste our time? It’s okay to grieve over those thoughts that are going through your mind. Even if you didn’t have depression or bipolar disorder, I wouldn’t be surprised if you still reacted similarly.
I would say maybe you can learn from him one last time. In this moment he is considering what is best for him. You should do the same. You should consider what is best for you in all of this. Definitely get therapy on those triggers. And know that it’s okay whatever feelings you’ve had or have. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to long for him back. It’s okay to be angry. But don’t forget yourself. Don’t be stepped on by him. Do what is best for you. And make a game plan for that. I think that can be a way you can deal with all your emotions. Let them come and go but also make game plans on what to do next
@Bluestar3 Why do people do this just before the holidays? I hope he gets nothing but coal for Xmas and poo in his stockings! Sorry you’re facing this. Glad you’re here.
@Bluestar3 Im sorry to here that ): it sounds like you are going through a rough time. Don't forget that there are always listeners here for you, and though I am not listener, Im sure they would love to listen and hopefully that will make you feel better (: Im sorry though, that sounds rough
@Bluestar3 Unrelated but did you name yourself bluestar from the warriors series? If so, I love that series too (:
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Men can be total BUTTHOLES! If this is the case, I would wish him well and dump Him. You don't need this crap. Block him on all social media. Block his phone number. Get rid of ANYTHING that reminds you of him . Don't listen to ANY songs that bring up memories of him. Cold turkey girl! Hope this helps!
@Bluestar3It's a thing called Limerence. Infatuation...some weird chemistry that happens in the brain, but it goes thru 3 stages. It can last anywhere from 3 months to 36 months, rarely does it last past 48 months.
Stage 1 is Infatuation-Totally blinded by what one feels is TRUE LOVE...feels like you were meant to be together with this new other person and the current relationship was/is a mistake and never should have taken place.
Stage 2 is Crystallization- One starts believing that EVERYTHING is now as it should be and the rest of life will be spent with this new "love" in their life in total bliss.
Stage 3 is Deterioration-The chemical chemistry in the brain wears off, then the person wakes up into reality...the person who jumped in 1st is usually the person who is 1st to jump out of this delusional relationship. The person who jumped in after, is the one who is left begging and pleading, but of no use as any and all love/emotions has faded from the person who jumps put 1st. They may reconcile, but it too doesn't last, it will fall apart. Questions left to ask yourself is if this emotional affair turns into a physical affair, will you be able to stomach it, will you be able to accept him back, reconcile with or without individual or couple therapy?
Hope this helps. Do let us know how things are unfolding or how it all ends up. Best of luck!
@G01ng — This super interesting and helpful. I think, for me, if he leaves, I’m 100% done. Right now, I’m potentially willing to reconcile (obviously assuming nothing else has happened and he truly wants to work on things). But leaving to me feels like such a betrayal and feels like he’s not willing to try, so I don’t see a path forward if we breakup. I could totally be wrong; just how I feel now.
12 years is a long time to spend with someone. I'm sorry it's coming to an end. What a *** to say that to you and also be indecisive "I'll have to think about things." I'd make up his mind for him and tell him it's been great, but it's time to part ways.
I'm divorced and he married his mistress. We had a daughter together so I still gotta deal with him from time to time. Do you have kids with this guy? If not...clean break for you. I wish you the best 🙂
@SweetPea — Ugh. Boo 👎🏻 to your ex for cheating and marrying the mistress :(
We don’t have kids but we were trying :(
@SweetPea321
How long has it been since this 1di0t left and married his mistress?
Did she also leave a relationship to be with him?
Her ex is in prison, I guess. She was pregnant when we were getting our divorce. Then they married before her son was born. We've been divorced since 2010.
He did tell me that he regretted getting re-married so fast.