Has Any Relationship Survived Infidelity?
I'm in couples therapy trying to deal with my spouse's affair.
Long story short, we hit a rough patch last summer and he cheated on me. We've been in couples therapy since Jan 2022 but I found about the affair in April.
It destroyed me.
He's been doing everything he can to show me he's changed but I'm still so bitter and feel so much hate and rage towards him.
I feel like imhave bad ptsd from this, I have such bad depression over the affair and anxiety over the future with him.
He's so different now, is going to therapy to be a better man, but I resent it had to come to this for change to happen.
Has anyone ever managed to heal with their partner after something like this?
@zeetee17 I’m not married yet but I still don’t have any trust in my husband. He says a lot of disturbing things which I don’t know if he really means or not. I wish it was possible to trust someone easily and not have that person betray you
I am the widow of a notorious womaniser.
it was a huge betrayal when I figured out, but... I kept quiet, because I normally choose my battles.
It ALL depends how much you value the other side(s) of your husband. I would have left him if he had been violent to me or the kids and even the pets, if he didn't do his part around the house, blew up too many times or blew away our income. I worked on it, sure, for a few months after I realised what was going on, but then I chose to give myself peace.
But infidelity? Just once? He's sorry and even going to therapy with you ? This woman is even not your or Holy sh*t, you may well have a keeper right there. You CAN be and feel amazing with this resolution and enjoy the great potential of your marriage.
Think ahead ! After all...
I don't have an answer because I'm in a similar situation. We are taking the same steps and it's not easy. I see the effort but I don't know if it will be enough in the end. I will give it time and see where it leads. Ultimately I'll leave if I need to for my own happiness.
Stay strong. I'd be open to connecting cause I could use the support too.
@zeetee17 My first spouse cheated on me MULTIPLE times, and after each time he would say how sorry he was and how he would change. After the last time, I realized I could not trust anything he said to me and that he was a habitual liar. So I filed for divorce and moved on. BEST THING I EVER DID. This was 20 years ago. I am married now to a wonderful man who treats me like a queen, inspires me to be a stronger, more confident person, has stood by me through many challenges -- all without cheating -- is younger and better looking than my ex-husband. Not that this matters but I'm just trying to say that I would have never met this jewel of a person if I had stayed connected with my ex. Letting go is super hard. Finding a new path by yourself is challenging and you will be tempted to give up and settle for companionship -- even casual companionship. Know that is okay, and part of the healing process, so love yourself. forgive yourself, take case of yourself and take the time you need to heal. You will be amazed at how much stronger you'll be on the other side. Then when someone wonderful comes into your life, you will be well met and ready to see your own value, as well as theirs. I wish you well in your journey -- no matter what you do, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and remember -- you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.
@zeetee17 My wife cheated on me with my best friend for several years. I found out in 2010, we never split, we stayed together and worked through it and things have been incredible since. We are now making incredible memories together and have been for a while now. Reach out if you have any questions!
@zeetee17
For me their cheating was a symptom of a much larger issue that was like devastating hurt and confirmation piled on many other moments of devastating hurt.
I think by then it was very out of control. They didn't want to do therapy. I've held on to hope that it could survive without good reason for a very long time...four years maybe.
Even when we stopped talking for many many months a part of me maybe thought there was still hope.
But it was like their cheating was the deathstroke and now I'm trying to grieve that alongside lost family and pets, dreams and my youth amidst a tangle of inter-generational and epigenetic trauma.
There's so many factors...it's like an ongoing investigation or archeological dig of a mysterious city of ruins where I uncover this broken wound of pottery and must theorize and strategize and conceptualize and heal it then dig again to find that old room or tool, then that one. Very long process. Very tedious. Very emotional so far for me.
I have a lot of experience with this subject. I’m sad to admit it, but that’s the reality. I can walk you through the healing journey if you’d like. Our timeline seems similar. My DDay was in a May 2021. Please reach out if you’d like to chat privately.
a friend of mine did. They did breakup. The one who “broke up” was then in a relationship. After less than a year, they got back together. They are now married with kids.
@zeetee17 Yes, there are couples who have stayed together after one member cheated. From what I've heard about it, however, the relationship is never quite the same afterward.
