Betrayal Trauma
Its been 9 months since I found out about my partner's affair, and despite his commitment to change, I still have frequent nightmares, panic attacks, acute emotional pain over the trauma. I feel like he deserves to experience the emotional damage he's put me through.
I don't know what love is or is supposed to mean anymore, but it will never be the same.
I'm emotionally detached from sex because I keep picturing him with her when we are intimate. This is devastating to me because I am a sexual person and I enjoy it and I feel loke he's ruined that for me too.
No matter how much he's changed, I'm stuck in this cycle of betrayal trauma.
Seeing a therapist ever since it happened.
I understand what it feels like to be cheated on 💔 You never forget. Why is it so hard for them to be faithful? Sex is a special bond between two people, but some don't see it that way. Some see it as a fun, meaningless activity.
The next guy I get is going to be a nerd that nobody else wants and he worships the ground I walk on. Hey...there are some sexy nerds out there 😄
Oh yeah, and good luck with therapy. I hope it helps. I enjoy talking with my therapist.
thank you
I married a nerd that nobody else wanted. It turned out that he had low self-esteem and was a covert narcissist. He turned into a cheat and a liar. That built him up but tore me down. I was the wife who didn’t know. I discovered one affair but there was so much more. He had at least six affairs.
i recommend finding a healthy person with good self-esteem who can truly love another person. I also recommend learning all you can about narcissism.
I have just come out of a relationship with a covert narcissist… I cannot begin to describe how each affair and betrayal hit me. I don’t even know where to begin in rebuilding
im so sorry:(
Im sorry you went thru that and have been feeling this way ever since then. I know what you mean , I made a choice to marry a boy that had showed me he wasn’t ready and had cheating tendencies. That was my mistake. Once married he kept on cheating and caught him with someone else , he wouldn’t Come home , and when he did he would have hickeys on neck. All cheatings with different girls. I thought I loved him and always forgave him because I wanted my marriage to work and because we have a kid. I divorced him when I knew I didn’t love him anymore. From one day to the next. I knew I was becoming someone I wasn’t . I missed my old loving , happy, giving, cheerful, outgoing self. So I worked on searching and loving myself again. Guess what? It’s been great without him , and he still miserable and hates me lol. I simply gave him freedom like he wanted. He now has another kid with someone else and hasn’t changed. My son is now 15. This was back in 2014. Things will change for you sweetheart . Believe that!
thank you
@zeetee17 you deserve so much better and i love that you are trying to hold on to unconditional and genuine love but if that's not going both ways then u will forever be just waiting your time on someone that doesn't deserve you.
I don't believe in unconditional love. I'm staying with him and trying to work it out because be begged me to try and give it time and do therapy with him. hes fiven me access to eveythinf, to prove he will never again have anything to hide. we go to therapy together, and also do single sessions. My tjerapist believes in his change. Maybe its genuine. But his actions caused way too much pain for me to feel "in love" with him. i see he's been putting in the work and i have some good days but i know the trauma sits just under the skin waiting for triggers to bring me low. thats going to happen whether I'm with him or not. I feel im in a place where i have nothing more to lose by trying.
@zeetee17
I'm so sorry you had to go through that Zeetee. I was with a beautiful soul that had so much light in her and I betrayed that trust and love when I was texting with my ex-wife for a period. There was no physical interaction but it was a betrayal nevertheless. It is the worst thing I've ever done and the hurt it caused was immeasurable and things have never been the same since. I don't how to heal from it and I feel a shell of my former self these days. I pray your able to turn it around 🙏🙏
did she decide to stay with you? i know a part of me will always hate my husband for what he did. i feel like he ruined my life. maybe cheaters have to live with the pain they caused...
@zeetee17
Betrayal....my God that word has lived in me for so long, I took, don't know what love is, or if I even know how to. . Betrayal hurts the worst out of all the different types of hurt we'll face in a lifetime. And it's extra hard when it's a partner. The one person you are supposed to know for sure wouldn't be the cause of it, caused you the worst pain you've felt. . . almost everyone in my family AND my partner have betrayed me in such a way, I ended up just believing all people are dangerous and out to get me. I live a life of deep ongoing resentment and pain. And now I trust nobody. It's no way to live. .if I could go back to moment my partner did the unthinkable - I would never have gave it another shot. It has been an uncomfortable and pointless, loveless relationship ever since. Which we have projected on to to our kids. If you have a really hard time accepting it and can't get seem to get past it. Stop trying. It'll only take many more years of unhappiness that you could have spent building for yourself. And that's more painful than the initial blow.
Revenge does only one thing......poisons the person seeking it
@zeetee17
Never give a cheater a second chance. They had a first chance and they disrespected it.
They lack empathy and now you are suffering from this. You deserve to be with someone you can trust and fulfils all your needs.
@zeetee17
Also my Ex girlfriend who I adored and loved a lot had slept with married men when she was single. That alone was enough of a red flag and I could never trust her and I lost her because of that. I don't know that she would have ever cheated on me but if you don't have strong values you suddenly realise them when confronted like that.
I understand. My wife has cheated on me and I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you.
im so sorry
@zeetee17
I am sorry your going through this. No one likes to be cheated on and the feelings your going through must be hard. I do hope through therapy as you have said something can help you know it was not supposed to happen and how to recover from the trauma