Afraid to start dating again
Hi, I’m 42 and single. Divorced a decade ago. I have two kids and have dated sporadically over the years but have a lot of fears about putting myself out there and meeting new people. Has anyone had success dating online? Are there apps anyone could recommend or advice for dating later in life?
Hi,
As time goes by, I have also let go of some toxic friendships and relationships. What matters is taking care of our own mental health. This is a normal process of getting older and wiser.
I met my partner online. I think while dating online you have to be cautious and patient.
It will all fall in place for you, just enjoy the ride.
@energeticWillow4306
yeah, mental health first.
Hi my name is Prince, I am 31 and I am looking forward to be your friend, let's link up
hi! I’m new to this and was just exploring and came across your post. I tried online dating and while most of it was a failure, I did make some really good friends and met some interesting people. I also met a guy who I still talk to and it’s been about 5 years since he took me on my first date. We’ve both dated other people and understood each other and I’m glad I met him and we both agree that even if we just remain friends, we’re both ok with that because we like each other’s company. Online dating can be overwhelming at times especially if you’re a good looking person but I found that most guys were just looking for a hook up but maybe I was just on the wrong sites lol
@TallBunny830
Ok.. I made inappropriate jokes on dating sites every once and a while.
I guess you come across the nude/insensitive trivia profile questions so much that it makes you feel like a total derp. But past that, I still peruse past all content to find what I feel matters.. but not sure what that is supposed to be online.
Offline made me realize I need a lot and and am an odd egg that needs to fit somehow.
i know how hard it can be to get back in the dating scene. im 42 as well and i also found it difficult after getting divorced six years ago. it gets easier if you keep at it but i understand how intimidating it can be
I’m in the same boat. Divorced a
decade. Haven’t dated yet.
@sincereIdea8304 I am 33 and to be divorced sometime in the near future. I was unfaithful and cannot take back what I did as much as I want to. My wife wanted me out of the house so I agreed because I realized what I had destroyed. We have a young daughter together. Not long after everything came out she decided to start having another man sleep over despite my wishes of that to happen because I did not want my daughter confused so quickly. She kept doing it and after many lies and “trying to protect my feelings” she admits that she is exclusive with him. I have been living at my parents house the past six months all while continuing to help pay for the house and all it’s utilities. All I wanted was a second chance to show that I was not in the right frame of mind. But she has other plans. I have had suicidal thoughts but my daughter is the only person keeping me here. I have to be strong for her. My “wife” is so concerned about chasing around a kid who still lives at home with his mom that I have been the one stepping up and being with her when she needs a “break” or needs to sleep out. I can’t believe I did this and that my life has turned to this. I see no end in this nightmare i’m living. I’m torn between just saying we need to sell the house and split the profit but we built the house from the ground up together and now it’s soiled because of her selfish impulsive decision to involve another man in our home.
@why9889 While I appreciate that you accept your culpability in the destruction of your marriage, you can not put the whole blame on her for "soiling" your home. You cheated first. If that had not happened, then she would never have gotten involved with another man. You need to forgive that if the opportunity comes up for reconciliation just as much as she needs to forgive you. Should she have had a man come over so quickly? No, of course not. But the feelings she had of inadequacy due to being cheated on probably prompted her to pick someone who may be even remotely interested for his validation of her worth. After being cheated on, many people question why were they not good enough to keep that from happening. So she probably feels anger and inadequacy.
Perhaps you should sell the home and split the profit. You should not have to pay for her support as she chose to let you leave rather than working on the problem. Perhaps it will make her reconsider the impact of the situation. It might be a trigger to consider reconciliation. I am not saying for sure it will. But it might be. But right now, she has NOTHING to lose. You pay for the house and all the utilities. What does she do aside from raise your daughter? You are essentially her sugar daddy. And right now... houses are getting snatched up really quick at a good price.
But if she has not filed for divorce and neither have you, it tells me that neither of you are sure you really want to be divorced. Worst case scenario... you file, you both agree on the terms and it is over. Best case scenario... you file she reconsiders and you give it another shot, you both keep the house. Possible outcome that is median. You file..... the house gets sold probably at a profit than what you built it for.... you reconcile and you have more money to build a new house that wont have the stigma attached.
Sorry you are going through this, but this is just my perspective.
I think it is admirable that your concern is for your daughter, as it should be. She is the ONLY blameless person in this whole ordeal.
@why9889
I think i destroyed/destroy a lot postrelationship with people offline. guilty-complex >.>
@sincereIdea8304 I'm a guy in late twenties. Haven't been in a relationship yet.
Not all dating platforms are good out there . I would recommend something that's free and gives equal opportunity . Not merely based on photo swiping .
Somewhere which allows us to filter / search people based on keywords , so we can find like minded personalities to develop a connection with.
It's truly a difficult process.
@Quest4Love
stay away from the photo memed ones with selfies lol hate it
@sincereIdea8304 I had luck on Bumble after my divorce. We are still together 4 years later going strong.
@humorousLunch6936 bumble is an okay one, i like how, "female first" lol.
@sincereIdea8304 I met and married someone online. You have to be SO careful now. Back when I met my husband, in 1997, things were scary, but not nearly as scary as they are now. I would not recommend online dating to anyone. While my husband is good, there are many predators out there. Find something that interests you and go to do that. Perhaps you will meet someone with a common interest there. That way you can build on that. That is probably my one regret with my husband. We don't really have any common interests. It makes doing something we both enjoy a little more difficult. He is the outdoorsy sporty type whereas I am more of an indoor artsy kind of girl. I love my husband and he is good to me, but I can't say he is my best friend. And ultimately, that should be your aim. You have to spend the rest of your life with whomever you pick. You want it to be a friend and a partner.
@compassionateShade526
Yeah. I feel a lot is about your trust levels on the internet. There's only so much I can read in people's faces offline before I get overwhelmed as well.. it's a 50/50 for me.
@sincereIdea8304
I guess it's possible to find love that way but, for myself, I never took online serious and have way too much placement on offline interactions. I like conversing via computer more with people but feel more drive offline but I think it is possible for me still.. to be attracted to something someone is doing online. I like my real and unreal in designated areas and too much or too little can be upsetting.