i used to be a good person...
there was a time that i would have helped anyone who needed it. i have literally given people the clothes off my back. I've spent thousands of dollars on people who wouldn't even consider lifting a finger for me. im so done with it. all my kindness is used up. i have done so much for so many people just for them to spit in my face. im done. im so done with everything. anytime im in a position where im the one who needs help people dont care. people act like i dont matter and i am starting to believe them. when i try to do good i get punished for it so i dont try anymore. when people talk to me the only thing on my mind is how to get them away from me as soon as humanly possible. i dont have friends anymore.... and with how i am now i dont see it ever happening again... how do you make friends when all i can think is they are just humoring me to make their lives easier. either they want something from me, they dont believe me, or they are outright trying to hurt me. i dont believe in good people anymore. i dont even believe im a good person anymore.
@munificentgearhead
its ok to take a break from things happening in life and sorting your thoughts. even if you dont treat yourself as good people you can still be proud of the fact that you were once a person who chose to help others without any demands or a good person. maybe it was a phase or just you realised how people usually are or how you have built trust issues because of the people. please remember the reason why you did the first/ last good deed . was it for yourself for you to feel good? or for others to make them feel good? . whatever you decide , does it change the feelings it gave when you were younger than now?
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I feel your pain, I really do. Sometimes we try so hard and when it’s not appreciated or reciprocated at all it hurts, it really does. Don’t pass off what you did from your heart. It does mean something. It means you’re genuine, authentic in what you were doing to help others. I’m sure there are people who appreciated you. Some people don’t communicate as well or as often as we’d like them too. It would be reassuring if that were the case. People come into your life sometimes to lift you up, some times it is pain. It’s a lesson that teaches you to believe in yourself and focus on what’s important to you. Not everyone has ulterior motives and when things like this happen we tend to let our guard up even more. Take time for yourself, do things for you and when you’re ready, try again. You don’t want to miss the opportunity of shutting out someone who is genuine because of fear. I hope this passes and you’ll feel better soon. One day at a time…
Society has failed you, but should u let that affect u and allow u to fail yourself?
@munificentgearhead -
"Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect--and don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be."
- Ambrose Bierce
I took the above directives to heart a long time ago. You could do the same.
What i understand is ...it's like you're extremely disappointed with people around you. They didn't seem to value the love you gave them. You feel like you cant trust anyone. And i think this happens when you forget your purpose. What is the reason why you love people? Also, did you communicate your needs effectively to them when you were in need? maybe the phase of your life where you connected with these friends is over and its time to look for new friends? There are so many people who will melt with even a tiny bit of love you give them..like an orphan, a sick person, a poor person etc..there is much need of love in this world, do not believe otherwise..plz do not isolate yourself as the easiest person for the devil to attack is the loner.