When I was young and backpacking there always was an old guy at the hostels

Sometimes he'd force his way to join a group puting, pretending he was " one of the guys", with no real clear purpose why he's there or how he has income or time to wander.

Props to him for living. But I realized now I'm that guy if I go backpacking again. Unfortunately I dotn have income or money, so it doesn't really work anymore.

I don't know when I got old, but hostel life years ago just took a sharp turn for even worse. I already always had social anxiety and depression, but then it just went to total isolation.

It just occurred to me I've only ever drank a couple times even with a woman. And even less in a group. My warped views of money and scarcity and stinginess ruined all my travels