Recently Dumped
Hello Everyone,
Its a pleasure to meet everyone in advance. Well, as you see from the title I was recently dumped and kicked to the curb a couple of days after my birthday. I’m a female that (by societal standards) lack sexual experience for my age group (millennial). My ex recently broke up with me because I didn't perform a sex act the way he wanted me to. Mind you, we’ve had sex plenty of other times and he barely complained (well he would complain if the position seemed awkward on my end)
He told me he still loves me but I had to go because I couldn't satisfy him. He said he can no longer be patient with my inexperience because I guess he thought I was wasting his time. I told him I hope he finds someone to satisfy him but he said I was “playing the victim” which I don't know how I would be.
This incident has left me feeling confused, ugly, and defeated. Any viewpoints or clarity would help. Thanks so much.
@fearlessPlum1988
That is a absolute ridiculous "reason" my guess.... he is the problem.
Now he wants you to feel like a failure .... it is not you and what a lie that "he loves You" that is untrue because love is not about only if you satisfy him....he has some serious immaturity problems.
Do not let his insecurities and faults reflect on you. It does not matter how much experience one has... and many partners would welcome that to learn together what works for BOTH in a physical relationship. NOT just one person...
Hi, Happy Belated Birthday wishes to you 🥳🎂🎁🎈💕
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Sex should be consensual to both parties including the acts or positions you want to try together. It should never be about just pleasing one party. A true lover will delight in teaching the tricks to an inexperienced partner as they have fun together. If he cannot bear your inexperience, does he expect you to go “gain experience “ elsewhere? Sorry for that question but his expectations seem ridiculous.
maybe you don’t want to hear this but you are better off without him.
just my 2 cents and sending you lots of love.
Sorry that you have gone through this.
As I'm putting myself in your shoes, I can understand how terrible it must feel to have such reason as a closure at the end of your relationship.
However, I think that your partner did well by initiating the breakup. Why? The reason he provided comes from selfishness (as he focused on the lack of HIS pleasure) and impatience. His comment about you allegedly "playing the victim" is a projection. Unfortunately, he is the one playing the victim by putting the blame on your skills and refusing to take responsibility for his (one sided!) decision. The real issue here is that he doesn't want to accept you as a person (with all your character traits and experiences). A good partner would be patient with you and would want to please you too, not only himself, and look for ways to improve intimacy for you both, meet you in the middle in all possible ways... So by going away he opened up the door for a new person to come into your life! Consider this as a BLESSING that you didn't have to deal with someone who has lost interest in you and does not value you yet still continues to reap other benefits of a relationship (while satisfying the rest of his needs elsewhere). He indirectly gave you an opportunity to be actually happy with someone who loves you. I hope that one day you will meet such a person and would not settle for less!
This man doesn't love you, only thinks that he loves. Love also includes acceptance, patience, and (to a certain degree) giving up on your own needs for a harmonious relationship that BOTH people are working on.
Please don't hate yourself just because someone didn't care for you in the way that you deserve. Please don't change your behaviour because of societal pressure to be "more experienced". Don't lose faith and stay true to yourself!
I wish you peace during your post-breakup days and a confident live ahead.
- from someone who has gone through a lot
* a confident life, sorry. Late night text...
Thank you so much for your kind and sincere words. Its been really hard for me. He was the first man I was ever intimate with and it meant so much to me.
I understand and can feel your pain. It does get better though, time is the best healer of all wounds... My own story of romance and intimacy has crushed my soul and body - I was that stressed, beyond measure, without exaggeration. However, I have come to believe that we are made to persevere even during the darkest times and that eventually we will come out of the pain way stronger than ever before. Me too, I have also assigned a whole lot of meaning to everything that me and my lover have shared together. I find comfort in knowing that this experience and memories will always be a part of me. Now I'm able to rationalise what I have gone through, despite that it was super intense emotionally earlier. Weird how life works!
Wow. I lacked experience too at 34 when I had my first girlfriend and we never had full sex. Apart from a couple of one night stands that didn't go so well, I hadn't had proper sex until I met my wife at 36! I thought it was only men who were expected to be experienced yet when I finally plucked up the courage to have a proper relationship my wife was most understanding.
My fear of being too inexperienced kept me almost a virgin until I met my wife. Don't be similar to me! It was all in my head.
This guy is out of order, if he really cared he'd be happy to grow with you and experiment together. He appears to have been in it more for the sex than the relationship which isn't great.
Not all men are like this. You are feeling confused, ugly and defeated right now, but this too shall pass. You deserve a man who loves you for you and there are plenty of men out there who will. Maybe even a soulmate like my wife and I.
Please don't over-generalise because of this one bad apple. It's not you, it's him!
I've seen other women worrying about their lack of sexual experience for their age
From a guys perspective - do you really think knowing that you have slept with 100s of men would be a plus in our eyes? lol. Virginity is highly prized, in fact. So, it's ironic that you feel insecure about lack of experience when most men would see that as something positive. After all, we want to feel special, right? We don't want to think we are just another lover to you
This guy sounds like a jerk so you are well rid of him
I am ok with no experience woman have. I also dont have experience.
If he want to end or breakup by this reason is this end of love ? can he love you forever without accepting you ? I think no.
You are lucky. You have chance to find the person which compatible to you, accept you as you are with your life.
My family not accepting me as i am, but i understand what is the importance of acceptence to me. I am finding someone who accept me as i am with my weaknesses and my struggling life.
I am accepting me as i am. Now I learned, i need to accept my self as i am with my life . If someone is not accepting me its there choice that's not matter to me.
Yeah, he absolutely hates me now so him to love me forever would’ve been impossible. In fact, he told me that there is no way possible that he would come back to me or ruin his love life for me which I don't expecthim to do (for lack of better words).
Hey,I read your story.
most of the time it is when we are insecure that we try to reflect it upon others.he is the one who is insecure,and you don't deserve to be him.i think in a way,he has done you a favor in letting you go.
Hii Fearless Plum,
Thanks for sharing your story. I understand you.
I know you might be feeling very low and a bit sad because as you shared the person was your first one. Things are quite complex, I understand.
But Unexpected things happen . And I would go straight, if this is the reason then you should be grateful that this unexpected thing happened. Because You are too precious to deserve any of it.
Well, as all my friends here believe that the person is insecure and he has the insecurities, I totally agree to them.
I know you might be feeling bad and the word you used *ugly* but please don't! Never ever think yourself as ugly or a failure. Because You have won. You are no longer with a person with a weak personality and a lot of insecurities. Well the person want you to feel defeated and insecure, but you will win and you know that, Inside!
Things happen, it's very difficult phase. But have trust on yourself.
Take care and lots of love. Have an amazing day ahead.💓
Hi there. I know breakups are hard, and eventhough he sounds (is) an a******, what makes it hard is the good memories you have of him. Everyone has a good side and bad side, even Hitler. My point is, you definitely dodged a bullet and this guy is not a good person on the whole. You won't be happy with him anyway. Him breaking up with you actually makes it easier for you to move on. No need to hang on to false feelings or memories in the past. Let the past be the past. You don't deserve to feel like a lesser person. Stay strong... Time heals, remember that. As days pass it will hurt less. Good luck.
