Hi Ronrie,
Firstly I’m sorry that you suffer from anxiety, I don’t experience anxiety myself but I have lived with my partner that does for the last 20 years and I can relate from a partner’s perspective to your daily challenges.
I was in your husbands position a couple of years ago and I may be able to give you some insight. This is my perspective and it does not relate to anyone. I’m generally crude and to the point so if this does not apply please don’t take offence.
Generally speaking men are cavemen when it comes to women’s emotions, most of us don’t know how to listen, how to respond to an emotional conversation nor can we grasp the inherent desire for a woman to dismiss our fantastic solution based answers instead of relating to her emotionally and understanding that she just wants you to feel what she’s saying.
Now take a caveman who has never been taught how to understand a woman’s emotions and put him in a relationship with an anxious woman who tries her best to relay her feelings through conversation as she does with her girlfriends.
You end up with a wife who has no freedom of expression and a husband who doesn’t understand why his cavewoman acts in a way that he cannot relate to.
I could not understand anxiety. I saw it as a word, something my wife mentioned to me occasionally. For me it carried the same weight as a stubbed toe or a headache. I never knew how much of an internal war it actually creates, I never knew how bad it actually was until I was on the doorstep of divorce.
This was when I did the research, put in the hours and days, weeks and months to try so hard to figure her out. Eventually I understood her.. I understood why she couldn’t drive on the hiway, why she always had to leave for her appointment an hour early, why she had to plan everything down to the finest detail and why she unwillingly had outbursts which I thought were focused towards me. It wasn’t her intention, she didn’t want to live like this but her anxiety drove her to do these things that used to frustrate me a lot.
Unfortunately when living with a cavemen like myself you have to school him on the ins and outs of you…. but you also can’t teach him because men like to think they know everything, he has to figure it out himself or be told by someone that is not you. This is where relationship coaches and therapists come in really handy…
Unless we are willing take the time to explore our partners difficulties (and our own) and put in the hard work required to form an understanding of each others daily challenges, relationships can become quite taxing.
Im here to chat if you feel like any of the above makes sense and if you would like any further insight into my past experiences of a caveman trying to figure out a woman.
all the best
Conna