Lost

Schizo-affective disorder , damn autocorrect

This is too much,you need to be strong first and have a heart of survival.. you need to survive your own state of worries then a plan on how to talk with your wife

I’m doing all I can to hold it together. I started writing things down I need to talk to her about so I wouldn’t forget. Today has been slightly better , I’ve been doing small tasks that give me moments of distraction.

she texted me that she has to come by tomorrow to pick up her meds , I asked if she wanted to talk then, she said she’d think about it. I tried making more small talk with her but she eventually stopped responding.

as long as my schizo meds keep working I hope I can stay good.

I’m so sorry for you’re lost and we’re here for you

stay strong.

@intellectualJar1071

I'm so sorry to hear that. This is tough and there's no easy solution for this. Maybe there will be a time where you can at least find peace in her having left. Until then, you need to care for yourself.

Self-care doesn't just involve bubble baths and candles. It means to care for your body, you mind, your finances and your social need. All of those influence each other. Getting 8+ hours of sleep and having a good diet will help you a lot. Exercise might help too, but I think we should start with the basics. It's okay to take time off from work if you need it.

If you aren't already, I would also suggest you start seeing a medical professional such as a therapist. If that's not an option, having a listener who's there for you to talk might help as well. Maybe there also are groups for people with your illness in real life or on the internet. You're not alone.

You don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to cry.

Please take care. Hydrate properly, sleep enough and eat healthy foods, okay?

I'm sending lots of good vibes your way!

It’s been a week, my emotions have been all over the place , sometimes minute to minute.

we talk or see each other everyday, she just won’t open up about much, which is frustrating. Tell me you hate me, tell me you love me, tell me anything….

ive been finding some solace in work, I’ve just put my head down and working as hard as I can. Some coworkers have poked around the issue, but I’m not telling anyone anything until I figure out what this is. Last thing I need is workplace drama and gossip.

just an update for now

thank you all for the kind words , they mean a lot .

I hope everything works out for the both of you

@intellectualJar1071 oh no I'm so sorry to hear that. If you need somebody to talk to you I'm always here.

@intellectualJar1071        I can understand your worries. marriage is hard. especially when there is a bipolar participant (not your fault!) my mother, and both grandmas, probably my other grandma (blended family so I have 4 sets of grandparents) and my aunt are all bio bipolar. I've seen firsthand the affects it has on people. schizophrenia is not easy either. you already have bipolar, which causes hallucinations.

first. take things slow. go to a place (if possible, right now) that's quiet, maybe dark. and slowly rethink ok everything that's occurred in the last year. think about what's bothered you. what has bothered your wife. make a list of some of the most important ones to you. maybe write a hand written letter to your wife. get hefty with it if you need to. tell her your scared. tell her you want to save this. tell her everything your feeling. good. bad. but most of all let her know how much you freaking love her. become a sappy teenager and just pour your heart out to her. may I recommend leaving this note for her to read when she gets back. leave her alone and let her approach you about what's going on when shes ready. I know it will be difficult but when you take things slow it can really help. above all else don't loose sight of who you are amidst all this. don't forget who your wife is either. you have come so far, and while it is possible for it to end, try your very hardest to keep it from doing this. . . but the moment she says shes really....really done...start letting go 

all I can say is hope for the best but prepare for the worst. this is such a dark and unknowing time. trust in what you believe in weather it be god, or fate...trust in that and remember it knows what you need and has a plan for you. I'm rooting for you. 

I as well am in a relationship where it could honestly go anywhere. not as severe as yours. I have a long distance boyfriend who lives over 2000 miles away from me. I plan on moving to him in the next year and a half- 2 years. but because of the distance sometimes its uncertain. 

but sometimes you just need to trust the process. ;) this can apply to you as well if you didn't pick up on that. 

I really felt 💔 broken reading all this....I hope GOD gives u strength !

Hope you're doing okay buddy.

@intellectualJar1071 so sorry if you need a listener, I'm always here