Lonely without him
I'm in my early 40s, single, successful, independent working woman. I live with my parents. They're supportive of every decision I make and whatever I do. In life, I have nothing to complain except for my 'Love Life' :(
I've never found myself getting involved in a relationship. During my student years, I noticed how some boys would lie and break trust in relationships, and that led me to decide not to pursue one.
I've turned down countless boys who approached me. Some of them have had good intentions but I never felt the spark.
Five years ago, I fell in love with a married man who is now the love of my life. (I never intended to get involved with a married man but he reached out and made me fall for him. He loves me genuinely and I know it by heart.)
He has a family. His wife and kids, whom he loves deeply, are always his top priority. However, my love for him is so strong that I've chosen to stay in this unconventional relationship, even though I often feel out of place. But, we are both trying to make it work.
I have no regrets for falling for him out of no where at this age. I know he is the one I've always always waiting for. He's everything a man should be. However, the emotional baggage that comes with being involved with a married man is subconsciously creating resentment within me, leading to years of emotional pain that I’ve been carrying alone.
He is such a great partner, he cares for me in every possible way. He makes an effort to be there and share in my feelings, but I've never been able to communicate this pain to him effectively. Whenever I attempt to discuss it, I’m overwhelmed by a storm of anger and resentment.
His ignorance regarding my wishes and the pain I feel about this issue breaks my heart.
Two weeks ago, these feelings once again overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t bear the pain I’ve been carrying alone for years. I decided to break up with him and walked away. He hasn’t even reached out to me in the past two weeks, leaving me to walk away.
I feel so helpless, so alone, and so empty without him. It’s heart-wrenching. I feel like my heart will explode out of my chest. For the past two weeks, I haven’t stopped shedding tears for a single day. The pain of losing him is so intense that it feels physical; I’m experiencing chest pain, my nerves feel blocked, and sometimes I struggle to breathe.
But this time, I can't find the courage to go back. I don’t know what to do or how to cope. Can anyone help me pease ?
You deserve to be with a guy who makes you his No.1 priority.
A married man will never be able to offer a full commitment. Guys like this are not looking out for your best interests. I can understand the pain of walking away from someone you love. But that doesn't make it the wrong choice. If you haven't had much relationship experience other than this one guy, I think maybe you've missed out on what a genuinely loving and committed relationship should be like. And that is one that doesn't involve a man going back to another woman. It's sometimes incredibly difficult and painful to make those decisions to walk away from someone we love. But sometimes it's essential for our survival. I am sorry to hear that you're struggling. And hope you find peace in your decision. And are able to move forward with the hope of finding a guy who values you enough to be exclusively yours. Peace.
You’re feeling so much pain not being at his side. And yet you said it yourself. His lack of awareness of the pain you have about him never being able to fully reciprocate is eating away at you & building resentment.
The resentment will likely continue to build & build until the emotional damn breaks wide open.
Youre wondering how you’re going to manage without him??? You’ve been wearing blinders in order to be in this relationship. You’ve compartmentalized, rationalized & swept under the rug, the truth of what your relationship is of his family. You’ve emotionally swept under the rug the life he leads; you choose to not look at it.
If you truly allow your mind to acknowledge the age of his children, the intimate relations he has with his wife, that the nature of your relationship with him … affair; hidden secret lie, betrayal, you’re the interloper, the mistress.
My mom cheated on my dad & when it all came out in the wash …. well, the impact to the children is awful & you are a huge part in their pain once it’s discovered.
I’ve seen women in your situation, after the man passes. Everyone is there consoling the wife & children, all of his property & belongings are theirs, her name is lovingly in the obituary & no one acknowledges the mistress, except in spite. I doubt that’s how you want to see yourself.
You walked into this situation in pain & you’re walking out of it in pain, but staying will cause you & everyone involved exponential pain.
You've well explained every word. It is an absolute truth but what if I will die before him. Who knows how many years are we left with. What if I will die in just few years then am I not losing the opportunity to have a little portion of love and peace that I'm getting from him?
Who knows I'm destined to have a lonely life and there is no real commitment is written in my fate?
The society we belong to supports polygamy. So I'm not on a wrong path religiously. I will never be the pain for his family. I've been with him for past 5years and I've never interrupted his married life for a single minute. I know my values and my love for him is so strong that I will never put him in any rough situation.
Yes i can
you can private message me
@solitarysoul0306 indeed what is gone will be replaced with something better, please trust the process and believe in God. Not a single second has passed where he has forgotten about you! This was meant to be to create a greater you and you will be happy for what happened when you look back in time.
Hey Girly,
I completely understand your pain 😔
It's so hard to let go of something or someone you love so much and dearly.
I have had so many men in my life and I'm only almost 20, Sometimes things overwhelm someone so much that they don't know what to do to cope with it or escape from the hurt and pain. My love life has been a complete rollercoaster I always feel like I need someone to be with to fill the void in me. But Remember You can always remember what a great independent woman you are. You are stronger than you think and can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
Us girls and guys are here to support you anyway we can if you need absolutely anything you can let one of us know.
Stay strong 💪 🙂
Hii @solitarysoul0306 😸
I'm very sorry you feel that way. I hope you find the strength to get out of a situation like that.
I know letting go of someone you love is very difficult. But it's good that you think about yourself first.Just as the other kind people in the other comments said.
It's good that you think about the pros and cons of the situation. You are an amazing person, and you deserve to get out and relax for a while.At least you can treasure the moments you spent with him.And you can keep those moments in your heart.
What do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies? Jobs?
I know I probably can't help you much, but if you have any close friends, you can tell them that you feel bad and maybe they can help you.
Try to relax. And think about what you really want.
The situation is complicated but he is a married man...I know it hurts a lot but it is better that you stay away from him to avoid problems with his family.
Good luck, I'm sure you are an incredible and beautiful woman. I send you a hug and I hope you get through this and take good care of yourself in the process.
I once was married and was having an affair with a single man. He was devoted to me. We had this affair for 5 long years. I loved them both. But I was stuck devoted to my family. At the five year mark I broke things off with both and picked myself. I stayed alone for 6 long years healing. While I was single and he was single not once did he pursue me. My heart broke twice for him. He only looked for me when he was in realtionships after that.. Some things that start off wrong can never be mended back to right no matter how much love you have. Self love is the only thing that taught me what true love is like. Right now the road seems sad and heavy but you deserve peace and someone who will want you and love you at all times and solely you without entaglements. Rooting for your healing.
Is it legal to have a second wife where you are from? If not then, what are you doing?
He doesn't love you, he doesn't love his wife. He loves his kids and himself. He will stay with her so he doesn't break out of his comfort zone and so his kids can have a stable home. And he will have you on the side because he can. not because he is unable to live without you. He doesn't care. He is not attached.
If he didn't have kids with his wife, nor did he have to pay a hefty alimony, then yes he would've divorced her as she aged, and he found someone younger or different but the same age.
Read this carefully. Men do not get attached after sex, Men do not get attached to women. I've chatted with enough men on this site to understand this, the only time a man will leave his wife, is for a younger woman. That is considered a prize, other than that they will have side pieces. I'm sorry to be hurting you, I'm not young myself. I just want you to open your eyes.
They only care about looks, and someone like that who is not even willing to commit to you will leave you in a span of 5 more years when you hit 45 and will have you even think it's you who's walked away. He'll start to act iffy and not care for you and you will finally give up and ask to break up yourself, then he will tell you he understands and flies off to the sunset.
You mentioned in one of your replies how he cares so much about you, and is involved in all your decisions and life and asks about everything. this is called love bombing. It is not sustainable and just to let you know, this is coming off the expense of another woman. She is with the kids 24/7, handling all their needs, handling all his needs and thinking it's her duty to make him feel as comfortable as possible and he is stable at work, he is cheating because he has free time. the time freed because of someone else's sacrifice, only for him to turn around and cuckold her.
If you did become that man's wife, are you willing to shoulder her burden, and can you ever trust him.
Sex makes women attached and plays with their brain chemistry. for 3 months stop seeing him completely.
I'm sorry for being harsh, but I hope you do read my reply.
And while you're at it, go watch some videos about this topic on youtube, and watch some redpill videos of men and see how they really think of women.
There is no love. You are dealing with someone out to drain you, take it or leave it.