Here's a story about spoons.
Imagine a first time cook, following a recipe to cook a dish. They use one spoon to measure out the flour and dump it, dirty, into the sink. They use another spoon to measure the butter and again, dump it into the sink. Another spoon to measure the salt, and likewise, into the sink. And so it continues, until all the ingredients are in the pan. The recipe then says put it on the heat and stir. They put it on the heat and look in the drawer for a spoon. But they are all gone, used and dirty in the sink. Quickly they rush around washing some spoons up, turn to the dish, and,
it's a disaster!
The food has burnt onto the pan and the dish is ruined.
What a novice cook like this needs, is someone more experienced, to teach them how to better manage their spoons. Use the same one for flour, salt and sugar, maybe. Use the one used for the butter for stiring too. Etc. I'm sure you know how it could have been done better.
Spoon theory goes that each day we have a limited amount of energy. We use that energy during the day to do the things we need to do. We use a spoonful of energy to do the washing up, a spoonful for shopping, a spoonful for gardening etc etc. If we have something difficult to do, we plan maybe an easy day, so we have the energy/enough spoons for it.
When something goes wrong, like a missed appointment, we use an extra spoonful of energy to cope with it. When lunch is late, we use a mental 'spoon' to cope with it. Someone coping with chronic pain is using energy and thus an extra spoon, constantly to cope with the pain. When we are worrying about something we need to do tomorrow, we are also using up an extra mental 'spoon'.
When you have a bad day, you can reach the point where you have just "run out of spoons" Just like the novice cook, it all becomes a disaster.
But all is not lost, just like the novice cook, learning how to better manage spoons is totally possible. Just like any other skill, where seeking out an expert to teach you would be completely normal, experts who teach skills to better manage life spoons are available.
The problem is, for some weird reason, society has decided that it is shameful to need to learn this skill. Like many others I want to change that.
In case you haven't twigged, i believe that therapists/counsellors/psychologists/whatever they are termed in your society, would be the experts in teaching spoon management skills, because they teach us skills that enable us to get more out of life. Just as there's no shame in learning any other new skills, why should there be shame in seeking advice on how to learn the skills to better manage your life spoons?
When was the last time you "ran out of spoons"? What happened?
Do you agree or disagree that therapists are experts in life skills that can benefit everyone?
Wishing you a day of plenty of spoons. 💛
When was the last time you "ran out of spoons"? What happened?
I had a swelling attack.
Do you agree or disagree that therapists are experts in life skills that can benefit everyone?
Partial agree. They are experts for certain life skills.
I actually found help with spoon management to be minimal. The last therapist I saw face to face was specifically to manage diagnoses His advice was something that would have drained my spoons even more - but he also did not have expertise with chronic physical illnesses. I find therapists who actually do this aren't easy to come by at all. There's general things like prioritize, pacing, self-care, etc. Any help I got with triggers has come from doctors, I wish there was more help with that. Quite a bit of what I have figured out has been trial and error.
@AffyAvo
Ah yes, not every technique works for everyone. So no worries that spoons didn't work for you. I'm glad you found some things that did.
I'm sorry you have to manage a chronic illness. I can certainly relate to the challenges of that. Trial and error is sometimes the only way to find out what works.
Best wishes and an easy week.
@Clio9876 I actually find spoon theory does work well for me, but the suggested ways to manage limited spoons were things that would put me in the negatives - daily.
Other therapists were more reasonable, but didn't really have much to offer in terms of how to manage limited and fluctuating spoons that I hadn't already figured out.
@AffyAvo
Oh, I'm sorry if I misunderstood.
I also didn't find the official advice for managing my condition that useful. The thing that has helped me a lot is to try to prioritise and not waste energy on things that are not important. Or things I can't change. I've had to learn to say no. And actually, mostly to myself. To convince myself it is OK to not do everything.
Maybe this leads to people with medical conditions being particularly wise. We've had to learn. Lol. Trying to find some upsides to it, and all that. 😀
@Clio9876 I love the way you expressed and taught this point.
I do, I believe that primarily it's the mothers and fathers role to model and teach that to their kids as they're growing up and secondarily the broader families and communities role.
But in this modern society that we live in, with many kids growing up in single parent families or with both parents out at work etc, a lot of us missed out on this as we were growing and it is something we need to learn. That is where therapists can step in and help us achieve those skills but if we can learn these things from family and community, I believe that is better for us and for society. There's also other ways we can learn, for those that don't have access to therapy or need to prioritise what time they do have with a therapist, through reading and learning on YouTube etc.
@Clio9876
Such a deep matter is so easily explained. As I like to cook, hence I could imagine and relate completely with the spoon theory.
Claps for author.. Thanks for sharing with us.
