Feeling down. Need some support.
Hello, these past few days I have been crying and just feeling sad. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am a 18 year old currently getting ready for college but I’ve been feeling anxious. I didn’t go to high school in public school. I went online. I’ve been in online school for basically my whole life because I don’t like being in public.
Also, the school I am going to was recommended by my mom and I didn’t wanna actually go to that school but she told me to start out there first so I just agreed because I’m a people pleaser. The school I actually want to go to has a track team what I’ve always wanted to do ever since I was little but she never found a track team for me. I feel like my whole life I’ve haven’t been living for myself but for my mom and just to please her. I feel so miserable and sad everyday. The only time I am happy is when I watch movies/ shows, and just be in the fictional world and by myself. It’s my only source of happiness. Other than that, I just feel empty inside. Then yesterday, said that I need to start doing things that make me happy and not for others, but if I do stop being a people pleaser, she will call me selfish. ??? Then I told her that I was sad and she wanted to start comparing like who was sadder more etc when she know that she wasn’t even crying. then when I told her that I had been crying, she said “I was crying too, I was sad too” like I know people can feel the same way but nobody gets it. She is one of those parents who thinks they are the only one who can be sad. She literally said it herself. She said: “I don’t know why you are sad, you don’t have nothing to be sad about, you don’t have car bill, light bills, and bills to pay, the only person who should be sad is me”.
@strwberryhearts Hey, that sounds like a really difficult place for you to be. It seems like your mother cannot understand, empathize, or validate your feelings.
Have you told her that you'd rather go to the other school?
Maybe going away to college and becoming more independent would help put some distance between you and your mom, so that you can begin to form your own identity, discover what you want/enjoy, and meet some people who can understand/relate to you.
In the meantime, please feel free to reach out to a volunteer listener anytime, 24-7, if you'd like to talk 1-1 about what you are going through. Start here- http://.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
@strwberryhearts
Hi.
I love your username. Strawberries are great and hearts are great, so together they are a great combination.
If you would like one, I'd like to give you a virtual hug.
You know, feeling anxious before a big change, like going to college, is very normal. Being upset when someone tells you that you shouldn't feel a certain way, is also very normal. With the two together it doesn't at all surprise me that you have been crying. It seems to me that you have very valid reasons for feeling sad and tearful.
It sounds like the opinions of others is leading you to doubt your own feelings. And as a result, to doubt yourself. I can understand this, because I've done this too. But, you know, your feelings are never wrong. They can't be right or wrong, because they are just feelings.
Have you heard of self validation? I found it very odd at first, but eventually found it very powerful. I credit a kind person here of 7 cups for this little saying that got me believing in myself. "This feeling is valid, and I'm going to experience it to the full" Maybe it will help you too?
I wonder if you could contact the college and let them know that you are feeling daunted about coming? They might (or might not) have someone who can help you adjust and settle in.
Going to college is a big change. For you it is going to be harder. But can you imagine the sense of achievement if you give it a try? The harder something is, the more proud of ourselves we can be when we do it. I know this particular college isn't quite what you want, but can you see it as a stepping stone to what you want? It sucks to have to work towards what you want in steps, but sometimes it is the only way.
All in all I wish you good luck. And I'd love to hear how it goes.
Best wishes.
