@trinivarga
I'm sorry you're dealing with toxic in laws.
That really can put a lot of strain onto your own relationship.
It's unfortunate that some can't respect boundaries. Hope you're okay <3💜
Hey trinivarga, sorry you're dealing with this.
I dealt with the same thing with my ex-fiancé. His dad is an alcoholic and was also wife-beater to his biological mother. His biological mother was negligent and used to drink too, and stabbed his dad...but also chased the kids(me ex & his sibling) with a knife. She's also incredibly blunt and rude. Then lastly his step mom is really passive aggressive...
My ex exhibited these traits as well(drank, used to be physically- verbally abusive), and I ended up leaving him.
They also say "when you marry your partner, you marry their family"...
I recommend talking to your partner about in-laws issue. Maybe even come up with a compromise where you don't have to be involved with any family activities related to in-laws and just have your significant other attend to those.
If your significant other won't back you up while the in-laws are being incredibly toxic or rude...even though you're partners, you might want to try couples counseling or reconsider relationship/ask if it's worth it if they cannot defend you or stand up for you against toxic inlaws.
Good luck, wishing you all the best! ✨
From Personal Experience, I was dealing with toxic in laws (never married, but had a child with their son) his mother would enable his behavior, but also be just as bad. I witnessed her calling one of the children names degrading her and just being plain rude to her, but treating the other like a complete prince. Saddest thing is these are the 2 youngest children out of the 5. Constantly enabling the toxic masculinity or allowing devaluing of herself from my own child's father.
I thought we had turned a corner with my MIL . Her and my husband have had a complicated relationship the last few years.
We were all away on vacation together. My MIL felt it was her job to look after her grandchildren. I gently reminded her that was up to the parents. She needed to look after herself. I made sure she didn't miss out on the experiences she wanted, often offering to watch the kids for her (not mine. We don't have any yet). She told my husband she appreciated me. We spent a lot of time just the 2 of us, walking around cities and doing activities.
Then one evening I told her her I didn't want to discuss politics in a room full of strangers. Suddenly, I was the enemy. She got up from the table and stormed off. She wouldn't talked to us or make eye contact with me. At first we didn't realize I was the trigger. My husband found out but didn't say anything until we got home.
I don't understand why she didn't come talk to me. Maybe my choice of words could have been better. Perhaps I didn't mind my tone as much as I usually do. I didn't think I was rude. I didn't realize it would make her so furious. She was so civil with my BIL when she didn't like something he said. I feel as though none of my efforts to bond with her have meant anything. We are always going to be the "bad son and daughter in law". We are always going to be the problem couple in her life. I had finally felt good letting my guard down. Now it's back up, and I don't know if there's any going back.