Life unsupported

Ok I been feeling down this is the birthday month of my two parent who passed away. My dad in 1991 and my mom march 2018, my grandma Nov 2018 and grandpa dec2018..I have no support for grieving and I have to act as everyone is ok .but I still miss my grandma she raised me and was my everything, my mom had a stroke in 2016 and event though she didn't raise me I quit my job to care for her..my grandpa was a G he was cool and never judged..they all kept my secret that I had been Adopted!

I feel so lost and dumb at 41 I have incomplete issue and everyone that was included are past away..who was my real dad? I have to Chuck it up..not like a reality show and my biological dad pops up from the corner..I just visit the cemetery and ask questions..