Frustration with making friends.
Emotionally I feel that it is time for me stop trying to make friends. Stop trying to reach out. I'm 45 years old and whatever I'm doing isn't working. In my younger days reaching out to people and keeping a good attitude about it wasn't so hard. There was always "hope" in the air. But I just keep getting older and my opportunities have only decreased. I find it odd how I try to reach out to people, say nice things, and while I might get a "thank you" or something like that. The small spark doesn't get a fire started. For some reason it just goes out. I have had to spend a lot of time looking into myself, trying to figure out what could be wrong with me. One of my theories is, back in 2001 I was diagnosed with "Mixed Personality Disorder". If you look it up, it is term that is kinda hard to define. I think there is something about me, that people don't feel like getting close too. It doesn't even matter if I got a good heart or not. It doesn't matter if I'm kind. It doesn't matter how many nice things I do. It doesn't matter how good of a listener I am. It doesn't matter where I go, or whom I'm around. Something about me turns people off. It is like the creator of the universe, decided to make me like this, and there is nothing I can do to change it. The more I think about this, the more sad and hopeless I feel.
It sounds like you're feeling really discouraged, and I can understand how painful it is to put in effort and not see the connections you're hoping for. It’s easy to start thinking something is “wrong” with you, but your worth isn’t defined by how others respond. Mixed Personality Disorder can make relationships more challenging, but it doesn’t mean you can’t form meaningful connections. It might help to seek professional support to work through these feelings. Even if it feels hard now, there’s still hope for positive change and connections in the future.
@CheeryMango Maybe when my parents are finally out of my life, and I'm able to handle living by myself. Cause as long as they help control my money, I won't be able to get that help. They are not a big fan of that sort of thing. Don't ask me why. Just trust me.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I find my 7 Cups friends are people I can communicate with who understand me. In real life friends seem too hard to make.
We have a good bunch of people that are friendly and supported and anyone 18 and over is welcome in the chat topic discussions. A schedule is here EST times https://www.7cups.com/forum/50plus/QAsDiscussionsResources_1770/50plusMindfulnessDiscussionTopicsNovDec2024_207920/
@soulsings I have trouble both online and offline. I am so bad, that I even have trouble connecting on this site too.
I hear you struggle a lot. Could you tell more about your expectations? What do you mean by "fire"? Can you maybe give some examples of a perfect friendship for you - from movies or literature?
@CuriousPanda44 I can't. I had to look up the word "fire" in my post. It is a metaphor.
met·a·phor
noun
a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable
a thing regarded as representative or symbolic of something else, especially something abstract.
of course I know what a metaphor is, that's why I put that word in quotes. I asked those questions because I wanted to understand your struggles better. In many cases it requires to clarify what's behind abstract ideas and metaphors
@CuriousPanda44 It is hard for me to define a perfect friend because I never had one. I don't understand the question about fire. I try to start friendships but they just go out like, a fire that won't start.
Hello I am a occasional user of this site and it seems very funny to me how i just logged on today just to put a new topic on my mind out for discussion and it just so happens i came across your post Im currently having issues with making a connection with ppl/having a friendship so usual when i really want feed back outside of myself i come here, i was just thinking that my issue with making connection has alot to do with my mindset and my openest to sharing things with ppl that are personal, i feel like its very hard to find someone who thinks and understands the way i do, and even more frustrating to get to a level where trusting someone enough to share personal things without judgment or one sided responses or worrying about what i say how i say it and they way ppl will react/understand it or even maybe onday use it against me when thinks arent in there favor, ive learned over the years that im not a small talk kind of person and small talk doesn't make anyone friends, finding someone with a common mindset is not easy to do and for me saying the word friend holds alot more weight than the way ppl say/use it now, nowadays its a loose term. I cant call anyone a friend when i feel like i cant trust and speak freely and have confidence that things discussed are suppose to be handled accordingly, part of me says its fine not have friends and when i really just need to talk i use this app(like today) but sometimes that i feel like that friendship connection is somewhat needed because i cant always just say
What i want the way i want to anyone and venting/releasing some of those things in an health way is important......i also dont go many places to meet different people or even know where to begin meeting ppl these days so it is alot especially for us older ppl....
I feel the same bro/sis
pardon me for that too
….
trying to survive 2024 w no friends in sight
hurts..
I can’t tell u how holding up feels strong enough when that space of ppl n company is never filled for us
my heart aches the same w u too friend
I’m 37 and I feel like my way with others isn’t working either like it used to. It is very difficult to understand sometimes why things don’t go well socially sometimes and I, like you have generally changed as I’ve aged. I try to hold out hope that one day things will be slightly better here and there somehow. I really wish you find happiness and peace along with a person or people around you who really care about you and how you think. I also wonder about ‘why’ things are the way they are. I get on the phone and try to reach out, but I try to manage my expectations since sometimes conversations can back fire. I can see you trying to grapple with understanding human life and human beings. You can always look to other life, not just human life like the plants and animals or nature to find happiness and peace…
@tryingtosurvive2024
its more than that; its how people and situations change with age. i have had similar experiences and tried multiple approaches. and its a different atmosphere overall. tech has fostered A LOT more passive aggression--there's a whole new type of psychology genre regarding how the internet and remote tech like texting has changed interactions, and relationships and ultimately our culture. and even more true if you are a single female, or male but i wouldn't know that, and didn't have kids etc.