How do you cope with working w/panic attacks& agoraphobia?
I have been unemployed since April 2022. Agoraphobic since I was 13. I really need to get a job but I've been living off family/friends and just can't do this anymore. I am so terrified of working especially with negative experiences in the past at work. I went to therapy September 2022-2023 before she had to leave and I was more focused on childhood trauma and reducing panic attacks themselves. I've made progress but the thought of even filling out an online job application makes me freeze. I will procrastinate months at a time between each one. And I know I have to work harder.
I don't want to be on disability because legally and financially it sucks and I want to marry my boyfriend without all of the implications that go along with that. I do have genetic spinal disorders that might make me Disabled™ in 20+ years anyway so I'd rather wait lol. But I'm working on my health and I need to celebrate my wins... And grow up..
I am on waitlists for Medicaid therapists and psychiatrists but obviously I can't afford a private one. My primary care gives me Prozac which has helped me (take walks, go to the store, go to classes) but she isn't allowed to prescribe anything stronger. I would need a psychiatrist.
I graduated with my associates in Paralegal December 2023 but I only have some retail stock experience. My paralegal internship in summer 2023 went awfully especially due to my anxiety. My goal would be something like stocking again (less customer interaction) before I have the confidence to work more professionally. I *really* need to work on my confidence especially if I'm working in a professional legal context. I have, like, no social skills. I am worried I may only be able to do academic work not actual work.
But what if I have a panic attack at work? What do I even do? I don't want to get yelled at again. I don't even want to do any of this. Looking for a job is so hard on me mentally. Filling out applications and interviews wrecks my self esteem. I just feel so horrible about myself honestly especially being unemployed for this long over this.
@JarofSeeds627 I'm really glad you reached out and shared what you're going through. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these challenges. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, from your struggles with agoraphobia to the anxiety around finding and keeping a job.
First of all, I want to acknowledge the progress you've made. Even though it might not always feel like it, seeking therapy, working on your health, and completing your associates degree are significant achievements. Celebrating these wins, no matter how small they may seem, is incredibly important.
It's understandable that the thought of applying for jobs and facing interviews can be overwhelming, especially given your past negative experiences. It's okay to feel anxious about it. Remember, you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are people and resources out there to support you.
In terms of finding a job, it's great that you have a clear idea of the direction you'd like to go in, starting with something like stocking to gradually build your confidence. It might also be helpful to look for opportunities where you feel supported and where there's an understanding of mental health challenges.
If you do experience a panic attack at work, it's important to remember that it's not your fault, and you're not alone. It might help to have a plan in place for how to cope with a panic attack. This could include techniques such as deep breathing exercises, finding a quiet space to take a break or having a trusted colleague who understands your situation and can offer assistance if needed.
Lastly, please be kind to yourself throughout this process. It's okay to take things one step at a time and to ask for help when you need it. You're stronger than you think, and brighter days lie ahead.
