What do I do if I suspect my child or teen has been or currently is being sexually abused?

Abuse is one of the very worst things that could ever happen to a child - and unfortunately it's not always easy to tell whether a child is being abused because very often they don't even know that what is happening is wrong. If they do know it is wrong many never tell out of fear of the abuse getting worse if the abuser finds out, but also because they feel shameful and very importantly that they won’t be believed. Being prepared and knowing what help is available is vital to the child's safety and well-being. Try and make the time to talk to your child and ask if there is anything that is worrying them. Let them know that whatever they say won't get them into trouble. The chances are that they won't tell you first time around so continue to talk to the child. Most children being abused find it very difficult to open up but by having ongoing conversations the time may come when they are ready to talk. Perhaps you could talk to the child’s health visitor or teacher too. One of the best things to do if you suspect abuse is to talk with a trained child protection professional who can give you the support you need and ultimately your child too.

Show them that you are accepting of it if they were to come to you. Out of the blue, just sit them down and start talk about abuse. Don't straight away go into sexual abuse, or they might feel like they're being interrogated. Talk about abuse in general. Go into different types of abuse. Give as much information on each one so it's not too obvious. And don't save sexual abuse for last or make it first. Put it somewhere in the middle. If they start tapping their foot or finger out of nowhere, are having difficulty maintaining eye contact, etc. when you get to sexual abuse, they might be nervous, meaning that they might have been sexually abused. But even if your child does this, it might just be an uncomfortable subject to talk about in general, so don't take it too seriously either. Tell them that if they, or anyone they know is being abused, they should come to you. Let them know that they won't get in trouble, it wouldn't be their fault, etc. A few days later, bring up another topic like bullying or harassment or depression so abuse doesn't seem to stand out so much. And occasionally talk about it with them during dinner or something where everyone is calm. If you prefer it, you could also just have little sessions where you talk about issues like these. And casually mention abuse along with other subjects too, reminding them that you're always there for them, they won't get in trouble, etc. Hopefully that helps! The obvious answer would be to just ask but in my own experience (being a teenager myself) I think children/teens usually don't find it easy to open up to parents, so having a constant reminder that it's okay would be good. If there is something like marks on their arms or something like that, ask how they got that. Always ask. If they say they aren't comfortable, don't pry too much. It's okay to pry a little, but it's important to show them that you're not forcing anything.

the first thing to do is to address your child about it in a comfortable setting where he/she feels safe. Make sure that your child knows that they are not in trouble and that you are just trying to collect information. Let your child know that they can come to you if someone is making them uncomfortable. Pay attention to body language, expressions and demeanor. ask the right questions in a non-threatening manner.